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Just look at yourself Arizona


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#1 Fiz

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Posted 04 January 2009 - 11:17 PM

yes, you, Arizona, the embarrassment of urban sprawl and completely unsustainable living that you are.

Arizona was the last contiguous state to enter the union, basically because the territory existed mainly as a place for people to pass through on the way to other, better states, and land that the native americans kept offering to anyone that would take it.

today, Arizona is known for strip malls, concrete, drive through restaurants and nothing resembling culture. It's the site of a diploma mill university who managed to buy the naming rights to a football stadium. They only managed this because the only other suitor was a company called Pink Taco.

I bet you don't even know where the Cardinals play. That's because there's no point differentiating between towns in Arizona; they're all absolutely poo. The Cardinals play in a disgusting overgrown meth lab called Glendale, famous for being the "antique capitol of the world." this is because it is a town where old, forgotten retirees come to die, so all their old worthless poo gets auctioned off to stupid people from California.

What does Arizona got going for it? Well, not much. It has the third highest home foreclosure rate in the country due to stupid people building homes they couldn't afford on worthless land. There aren't any growth jobs whatsoever. There is a thriving service industry though, so if you always wanted golden arches in your future, this it the place to be. Arizona also has the most impermeable land of any state. This means that it's nothing but goddamn concrete as far as the eye can see.

Also, they allowed an invalid to carpetbag their state while using a corrupt newspaper giant to spread lies about his opponent, then continued to vote him in for no other reason than they were too lazy to realize what a twat he was.

The Cardinals themselves are a perfect microcosm for the state of Arizona: fake, uninteresting, and ignored by the rest of the civilized country. The fans couldn't even sell out the first playoff game in 60 years, mostly because the Cardinals have no fans. The team peaked against the Panthers in their first meeting, had a gift touchdown from Jake Delhomme, still couldn't win, and then promptly sucked for the rest of the year, winning the NFC West by default. The Bidwells are the worst owners in the nfl, far worse than Henry Clay Ford, and will probably move the team the second it's in their economic interests.

Phoenix, Glendale, Tempe are all cities that will eventually vanish because they're unimportant. They aren't trade centers, near major water ways, or near anything that can be sold. They just sprung up because people decided they didn't mind driving three miles for a loaf of bread. They're dead already and they don't even know it, much like the team that none of them cheer for.

#2 sunbunny

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Posted 04 January 2009 - 11:20 PM

Now that's quality smack!!!! *smooches*

I was about to try and summon devil. *let's have a moment of silence*

#3 Rush23

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Posted 04 January 2009 - 11:25 PM

If you were a Cardinal fan I am pretty sure there is no possible way to respond to that without getting completely owned. Good job sir.

#4 PanthersFanInGA

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Posted 04 January 2009 - 11:27 PM

Sad thing is when you actually think about it, it's true.

#5 sunbunny

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 12:09 AM

Someone might need to cliffs note this for the cards fans. I don't know if their attention span is long enough to read the entire thing.

#6 CardinalLarry

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 09:21 AM

Wow Goober, you have a lot of time on your hands between motor cars coming in to the fillin station, or did you and Floyd come up with it at the barbershop?

Your claim to fame is watching hillbillies drive around in circle for hours upon hours waiting for the last guy with four tires and gas left to go around 500 times first.

Remember this when you get up Saturday morning and pull on your overalls and brush your tooth, your baby blue wearing kitty cat team hasn't won jack in the NFL.

We are gonna smash you back to your single wide at the end of that dirt road, where you and your cousins can make lots more babies.

Enjoy your off season.

#7 JoCoLoco

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 09:30 AM

Wow Goober, you have a lot of time on your hands between motor cars coming in to the fillin station, or did you and Floyd come up with it at the barbershop?

Your claim to fame is watching hillbillies drive around in circle for hours upon hours waiting for the last guy with four tires and gas left to go around 500 times first.

Remember this when you get up Saturday morning and pull on your overalls and brush your tooth, your baby blue wearing kitty cat team hasn't won jack in the NFL.

We are gonna smash you back to your single wide at the end of that dirt road, where you and your cousins can make lots more babies.

Enjoy your off season.


That offends me greatly.

We paid good money to put gravel down.

#8 cookinwithgas

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 09:33 AM

Doesn't Arizona have a hillbilly race there too?

At least we had a TV show made about us that does not involve serial killers or Bob Crane. Our trailer parks have trees...but I will give you the tooth part.

And as far as not winning jack, we have won multiple division crowns and an NFC championship in our very short (comparitive) existence. In fact, we got that title in part by beating a certain QB who after that game started looking very old and got canned.

We do get to play in our own stadium, not on loan for some odd reason from a college. We sell out playoff games in minutes. We fill the stadium even when its a little bit cold. We have managed to do this in one of the most competitive divisions in the NFL, not one with one dominating team that needs to choke on itself to give one of the three bottom feeders a shot, like this year.

#9 Cyclonus

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 09:51 AM

your baby blue wearing kitty cat team hasn't won jack in the NFL.


Where's yours?

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#10 tattoorhino

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 10:01 AM

As much I disagree with Fiz on just about every issue, Man I have to give you props for the smack you laid own. Kudos to you my friend.

#11 Carolina Husker

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 12:21 PM

Now that was funny.

#12 PanthersFanInGA

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 01:02 PM

Wow Goober, you have a lot of time on your hands between motor cars coming in to the fillin station, or did you and Floyd come up with it at the barbershop?

Your claim to fame is watching hillbillies drive around in circle for hours upon hours waiting for the last guy with four tires and gas left to go around 500 times first.

Remember this when you get up Saturday morning and pull on your overalls and brush your tooth, your baby blue wearing kitty cat team hasn't won jack in the NFL.

We are gonna smash you back to your single wide at the end of that dirt road, where you and your cousins can make lots more babies.

Enjoy your off season.



Get that dick out of your ass and wake up. If we haven't won jack in the NFL, what have the Cardinals won? lol

#13 Delhommey

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 02:04 PM

Arizona does have ASU.

God bless the ASU campus.

#14 Prideclaw

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 04:34 PM

Wow Goober, you have a lot of time on your hands between motor cars coming in to the fillin station, or did you and Floyd come up with it at the barbershop?

Your claim to fame is watching hillbillies drive around in circle for hours upon hours waiting for the last guy with four tires and gas left to go around 500 times first.

Remember this when you get up Saturday morning and pull on your overalls and brush your tooth, your baby blue wearing kitty cat team hasn't won jack in the NFL.

We are gonna smash you back to your single wide at the end of that dirt road, where you and your cousins can make lots more babies.

Enjoy your off season.


Yeah, yeah,yeah there Chief Gotnocok. Anyone from there freakin' middle of absolutely nowhere talking poo about the south is truly comical.
*If NASCAR's such a bad thing why in the hell did Phoenix beg for a track?
*If you people had any sense you'd have built a stadium that doesn't look like my freaking dog's water bowl.
* I'll take a single wide over a teepee any day.

#15 UNC-T

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 04:56 PM

OP was such an absolute beat down that we will have trouble keeping this towards the top of the smack forum unless we bump it ourselves.


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