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24,584 Fuggin Awesome

About SCP

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    Crop Dusting Son of a Bitch

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  • Gender Not Telling
  • Location On a Sales Call
  • Interests I love queso and tater tots in no particular order. Turn-offs are the ham on a Ruby Tuesday salad bar.


  • Location South Carolina
  1. Saints week Part Deaux

    Remember that one year ago the office helmet was repositioned to its proper location and configuration prior to the Saints game.  It would be phenomenal if they could blow the Saints out to celebrate the one year anniversary.
  2. Saints week Part Deaux

    It's a Cajun Tickler
  3. 11-0.  Can you think of a better way to spend Thanksgiving than watching our Panthers take the Cowboys behind the wood shed?  The Panthers told Tony Romo to go out to the backyard, pick out his favorite switch, and drop his drawers then proceeded to lay down a whoopin that would make Adrian Peterson say “Damn!”.  Greg Hardy was rendered useless and Dez Bryant was eliminated from the competition faster than a Cowboy fan at a spelling bee.  To top it all off we showcased some pretty damned sweet uni’s to the nation and Panther fans could be seen and heard loud and clear on the television thanks to RoaringRiot.  It’s a great day to be alive unless you are some clown from Charlotte that claims to be a Cowboy fan.  It’s a funny thing about Cowboy fans in the Charlotte area.  They talk so much sh*t for a team that hasn’t done a thing since our team was born.  They are all hype, no guts, and have this bravado that has less substance than Jerry Jones’ cheek bones.  Good riddance, losers.     If you are a NC or SC resident and are not a fan of the Carolina Panthers then life must suck right now because assholes like me take great joy in pissing in your Corn Flakes.  The bandwagon has been to Jiffy Lube.  It’s been washed, Armor All’d, and has a full tank of gas.  Grab whatever you can to get onboard because I welcome you all.  Whatever it takes to keep the opposing fans out of our home stadium is welcomed by me.  If it takes thousands of bandwagon hoppers, so be it.  At least they will show up to the games and cheer for the Panthers.  Since it’s the holiday season let me paraphrase my close and personal friend, Clark W Griswold:  Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned Panther ass kicking tour. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, 11 game win streak we have going on here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest football season since Jake Delhomme tap-danced with Tommy f*cking Brady. And when Sean Payton steps his drugged-out Zoolander looking ass onto that sideline Sunday, he's gonna look into the Sh*t Dome seats and see the jolliest bunch of Panther fans this side of the nuthouse. 24 hours has passed.  Bring on the f*cking Taints.   Speaking of bandwagon fans, I mentioned way back in week 3 ( there is one thing in this world that disappears faster than a duck fart in a hurricane and that is Who Dat nation.  For what seemed like an entire day we had to hear about how hard core and dedicated Saint fans are.  Remember the glory day? Remember when you’d see these morons running around Charlotte?  They were such a proud lot.  They bought the Mardi Gras anal beads and the Brees jersey and were squealing “Who Dis” or whatever the fug that stupid chant is.   They were happier than Justin Wilson with a declawed squirrel and some Astro Glide  You’d be in the line to drop your kids off at school and inevitably in front of you would be a Nissan Cube with a fleur de lis sticker next to a soccer ball sticker next to a stick family next to a Duke or Carolina sticker on the back window. The good old day of New Orleans Saints fandom.     But now as we approach week 12, Saints fans have become even harder to find than a New Orleans native who hasn’t finger banged a Coypu at least twice.  Like Streptococcus mutans (google that poo), some have secretly acted under the cover of darkness and ordered cheap high quality Russell Wilson jerseys from Chinese websites.  They have tirelessly scraped the fleur de lis sticker off the minivan, careful to remove all residue.  Others have dusted off that Brady jersey.  And then some have reverted back to their first love that was made possible by a dog breeder with a dream from Yorkshire, England and George Washington Carver’s obsession with peanuts.  Not unlike our own Phily B and his ability to capture the essence of a game with his artistic skill set, Louisiana native George Rodrique captured the plight of the Jefferson Parrish canine in his Blue Dog series of paintings.  Inspired by the Cajun legend, loup-garou, Rodrique used Blue Dog to illustrate the delicate relationship between a dog and his owner struggling to find love in the affluent neighborhoods of Metairie, LA.  The sad eyes tell the story of a puppy lying sleepless under the moonlit sky, frustrated, while trying unsuccessfully to lick the peanut butter from the roof of his mouth as he questions his very existence.  You can feel the internal struggle of the blue dog as he tries to suppress the vivid memories of a sweaty real estate mogul panting in ecstasy after every peanuty lick.    The fall of New Orleans has been a joy to watch.  Strip mall Dojo’s that once trained milquetoast trust-fund vegans the art of hand-to-hand combat are now ripping down Saints banners faster than Cam Newton yanked down that Fayetteville hill jack’s Packer sign.  The crazy daughter of Tom Benson is chomping at the bit to send the old man to a rest home and take over the franchise so she can send Sean Payton packing.  The fat slob defensive coordinator was fired after his 11 safety defense failed to stop Kirk f*cking Cousins.  The New Orleans Saints are the McRib of NFL football teams.  About once every 15 years the sauce makes it look delicious but when you take a bite you find yourself chewing a mushy preformed gelatinous mass of pork asshole, cartilage, ear lobe and snout meat.     So this Sunday when the Panthers take the field it will be against a Taints team that is lacking heart.  Payton has one foot in the medicine locker and the other foot out the door and the Mole is running out of fuel.  The Dome will not provide much of a home field advantage since the Saints are playing for nothing. The Panthers will be nice and rested up and thanks to the “worst 11-0 team in history” bulletin board material they will hit the field with something to prove.  J Stew should have a field day as our o-line takes over the game early.  I think the Saints will show a little life but in the end they are a bad football team.  As I said in the past, this team has a different mental make-up and I just cannot envision them having a mental let down.  There is a true dislike of the Saints organization.  I would not be surprised if Derrick Anderson is in by the start of the 3rd quarter of this game.  The preseason NFCS favorites will bow down to the preseason favorites to finish 3rd or 4th in the division.     Panthers 35 Saints 17
  4. Dab Like No One’s Watching

