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Need some serious advice


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#16 TheSaint

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Posted 01 December 2009 - 11:14 PM

Not one single suggestion that she talk to her roommate?

She needs a heart to heart with the roommate. If they work it out, fine, otherwise the roommate needs to take over the lease herself.

Or, make the guy an offer he cant refuse.

#17 pstall

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Posted 01 December 2009 - 11:23 PM

Yes to talking to the roommate but I would suggest this.
Dude blowing up like that for something that menial is a ticking bomb.
I would STRONGLY suggest your sister finding a new place to stay ASAP. Not saying break the lease but start looking at a place on the sly etc.
Without knowing the dynamic of the roommates(how long have they known each other, did they meet in college, high school) the roommate may be just as wacky.

Maybe while she is working on talking to the roommate I would try to find out the roommate's schedule and see if you can drop by from time to time to "check in". Not intervening per se but just do what bro's do.
If you see/meet the boyfriend, do NOT bring this up off the bat. See if it's possible to find a common intererst(oh you play Call of Duty as well? oh you like explosives?) and build that bridge.
But heres the thing and you just gotta trust me...even if you make some inroads, I still say ger her OUT of that situation.
Nip it in the bud and get her where not only can she study and do well but to be safe.
Finally and I'm also not joking. If you need ANY help with this cat, let me or us know.

#18 Matt Foley

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Posted 01 December 2009 - 11:33 PM

Is his last name Frye?

#19 mr beauxjangles

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Posted 01 December 2009 - 11:44 PM

I agree with Delhommey on this one. If its still an immediate issue tonight, or if a similar situation happens again, your sister should ask him to leave. If he won't leave, call the police. He is trespassing. Have your sister call you and then call the police when you arrive. Don't tell him. Just let the police show up.

It's better for him to get charged with trespassing than for you to get charged with assault.

Again, agree with Delhommey as well. And if your sister really does fear for her safety, I'd discuss pstall's option with her as well.

I'd also sit down with your sister's friend/roommate. How would she like it if your sister's boyfriend sat around their place all the time, yelled at her, cussed at her, and made her fear for her safety?

#20 ARSEN

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Posted 01 December 2009 - 11:58 PM

If that was me. I would calmly come to him and ask him to what the deal was. If he starts bitching, I would say... "listen, she's my sister and you cannot talk to her like that. If you ever yell at her again, I will take this problem to another level. Got it?" If he says "No" just say "Alright, just letting you know" Whatever he says afterwards it doesnt matter, just walk away. Never play pussy with the hotheads, they will disrespect you more.

One hothead was mean to my sister once, I got my hockey-stick and whack him right in the face. He went from badass to a pussy in less than a second. True magic.

#21 ARSEN

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 12:04 AM

I agree with Delhommey on this one. If its still an immediate issue tonight, or if a similar situation happens again, your sister should ask him to leave. If he won't leave, call the police. He is trespassing. Have your sister call you and then call the police when you arrive. Don't tell him. Just let the police show up.

It's better for him to get charged with trespassing than for you to get charged with assault.

Again, agree with Delhommey as well. And if your sister really does fear for her safety, I'd discuss pstall's option with her as well.

I'd also sit down with your sister's friend/roommate. How would she like it if your sister's boyfriend sat around their place all the time, yelled at her, cussed at her, and made her fear for her safety?


Calling the cops will cause a lot of problem between her and her roommate. By calling the cops she will have to accept the fact that her and her roommate will never get along again. I'd talk to the guy first unless it is an immediate thing.

#22 tarheelblue89

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 12:21 AM

If you go over there to confront him, don't go alone. Grab a couple friends, send a message to this prick that if this happens again he has you to deal with.

Violence isn't always the answer, but if this is your sister, it may be the answer.

#23 Scrumtrilescent

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 12:28 AM

From all that I've learned today, I'm never gonna let my kids go to UNCC.

#24 ARSEN

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 12:50 AM

From all that I've learned today, I'm never gonna let my kids go to UNCC.


Smart man.

#25 CosmoGirl

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 12:51 AM

Not one single suggestion that she talk to her roommate?

She needs a heart to heart with the roommate. If they work it out, fine, otherwise the roommate needs to take over the lease herself.

Or, make the guy an offer he cant refuse.


If the roommate puts up with him hitting her and still lets him be her boyfriend, then nothing that the sister says to the roommate will do any good.

#26 Panther'sBigD

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 01:40 AM

I suggest doing the following:

Next time he takes over the living room, have her call you. Get a group of your friends and head over to her apartment and take over the living room. Crowd the couch, take over the remote, etc., etc. Don't be overly aggressive, just tell him that your TV is busted and that you need to finish watching Bassmasters on their TV instead of whatever bowl game he's watching. You will either goad him into a fight, or he will punk out. If he pushes back, beat the hell out of him. If he backs down, do the 'unplanned visit' a few more times for good measure so that he gets the point. You don't have to slug him in the mouth, you just need let him know that you and your friends are only a phone call away.

In the meantime, help your sister get out of her lease and find a new place. It sucks that she's in that situation, but like Cosmo said, any girl that will stick around after a guy has hit her is not going to be easily convinced to dump him.

And like pstall mentioned, PM us if you need any help. Guys who bully women are the worst type of scum.

#27 neverlosethefeeling

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 01:50 AM

My sister has had talks with her roommate, and I guess tonight was just it all being blown up. He uses my sister's stuff, like food he doesn't pay for, and doesn't even clean up after himself. He'll let pots and pans stay out for 3 or 4 days at a time before he cleans them up or my sister gets so tired of seeing and smelling them that she cleans them up. Runs the dishwasher and does laundry at like 3 in the morning, which I guess can be aggravating if you're trying to sleep, etc. My sister's roommate said "Well this is my apartment, too, and he can come over when he wants." And to an extent, I think she's right. But there has to be some kind of boundary. He doesn't LIVE there, and if he does come over/spend the night, which is perfectly ok in my book, and my sister's as well, he shouldn't treat the place like he DOES live there. And he should respect the people that actually DO live there. Him being there already costs them overages on their water and electric allowances every month. It's one of those student-housing places but not affiliated with the university, so it's an all-inclusive rent and you pay by the room.I've met them both, and as a matter of fact I have a class with the boyfriend on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
We'll see what happens tomorrow. My sister came over here for a couple hours, and as of a couple minutes ago, he still hasn't apologized to her.

#28 Delhommey

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 08:34 AM

He can come over whenever sure, but the roomate is responsible for everything he does. The roomate needs to answer for your sister's food. The roomate needs to answer for the unacceptable noise levels. The roomate needs to answer for the mess in the sink. The roomate should be responsible for the extra utlities, but good luck.

Anytime the sister confronts the boyfriend, nothing good will come of it. She needs to deal with the roomate. If the roomate is unresponsive to your sister's needs, then it's time for a new roomate. Understanding that it's not resonable to expect the boyfriend to come over less, only that the problems he's creating are addressed.

#29 Carolina Husker

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 08:41 AM

Walk into the apartment and beat the shit out of him.

#30 Miaoww

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Posted 02 December 2009 - 08:45 AM

You guys have guns in that country for a reason, right?

I'm just kiddin', Delhommey's on the right lines here.


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