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21902 Fuggin Awesome

About SCP

  • Rank
    Crop Dusting Son of a Bitch

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  • Gender Not Telling
  • Location On a Sales Call
  • Interests I love queso and tater tots in no particular order. Turn-offs are the ham on a Ruby Tuesday salad bar.


  • Location South Carolina

SCP's Activity

  1. SCP added a topic in Carolina Panthers   

    It's Jaguar Week! Come get some.
    Preseason’s over! Preseason’s over! Thank God almighty the preseason is over.   We have dealt with our fair share of injuries and I’m not going to sugar coat it, that truly sucks balls.  But, like with everything in life you have to put the negatives behind you, grab the bull by the horns, and forge ahead with what you’ve got.  All hands on deck bitches.  
    Sniff sniff.  What’s that smell?  There is a smell of sh*t in the air and for once it’s not me.  I am not writing this post from the restroom.  Folks, that smell you are smelling is none other than the city of Jacksonville, FL.  A city that claims to be the largest in America but when you peal back the onion you see it’s because the city leaders incorporated 98% of Duval County.  95% of that “city” is made up of Orange Park which is home to more white trash than a Darlington, SC rebel flag rally.  Every episode of COPS was filmed in Jacksonville and the city’s claim to fame is the Jacksonville Landing which consists of a Hooters and a few other mall food court level dining options.  If you’re driving down you’ll have better luck stopping off in Brunswick GA, hitting a Ruby Tuesday, and eating 6 plates of that fake ham on their salad bar.  “Come dine outside along the St John’s River” they say at Hooters.  That’s a fantastic idea if you like smelling a nose tingling combination of coffee, terpene based aroma chemicals (google that poo), and raw sewage while your overweight Hooter’s waitress serves you undercooked wings and flat Coors Light in a pitcher with a MRSA infested baggie of ice floating in it.  If that’s not really your scene, you could always walk a few blocks north and dodge bullets.  Or, if bullets and poop smell along the St John’s is not your cup of waist water, you can always grab a ride and make the 6 hour drive from downtown out to Jax Beach and visit the redneck Riviera.  There is a great sports bar and an oyster bar.  If you are into pregnant chicks that smoke and drink this will be your goldmine.  If you don’t like hanging out at bars with parking lots full of Pontiac Aztecs and 1990 Buick LeSabres, then my recommendation is to hunker down at the Mandarin Ale House on San Jose Blvd. and wait until the cheap beer sells out of the local stores.  This normally happens by 10am.  Then and only then is it safe to venture out onto the streets of J’ville because the locals will be holed up in their trailers trying to create new ways to get high out of household cleaning products.  
    When Sunday rolls around and the game kicks off, I will be 100% certain about three things.  One is that we will witness the Jags wearing the ugliest uniforms ever designed.  If you locked the marketing teams from Applebee’s and Life Alert in a room and told them to design a football uniform, even they would come out with something better than the Jags.  The helmet goes from black to gold.  There is not even a transition!  It’s ridiculous.  Their owner looks like Ron Jeremey with a spray tan and is determined to hold most of the teams home games in the UK or some sh*t.  So apparently ridiculously hideous uniforms are cool in Europe.  The second thing I am certain about is the stadium in Jax is the only venue that gets bent over by opposing fans more than BofA stadium.  At least we can hold our own when the Cards come to town.  These clowns in J’ville would get owned by a Canadian football fan base.  The damned Moosejaw Roughriders would outnumber Jags fans 15/1 if they ever played a game in Everbank.  The third and final thing I am 100% certain about is that Panther fans in attendance will see more jean shorts at Everbank Stadium than at a Wrangler outlet store in Myrtle Beach.  It’s like everybody in J’ville had their cable cut off in the middle of a Levi commercial in 1993.  So if you see somebody in jorts with black Reebok Pumps and a cut off shirt that says “Jack del Rio is the father of my baby”, you’ll know that person is a Jags fan.
    As for the game itself, I am not sure what to expect.  We seem to have a very deep roster but we lack a number one WR threat since our guy went down.  But you know what?  I have a gut feeling that Cam Newton is going to say fug this sh*t.  Cam will put this offense on his back this season.  We finally have an o-line that should give us an advantage in a game like the Jags game.  Our offensive coordinator has the smarts and creativity of plastic spork but I think we have just enough depth to overcome his deficiencies.  I have no clue what Jacksonville has.  I only think about them once every 4 years.  I know our defense should be able to pressure the hell out of Bortles and that he has lost his main TE receiving threat.  Its going to be hot as hell but Panther fans will be there in droves to pick our guys up thanks to the amazing RoaringRiot.  I think the game is closer than many think but in the end our running game settles in and our defense is too much for Bortles.  My helmet is pointing north towards BofA stadium.  It has not moved.  We cannot lose.  I think we win the turnover battle and win the game 
    Panthers 24
    Jags 13  
    • 40 replies
  2. SCP added a post in a topic Newton's instagram continues to be unique...   

