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Asking for money from a "friend".


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#1 TheSaint

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:32 AM

i referenced this on the car thread below.

About 6 months ago, my wifes friend fell on hard times and asked to borrow $500. I didnt say anyting and my wife sent her a $500 check.

3 years ago, these people bought 2 brand new vehicles, and i told ,my wife they were fools. They were soon, upside down.

I Theyve passed on a few other opportunities that would have meant more income and a better life for their family in the meantime It would have meant moving 60 miles with one job, and perhaps a bit too much responsibility with the other. See where this is going?

Anyway, friend wrecked her minivan. Luckily had good ol Gap Insurance. So she is buying another basically brand new car.....a crappy one at that.

Wife is getting pissed and wants to money back. I told her to forget about it at 1st, as i didnt want to have to deal with months of hearing abut the drama, but she is determined to ask for it.

No way this is gonna turn out good for the friendship...but in my opinion shes not a real friend...or a bad one in the best of situations.

Options: Blame it on me, that im busting her chops for the money.
2-tell her we need the money for some baby stuff.
3-flat out tell her, before she puts any money in that car, she needs to pay her back.


I know what i would do...what would u do? Ive told my wife that enabling these type people only leads to more stupidity and more than likely the loss of $500 and a 'friendshp'.

Edited by TheSaint, 30 December 2009 - 12:35 AM.


#2 AKPantherFan

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:36 AM

straight up tell her that 6 months have gone by and your very disappointed in the fact that she has not made any attempt to pay the money back.

Ask her if she thinks that reasonable..

put the ball back in her court to justify why she has made no effort. She will feel like crap, admit it and make an effort...

Or she will flat out be a bitch and stuff you,... (if thats the case- its going to happen anyways)

Friends should be there for each other, and she (if she is a REASONABLE person) knows this, she will want to make good.

Dont feel guilty, you did a good thing by lending her the $$$$, she knows she needs to make good.

If she bucks just let her know small claims court is not a difficult task.

#3 Inimicus

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:43 AM

Dont complicate a bad situation by lying about it.

Tell her straight up it was a loan and the bill has come due. Be firm, don't take no poo, but don't be rude.

#4 TheSaint

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 12:56 AM

Dont complicate a bad situation by lying about it.

Tell her straight up it was a loan and the bill has come due. Be firm, don't take no poo, but don't be rude.


No lying really. Other than im not busting my wifes chops to get it back.

We do have a new baby coming,

#5 Squirrel

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:09 AM

There you go just tell her that with the baby coming yall need the money back as soon as possible. Dont expect it right then and there but give them a chance to pay it back without giving a date.

#6 pstall

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:18 AM

Unless I got my "friend" to sign a contract. I NEVER expect the money back. EVER.
If they want to, fine.
If the words loan and payback etc were not discussed,then the keep on walking.
I have been rolling where I could on a whim give someone several thousands of dollars because they were in a bind to cutting my neighbors yard for grocery money.
I had friends come out of the woodwork who "owed" me. I never asked them to pay me back but the emotion of those funds coming when I truly needed it out weighed getting paid back when I demanded it.
IMO, friends don't loan money. They give it UNLESS it's clearly stated you will pay me back by X.

#7 AKPantherFan

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:19 AM

There you go just tell her that with the baby coming yall need the money back as soon as possible. Dont expect it right then and there but give them a chance to pay it back without giving a date.


screw that--

GIVE A DATE


The damn bank gives me a date for paying my bills...

6 months is a long time for deferred payment, he has been nice enough, and its and interest free loan.

Give a date.

hell- let HER give you a date, put it in writing and then you dont have to carry the burden, if she doesnt make good call judge judy :)

#8 Squirrel

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:31 AM

Banks are businesses loaning money to a friend isnt. Pstall is right when I loan money to friends (seldomly and that have to be close friends). I dont expect it back I would prefer keeping a friend then argue over money. But if you have to ask for it back just info them. Reason I said dont give a date is because most likely they will need time to save the money up to pay it back.

#9 Inimicus

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:39 AM

No lying really. Other than im not busting my wifes chops to get it back.

We do have a new baby coming,

Didnt mean to imply that you were lying. More meant to say you dont need an excuse or an exaggeration to ask for her to repay it. Sorry for the confusion.

Id also like to echo what pstall said. I never loan money to a friend that I cant afford to give them. In almost every case I have gotten repaid and in the few cases I havent the amount wasn't worth trashing the friendship over. If its not a friendship you care about losing then go with AK's plan. Set a date on paper and hold her to it with the court as leverage.

#10 SorthNarolina

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 02:26 AM

I don't loan money to people unless their my friends. I loaned like 200 bucks to a friend and he took 8 months to pay me back but i didn't really care either way because he was a friend. I was just happy to help him out. I know that'd he do anything for me so i didn't really care if he never paid me back. But he did, even after 8 months he still had it in mind, he made a special trip to pay me back as he passed by my school

Honestly i think people have standards that are too low for friends. I have very high standards to call somebody a friend and thus I've never had any problems. All the time i see people get in fights with somebody and say something like "I thought he/she was my friend" when they've only known them for 3 months or something. I have way higher standards that most people for friends. I think most people around my age consider aquantancies friends and that should change.

#11 Delhommey

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 03:22 AM

Most points are covered here.

I agree never lend to friends or family money you ever expect to get back. Also, never lend money to someone you'd feel out of place asking for it back.

Personally I like the straight up
question: "Was that $500 money you ever planned on paying back?" Followed up by "When?"

#12 Zcustom

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 08:37 AM

Sounds like they aren't good friends.

My deal was always don't worry about paying me back, just be there for me if I am ever in need.

It always comes back around if they're truly good friends

#13 TheSaint

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:11 AM

Unless I got my "friend" to sign a contract. I NEVER expect the money back. EVER.


totally agree. And i told my wife that. But, the girls said she would pay it back several times. But i agree if it aint in writing, dont expect it back.

#14 cookinwithgas

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:13 AM

Pstall is right, it was not a loan, it was a gift that you hoped to get back one day.

Chalk it up to karma, maybe this loser will win the lottery someday and pay you back then.

#15 TheSaint

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Posted 30 December 2009 - 10:13 AM

Honestly i think people have standards that are too low for friends.


so very true.


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