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Matt Foley

Classic lines from Hollywood Squares

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True or false. A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

At the end of the movie "The Planet of the Apes," what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?

Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.

You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

You've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?

Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries.

When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?

Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.

What should you think when you walk into an apartment and all the walls and carpets are brown?

Paul Lynde: The maid exploded.

Do female frogs croak?

Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

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Loved Hollywood Squares, the Marshall version as a kid!

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At the end of the movie "The Planet of the Apes," what does Charlton Heston see that makes him realize that he is actually in New York City?

Paul Lynde: A Puerto Rican.

hahaha

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Peter Marshall: What are “dual-purpose cattle” good for that other cattle aren’t?

Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies – but I don’t recommend the cookies

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your apartment

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?

Paul Lynde: Tape measures

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-what is it?

Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!

Peter Marshal: Why do sheep sleep huddled together?

Paul Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue’s a wierdo!

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