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24,375 Fuggin Awesome

About SCP

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    Crop Dusting Son of a Bitch

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  • Gender Not Telling
  • Location On a Sales Call
  • Interests I love queso and tater tots in no particular order. Turn-offs are the ham on a Ruby Tuesday salad bar.


  • Location South Carolina
  1. Cowboys Week: Let's do this

    I want this one so bad. Can you imagine sitting around at 8:00 after a Panther win, eating some leftovers and watching the late game like  Would be one of the best Thanksgivings ever.
  2. Ten and mother freaking zero.  You like THAT? YOU LIKE THAT!  Let that sink in.  Ten wins.  No losses.  Hot damn it was great to send the fans of that team from Landover , MD home from BofA with a beat down of epic proportions.  Even the Panthers twitter handle bitch slapped the Redskins down to Earth when the moron handling the Skins Twitter account tried to claim Carolina as Redskin country during their little fan fest at Whiskey freaking River.  LMFAOOOOOOO.  They owned Whiskey River. Congrats you bunch of classless dick bags.   I hope each of you suffered a ruptured testicle while trying to mount your fat ass on the electronic bull.  You can have that Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, we’ll take owning your ass on the field 7 days a week and 44 times on Sunday.  And I have a newfound distaste for 800lb. inbreds wearing gear with a Native American caricature and a derogatory name plastered on the back. Either 98% of Redskin fans are homeless or some discount website had a fire sale on faded ass 1980’s Logo Athletic brand Redskins jackets.  Redskin fans had me thinking I was at a Loaves & Fishes food drive event instead of an NFL game.  I was about to buy cheese fries for half those sad looking sumbitches in attendance yesterday.  I even threw some spare change at one dude.  But you know what?  Fug ‘em. They are yesterday’s news and just another brick in the wall now.  Irrelevant and stagnant, just like the tattered and sh*t stained sweat pants half the women in burgundy wore yesterday.  On to the next piece of trash, and I mean TRASH, fan base and team on the schedule.  Bring on the Cowgirls, turkey, bad ass uni’s, and a fan base that is dumber than a bag of dried up cat sh*t. When you look up stupid in the dictionary, it probably says something along the lines of “lacks intelligence or common sense”.  Enter Dallass Cowboy fans.  Delusional disorder combined with a $50 gift card to Kmart and a total lack of intelligence creates what we know today as Cowboy Fan.  Cowboy Fan is pretty easy to spot.  It’s like spotting a person of color in the stands at a Utah Jazz basketball game.  Cowboy fans stand out like the chafed nipple of a white trash inbred in a mesh “Beer, Jesus and Jeff Foxworthy” tank top shopping for knick knacks at The Yankee Candle store.  The cars they drive feature a Cowboy license plate, a Tarheel window cling, a NY Yankees flag, and a LA Lakers hat displayed in the rear window.  These morons know two things about the Cowboys:  “How bout ‘em” and “5 rings”.  That’s it.  You could go down to the Humane Society, adopt a dog, and teach it to eat its own sh*t and you would own a dog that would win a trivia battle with a Dallass fan.  A fan base that was used as the placebo controlled group to find treatment for fungal candidiasis (google that poo), Dallass fans haven’t had anything to crow about since 1995 when Pontiac was selling a damn 4 cylinder LeMans. Embarrassing as hell even though I drove one.  In 1995, Cotton Eye Joe was a Billboard Top 10 song and Panthro’s Members Only jacket had already been out of style for 10 years yet in 2015 these Cowboy fans bloviate endlessly about an era that is totally irrelevant to me as a Panther fan.  