    Love it. Glad JR has allowed Ron to learn, grow and adapt as a head coach.
  5. Panthers Get SI Cover

  6. I always thought Lane Kiffin was an @hole

    Another Cam Newton fan. I love it. Come one come all. Grow this fan base and maybe we can finally own our own stadium.
  7. Panthers Get SI Cover

    I read today that Trai is leading the Pro Bowl voting at OG.
  8. Cam to Bama Hater:"I'll slap the S*** out of you"

    Some racist Tide fan killed a bunch of old trees. Those folks need to be smacked.
  9. Teb0w must have the largest set of blue balls this side of Babe the Blue Ox.
  10. tons of college football players doin the dab today

    Mom Jeans is in Nashville organizing a letter writing campaign to every college in Merica. Our children's futures are at stake.
  11. Cowboys Week: Let's do this

    AT&T Stadium gets owned worse than BofA stadium and these clowns call themselves America's Team lmao  
  12. Cowboys Week: Let's do this

    There is literally no reason to be a Cowboy fan unless you're from Arlington 
  13. Cowboys Week: Let's do this

    I want this one so bad. Can you imagine sitting around at 8:00 after a Panther win, eating some leftovers and watching the late game like  Would be one of the best Thanksgivings ever.
  14. Ten and mother freaking zero.  You like THAT? YOU LIKE THAT!  Let that sink in.  Ten wins.  No losses.  Hot damn it was great to send the fans of that team from Landover , MD home from BofA with a beat down of epic proportions.  Even the Panthers twitter handle bitch slapped the Redskins down to Earth when the moron handling the Skins Twitter account tried to claim Carolina as Redskin country during their little fan fest at Whiskey freaking River.  LMFAOOOOOOO.  They owned Whiskey River. Congrats you bunch of classless dick bags.   I hope each of you suffered a ruptured testicle while trying to mount your fat ass on the electronic bull.  You can have that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, we’ll take owning your ass on the field 7 days a week and 44 times on Sunday.  And I have a newfound distaste for 800lb. inbreds wearing gear with a Native American caricature and a derogatory name plastered on the back. Either 98% of Redskin fans are homeless or some discount website had a fire sale on faded ass 1980’s Logo Athletic brand Redskins jackets.  Redskin fans had me thinking I was at a Loaves & Fishes food drive event instead of an NFL game.  I was about to buy cheese fries for half those sad looking sumbitches in attendance yesterday.  I even threw some spare change at one dude.  But you know what?  Fug ‘em. They are yesterday’s news and just another brick in the wall now.  Irrelevant and stagnant, just like the tattered and sh*t stained sweat pants half the women in burgundy wore yesterday.  On to the next piece of trash, and I mean TRASH, fan base and team on the schedule.  Bring on the Cowgirls, turkey, bad ass uni’s, and a fan base that is dumber than a bag of dried up cat sh*t. When you look up stupid in the dictionary, it probably says something along the lines of “lacks intelligence or common sense”.  Enter Dallass Cowboy fans.  Delusional disorder combined with a $50 gift card to Kmart and a total lack of intelligence creates what we know today as Cowboy Fan.  Cowboy Fan is pretty easy to spot.  It’s like spotting a person of color in the stands at a Utah Jazz basketball game.  Cowboy fans stand out like the chafed nipple of a white trash inbred in a mesh “Beer, Jesus and Jeff Foxworthy” tank top shopping for knick knacks at The Yankee Candle store.  The cars they drive feature a Cowboy license plate, a Tarheel window cling, a NY Yankees flag, and a LA Lakers hat displayed in the rear window.  These morons know two things about the Cowboys:  “How bout ‘em” and “5 rings”.  That’s it.  You could go down to the Humane Society, adopt a dog, and teach it to eat its own sh*t and you would own a dog that would win a trivia battle with a Dallass fan.  