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Need some serious advice

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So my sister and I attend the same university. She lives in an apartment complex not far from mine, but her roommate situation is not nearly as good as mine. Long story short, her roommate's boyfriend is always over there, literlly 6 days a week, but never cleans up after himself, is there even when his girlfriend isn't, is always loud, and basically treats the place like his own. Tonight, my sister was trying to study for a calculus exam and he was in the living room watching TV and playing music rather loudly. My sister asks him to turn it down since she's trying to study, and dude goes off. He says "Fug that I'll be loud if I want to fug you, this isn't just your apartment, so you can go fug yourself." They exchanged words and he ended it with "Fug you, bitch." So, naturally, my sister calls me crying, saying she was scared he was really going to hit her and this and that. So now I'm steaming. No "man" is going to talk to my sister like that and think he's going to get away with it. No "man" should talk to any woman like that, my sister or not my sister. What would you do? I'm really ready to go beat his ass but my sister is begging for me to stay at my place.

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Wow.....who's name is on the lease? If his name is not on the lease then he shouldn't be there without his gf. Tough situation. Newbies living on their own not knowing basic rules for living with someone else.

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Go, and be firm, but be wise keep your temper under control.

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His name is not on the lease. He has a dorm on campus.

What would you say to him, Mr. Scot?
I just have no tolerance for men with no respect for women. My sister says he has hit his girlfriend before.

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Reason # 5,243 why I will no longer have roomates unless I'm about to go to the poorhouse.

Ok. Advice.

1. This is your sister and her roomate's problem to work out. Don't get in the middle unless asked specifically or if it gets to a point she can't protect herself.

2. You're hotheaded and will do no good if you do anything now. However, when you're around the boyfriend and you find a situation where you're alone with him, calmly, collectively and cooly explain to him that he will be found in a shallow grave in the woods if he ever talks to you sister that way again. Tell him you don't want to know his side of the story, an apology, whatever. It's cool with you and him. Just let him know, that s**t happened once. That's it.

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Tell him you know Zod.

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yeah, delhommey has some good ideas. If your sister is not on the lease then she is more limited as to what she can do....in fact, she can move out on a whim. Remember the situation is only temporary. At the end of the day it is between your sister and her roommate. Hopefully they at least have their own bedroom?

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[quote name='neverlosethefeeling']His name is not on the lease. He has a dorm on campus.

What would you say to him, Mr. Scot?

I just have no tolerance for men with no respect for women. My sister says he has hit his girlfriend before.[/QUOTE]
Guys who intimidate and/or hurt women are not worthy of being called men.

And while I don't want to rile you up, it's valid that if he's hit his girlfriend, he'd probably get rough with your sister too.

Delhommey's second point is good advice. My only disagreement is I wouldn't wait till later. If you don't do something while this is going on, you're likely going to drive yourself nuts.

If you're worried about what you might do, you might want to involve the police.

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[quote name='mush']yeah, delhommey has some good ideas. If your sister is not on the lease then she is more limited as to what she can do....in fact, she can move out on a whim. Remember the situation is only temporary. At the end of the day it is between your sister and her roommate. Hopefully they at least have their own bedroom?[/QUOTE]

My sister IS on the lease, with his girlfriend. HE is NOT on the lease

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confrontation is overrated sometimes....superglue in his locks and slashing his tires without telling anyone including your sister until a few years down the road can go a long way....

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tell your sister to go by the lease office tomorrow and tell them what's going on...CALMLY and tell them it's causing a problem. They'll probably tell you that if he's staying there then he needs to be added on the lease, fill out a form, pay a $300 fee, and start paying 1/3 of the rent. As long as they're on the lease half and half, then he really can't stay there that much without paying the fees and such.

When you force him to make it official then it hits home more.

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[quote name='mush']confrontation is overrated sometimes....superglue in his locks and slashing his tires without telling anyone including your sister until a few years down the road can go a long way....[/QUOTE]
I could see that if the guy were just a douchebag, but this guy sounds more like a bully than a douchebag. Bullies generally only respond to strength.

Anybody willing to intimidate and/or threaten a woman needs to be dealt with directly.

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I think in the interest of the sister's long term safety, this guy needs to have the boundries set, just not tonight. Not unless it flares up again.