Anything that happened prior to the inception of our franchise is meaningless garbage and should be ignored.  There is a statute of limitations (no Cowboy fan, it’s not statue of limitations) when it comes to bravado and if my team wasn’t around when your team was successful then that statute of limitations has been exceeded so shut your damn pie hole.  When Cowboy Fan hops in his 1989 Mercury Topaz LTS Sedan all decked out in Cowboy sh*t to run to the video store to pick up a VHS it must create a space time continuum that takes them back to the 80’s and early 90’s. Time travel is the only way I can force myself to understand their bravado. For those Cowboy fans that infest the Carolina’s, here is a little history on the area since 99% percent of them haven’t been to the state of Texas and think the Cowboys play in Dallas, NC.  Around about 1840 after Texas had gained independence from Mexico, John Nealy Bryan was out roaming the plains in search of lonely cattle ranchers in need of a little late night cattle prodding, if you know what I mean.  He ended up settling along the Trinity River and named the area Dallas after a young cow poke that he made memories with on a steamy southwestern night.  Word spread fast about the special talents of Bryan and Dallas grew leaps and bounds over the years.  Decades passed and the oil boom brought prosperity to the region and eventually the area was awarded a professional football team.  Coined “America’s Team” by some NFL Films narrator the team’s popularity took off as every half wit conformist with the inability to think as an individual jumped on the bandwagon.  The labile phenomenon known as the autokinetic effect kicked in and the lemmings fell prey to the influence of suggestion.  The result was the birth of one of the most ignorant and loud mouth fan bases on earth.  So this Thanksgiving, make sure to give a special thank you to John Nealy Bryan because he is the reason we have to hear “3 and Romo”.  This Thursday our boys are going to be decked out in Panther blue and taking the field in Arlington to play a game in front of the nation.  We are the underdogs again.  We are being doubted again.  I think that makes 10 weeks or so when we are supposed to lose because of this or that.  Romo is back.  Big fugging deal.  I think the analysts are looking at this game all wrong.  Cam Newton is arriving.  Our offense is dynamic and I can’t believe what Mike Shula is putting together each Sunday.  The man beast is back at left guard.  Greg Hardy can eat a dick.  Cam and company are going to control the clock and dominate time of possession.  Our defense will limit Darren McFadden on Thursday and we will force Tony Romo to make that crucial turnover.  After a large plate of turkey with a little dab of potatoes and a little dab of stuffing, I will be settling in to watch our Panthers put the last naysayers against the ropes for a knock out blow.  I think we come out on Thursday and show the nation what type of team Nippleshorts has built here in Charlotte.  A team that balls together and a team that out works its opponents.  Let the Cowboy fans chirp folks, that’s all they know how to do.  Talk.  Hey Dallass fans, you hear that?  The Panthers are here to remind us that the biggest and the baddest get to make all the rules. Panthers 34 Cowboys 17 Happy Thanksgiving my Panther brethren.  Give e'm hell out there RoaringRiot.  That Walmart across from AT&T stadium is a great place to take a sh*t in an emergency.    
  3. You know Tennessee Mom is gonna fap to some Cam tonight.
  4. After this crapfest of a game is over, stay up to see the face of our franchise on SVP.
  5. If my 5 year old son gets a star on his report card for good behavior, I make him watch me burn the report card. Fug a star. fug Dallas.
  6. What Redskins Fans Are Saying