    This photo will not deter me from buying yogurt or Under Armour
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  3. SCP added a post in a topic Newton's instagram continues to be unique...   

    Exactly.  Nothing to see here.  Cam does way too much in the community with his programs to even twist something like this.  Hell I hope this is what some of ya'll are saying it is.  I hope he is standing up for a cause.  It's his damned right as an American.
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  4. SCP added a post in a topic Newton's instagram continues to be unique...   

    As long as he doesn't get hurt he can do whatever he wants.  I just want him to win us ball games.  This kind of thing does not matter one bit. 
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  5. SCP added a post in a topic Gameday Menu   

    Have a Cub Scout hike with my 10 year old. Just like last week with the tee ball I'm not sure what I'll be eating. Kids sure can mess up some damned drinking and eating.
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  6. SCP added a post in a topic Gettleman: Norwell and Turner are man beasts of destruction and mayhem   

    I admittedly thought he mishandled the LT position.  I have been thrilled with the LG through RT decisions.  LT was my biggest worry.  Hopefully Oher can continue his strong play when the real bullets start flying.  
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  7. SCP added a post in a topic Russell Wilson The Charlatan   

    Speaking of pent up, when is Russell going to give it up to Ciarra?  Dude is a prude.
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  8. SCP added a post in a topic Russell Wilson high school hoops mix tape   

    I heard a rumor that during the Seahawks team get together in Hawaii this summer, Russell Wilson peed on the soil of a pineapple orchard and the crop output quadrupled overnight.  The farm owner was so thrilled by Russell's ability to grow pineapple with his urine that he created an alter and kicked his family out and dedicated his life to Wislon worship.
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  9. SCP added a post in a topic Russell Wilson high school hoops mix tape   

    Here I am trying to give him props and you have to turn it into a smack thread.  The dude talks to directly to God, he refuses to have sex with a girl that has probably fugged more dudes than Miley Cyrus, and he has holy water that cures illness. Add to all that his sick handle and smooth lay-up skills and the guy should have a statue on the White House lawn. He should be 4-0.
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  10. SCP added a post in a topic Gettleman: Norwell and Turner are man beasts of destruction and mayhem   

    He's a football guy.  He doesn't panic.  
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  11. SCP added a topic in Smack Central   

    Russell Wilson high school hoops mix tape
    Russell dropping buckets like healing water curing lupus 
    Dude is as versatile as a Pontiac Aztec.
    • 9 replies
  12. SCP added a post in a topic Despite recent trade, Panthers still in need of receiver help   

    And Bersin is more like a Buick Le Sabre
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  13. SCP added a post in a topic Despite recent trade, Panthers still in need of receiver help   

    I understand but we still have to be smart. Just because you can afford a Mazerati doesn't mean you need to buy one. Then you are committed to Z rated tires, high octane gas, and more expensive maintenance. That stuff takes away from he other things you could have to go along with it.  If I had s choice between a Mazz and a Toyota Tundra give me the Tundra.  It will get me from point a to point B and I have the flexibility to buy that UHD TV next month.
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  14. SCP added a post in a topic Despite recent trade, Panthers still in need of receiver help   

    So in essence Dave has addressed the WR position in the last two drafts with a first round pick, a second round pick, and a fourth round pick. He has addressed o-line by adding two young guards and a young OT that looks legit. He has addressed RB position in the draft.  I am struggling to see how Dave is ignoring the offense like many local radio hosts and callers have said ad nauseum since KB was hurt.
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