Also keep in mind your sister is very worked up, and when you're emotional, stories aren't always told correctly.

If your sister is safe, let her tell you what happened after she's calmed down and had a night of sleep. I'd still let the guy know bad things await the man who doesn't treat your sister right.

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Whatever you do, prayers and best wishes from me.

[I](I'm out for the night)[/I]

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Challenge him to guitar hero. It worked in that new Vince Vaughan movie.

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Not one single suggestion that she talk to her roommate?

She needs a heart to heart with the roommate. If they work it out, fine, otherwise the roommate needs to take over the lease herself.

Or, make the guy an offer he cant refuse.

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Yes to talking to the roommate but I would suggest this.
Dude blowing up like that for something that menial is a ticking bomb.
I would STRONGLY suggest your sister finding a new place to stay ASAP. Not saying break the lease but start looking at a place on the sly etc.
Without knowing the dynamic of the roommates(how long have they known each other, did they meet in college, high school) the roommate may be just as wacky.

Maybe while she is working on talking to the roommate I would try to find out the roommate's schedule and see if you can drop by from time to time to "check in". Not intervening per se but just do what bro's do.
If you see/meet the boyfriend, do NOT bring this up off the bat. See if it's possible to find a common intererst(oh you play Call of Duty as well? oh you like explosives?) and build that bridge.
But heres the thing and you just gotta trust me...even if you make some inroads, I still say ger her OUT of that situation.
Nip it in the bud and get her where not only can she study and do well but to be safe.
Finally and I'm also not joking. If you need ANY help with this cat, let me or us know.

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Is his last name Frye?

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I agree with Delhommey on this one. If its still an immediate issue tonight, or if a similar situation happens again, your sister should ask him to leave. If he won't leave, call the police. He is trespassing. Have your sister call you and then call the police when you arrive. Don't tell him. Just let the police show up.

It's better for him to get charged with trespassing than for you to get charged with assault.

Again, agree with Delhommey as well. And if your sister really does fear for her safety, I'd discuss pstall's option with her as well.

I'd also sit down with your sister's friend/roommate. How would she like it if your sister's boyfriend sat around their place all the time, yelled at her, cussed at her, and made her fear for her safety?

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If that was me. I would calmly come to him and ask him to what the deal was. If he starts bitching, I would say... "listen, she's my sister and you cannot talk to her like that. If you ever yell at her again, I will take this problem to another level. Got it?" If he says "No" just say "Alright, just letting you know" Whatever he says afterwards it doesnt matter, just walk away. Never play pussy with the hotheads, they will disrespect you more.

One hothead was mean to my sister once, I got my hockey-stick and whack him right in the face. He went from badass to a pussy in less than a second. True magic.

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[quote name='mr beauxjangles']I agree with Delhommey on this one. If its still an immediate issue tonight, or if a similar situation happens again, your sister should ask him to leave. If he won't leave, call the police. He is trespassing. Have your sister call you and then call the police when you arrive. Don't tell him. Just let the police show up.

It's better for him to get charged with trespassing than for you to get charged with assault.

Again, agree with Delhommey as well. And if your sister really does fear for her safety, I'd discuss pstall's option with her as well.

I'd also sit down with your sister's friend/roommate. How would she like it if your sister's boyfriend sat around their place all the time, yelled at her, cussed at her, and made her fear for her safety?[/QUOTE]

Calling the cops will cause a lot of problem between her and her roommate. By calling the cops she will have to accept the fact that her and her roommate will never get along again. I'd talk to the guy first unless it is an immediate thing.

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If you go over there to confront him, don't go alone. Grab a couple friends, send a message to this prick that if this happens again he has you to deal with.

Violence isn't always the answer, but if this is your sister, it may be the answer.

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From all that I've learned today, I'm never gonna let my kids go to UNCC.

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[quote name='Scrumtrilescent']From all that I've learned today, I'm never gonna let my kids go to UNCC.[/QUOTE]

Smart man.

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[quote name='TheSaint']Not one single suggestion that she talk to her roommate?

She needs a heart to heart with the roommate. If they work it out, fine, otherwise the roommate needs to take over the lease herself.

Or, make the guy an offer he cant refuse.[/QUOTE]

If the roommate puts up with him hitting her and still lets him be her boyfriend, then nothing that the sister says to the roommate will do any good.

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