A fan base that was used as the placebo controlled group to find treatment for fungal candidiasis (google that poo), Dallass fans haven’t had anything to crow about since 1995 when Pontiac was selling a damn 4 cylinder LeMans. Embarrassing as hell even though I drove one.  In 1995, Cotton Eye Joe was a Billboard Top 10 song and Panthro’s Members Only jacket had already been out of style for 10 years yet in 2015 these Cowboy fans bloviate endlessly about an era that is totally irrelevant to me as a Panther fan.  Anything that happened prior to the inception of our franchise is meaningless garbage and should be ignored.  There is a statute of limitations (no Cowboy fan, it’s not statue of limitations) when it comes to bravado and if my team wasn’t around when your team was successful then that statute of limitations has been exceeded so shut your damn pie hole.  When Cowboy Fan hops in his 1989 Mercury Topaz LTS Sedan all decked out in Cowboy sh*t to run to the video store to pick up a VHS it must create a space time continuum that takes them back to the 80’s and early 90’s. Time travel is the only way I can force myself to understand their bravado. For those Cowboy fans that infest the Carolina’s, here is a little history on the area since 99% percent of them haven’t been to the state of Texas and think the Cowboys play in Dallas, NC.  Around about 1840 after Texas had gained independence from Mexico, John Nealy Bryan was out roaming the plains in search of lonely cattle ranchers in need of a little late night cattle prodding, if you know what I mean.  He ended up settling along the Trinity River and named the area Dallas after a young cow poke that he made memories with on a steamy southwestern night.  Word spread fast about the special talents of Bryan and Dallas grew leaps and bounds over the years.  Decades passed and the oil boom brought prosperity to the region and eventually the area was awarded a professional football team.  Coined “America’s Team” by some NFL Films narrator the team’s popularity took off as every half wit conformist with the inability to think as an individual jumped on the bandwagon.  The labile phenomenon known as the autokinetic effect kicked in and the lemmings fell prey to the influence of suggestion.  The result was the birth of one of the most ignorant and loud mouth fan bases on earth.  So this Thanksgiving, make sure to give a special thank you to John Nealy Bryan because he is the reason we have to hear “3 and Romo”.  This Thursday our boys are going to be decked out in Panther blue and taking the field in Arlington to play a game in front of the nation.  We are the underdogs again.  We are being doubted again.  I think that makes 10 weeks or so when we are supposed to lose because of this or that.  Romo is back.  Big fugging deal.  I think the analysts are looking at this game all wrong.  Cam Newton is arriving.  Our offense is dynamic and I can’t believe what Mike Shula is putting together each Sunday.  The man beast is back at left guard.  Greg Hardy can eat a dick.  Cam and company are going to control the clock and dominate time of possession.  Our defense will limit Darren McFadden on Thursday and we will force Tony Romo to make that crucial turnover.  After a large plate of turkey with a little dab of potatoes and a little dab of stuffing, I will be settling in to watch our Panthers put the last naysayers against the ropes for a knock out blow.  I think we come out on Thursday and show the nation what type of team Nippleshorts has built here in Charlotte.  A team that balls together and a team that out works its opponents.  Let the Cowboy fans chirp folks, that’s all they know how to do.  Talk.  Hey Dallass fans, you hear that?  The Panthers are here to remind us that the biggest and the baddest get to make all the rules. Panthers 34 Cowboys 17 Happy Thanksgiving my Panther brethren.  Give e'm hell out there RoaringRiot.  That Walmart across from AT&T stadium is a great place to take a sh*t in an emergency.