    You're talking about a group of people that make Karl from Sling Blade look like Carl Sagan.
  7. If the Panthers beat the 'Skins...

    All that matters is 1-0
  8. Pro tip: Take the mayo condiment packet and some Texas Pete. Just trust me.
  9. They make me want some garlic parm wings.  
  10. Sonela.  Sonela is a word the Cherokee Indian people use for the number 9.  Feels good to be 9-0 after going into Nashville and snatching a win from a better-than-their 2-6 record Titans team.  The victory had me dancing on the ceiling like Lionel Richie after an 8-ball.  The win also apparently sent Tennessee soccer mom’s in high-waisted mom jeans into fits of rage.  Nissan Stadium parking lots were full of minivans driven by beaten down, milquetoast husbands listening to the guttural screams of their wives complaining about the pelvic thrusts of huge, scary black guys.  Rosemary Plorin rooted for the preacher in Footloose while the rest of America rooted for Kevin Bacon and bought “Dance Your Ass Off” t-shirts. At the end of the game on Sunday in honor of my new found mental image of Titans fans, I made some popcorn and binge watched reruns of Designing Women and Paula Dean’s cooking shows.  I only added a little Dab of salt on them popcorn kernels though because we all know too much salt can lead to health problems.  Thanks Rosemary Plorin!  Your stupid ass PR degree looks to be a worthless piece of paper but at least you inspired me to dig up some old 80’s tunes. So now that 24 hours has passed it’s time to forget about Tennessee mom jeans and turn our attention to the next team and trashy fan base that will enter BofA stadium.  This group of folks has me a little angry and in a less than jovial mood.  We are staring down the barrel at a fan base where fecal incontinence runs rampant.  The fans and their four eyed owner think Native American culture can be purchased in the costume aisle at Walmart.  They will come from small communities all across NC and hate on the home team for reasons that make zero sense.  Yes, we get to face the team from Landover, MD and about 30,000 morons cut from the same Benedict Arnold fabric as the Cowboy, Steeler, and Packer fans around the region.   This entire week sickens me and it's one I have dreaded since the schedule was announced.  10-0 means nothing.  The previous 9 wins mean nothing.  We must end Sunday at 1-0.  We must take Ron Rivera's words to heart and send those assholes in burgundy down the ramps in tears.  The only difference between this group of fans and the three aforementioned fan bases is that Landover fans think it’s acceptable to smear on some brown face, throw on a head dress, and dance around smacking their lips and making those fake Indian chant sounds we were taught about in 4th grade.  They hide behind the mantra of “tradition not hate” because who wouldn’t defend a name that reminds Native Americans of a time when immigrants stole land from their tribes, am I right?  I mean at least in 1924 the US Government was kind enough to throw Native Americans a bone and recognize them as US Citizens.  Then in 1932 George Marshall thought it would be a hell of a way to honor our new US Citizens by founding a football team in our nations capital and nicknaming it a term that would make young Native Americans question their own skin color.  Hail to the freaking, well you get the idea.  If you ask a Landover fan to tell you about the Trail of Tears they will undoubtedly reminisce about the time they were in line at the Golden Corral buffet and it ran out of yeast rolls.  They are proud to shout a derogatory name and are unapologetic if someone takes offense.  It’s not surprising because finding a Landover fan with class is harder than finding a Huddle House waitress without herpes that’s not willing to comp some scattered-smothered-covered hash browns for sex and a smoke in the bathroom with a customer.   But I digress Panther fans, because if you are one of the few that didn’t sell your tickets and are actually going to the game on Sunday, get ready to see thousands of redneck assholes in maroon jerseys dressed like a character from a Yosemite Sam cartoon in the name of "respect".  Unfortunately Charlotte’s tailgating lots will be full of Anglo-Saxon and African American assholes in some old ass Zubaz pants devouring Laura Lynn cold cuts out of the trunk of a 1993 Ford Taurus they bought from Hertz Car Rental.  Buying a used rental car is like marrying a hooker with type II diabetes and a prosthetic vagina, so know your tailgating neighbors.    When we take the field on Sunday I’m sure the Vegas line will be close.  The Redskins can run the ball and Kirk Cousins is having the best 3 game stretch of his career.  Once again we will walk into our house and opposing fans will be talking about how they just need to make Newton throw the ball or how we haven’t played anybody.  I count 9 times now that we have had to hear about how we haven’t beaten anybody so I welcome that same input from the masses.  You know that our team is not over looking this opponent.  They will come into this game laser focused and ready to play.  This could be one of the best WR corps we have faced thus far and they have a nice TE and a good combo of RBs.  But I am not sure Gruden and company have faced a defense like ours.  I think our defense will swarm and hit Cousins and cause confusion.  I think our boys will force a few turnovers that will get the ball into our offenses hands where we will control the clock with a steady dose of run and capitalize with a few big plays.  Look for Cam to log another game with at least one rushing TD and a passing TD.  I have a feeling that Shaq Thompson scores a TD this game and we get a nice hard earned victory.  Hail to my nuts Skins fans. EMBRACE THIS TEAM, CHARLOTTE!! Panthers 28 Landover 14   I mean what screams respect and admiration better than these clowns: 
  11. Our Color Rush Uniforms

    I would have went with this but Nike gonna Nike   
  12. Huddle United

    Bob Ross fixin to paint a pissed off little tree bitch slapping a mountain.
  13. Dang that's sucks. Only bright side is at least that Packer clown and other opposition fans won't get their garbage in our house again.

    This is why sales guys are the greatest. Suck it haters!