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Captroop

Office Etiquette Debate: The Microwave

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Can we set some ground rules for the Microwave in the office kitchen?

I'm thinking of printing some up and taping them to the door. Here's my list. Let me know if I left anything out:

  1. No foil wrappers. The fact that I even have to bring this up is mind-boggling. And no styrofoam either.
  2. No leftover fish. Fish in pre-packaged frozen meals is okay. The trout from last Tuesday is not. Not only does it smell up the entire floor, but now my ham pizza tastes like is washed up in the Chesapeake Bay.
  3. No line jumping. This is debateable (if the microwave is empty it's fair game), but I think common courtesy should prevail here. If you see someone standing next to the microwave punching holes in the lid of their frozen meal, that's not an excuse for you to shoot in your cup o' noodle and hold the other person up.
  4. And most importantly, Unclaimed food has a two minute grace period to be picked up. That's it. I understand you want to multitask while you're food is heating, but damn it the rest of us want to eat too! You know how long you set the timer for. I'll wait two minutes after the buzzer goes in good faith. After that, the microwave shall be considered in an empty state. That means you have lost the right to:


    • Ownership of the microwave. Back of the line jackass.
    • Complete the microwave instructions. But it says stir then heat for an additional 3 minutes? Sorry chief. If you had additional steps you should have stuck around.
    • Give me a dirty look when you find me using the microwave and see your food cooling on the counter.

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Microwaving leftover fish calls for public disembowelment.

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5. Popcorn despite packaging timing instructions is not Fire-and-forget. You listen for the 3 secs between pops and pull it. Microwaves vary in power and thusly vary in cooking your popcorn. No one likes smelling your charred popcorn.

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6. Clean up your sh*t when it splatters...

This is yet another reason I'm glad only two other people work here with me.

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5. Popcorn despite packaging timing instructions is not Fire-and-forget. You listen for the 3 secs between pops and pull it. Microwaves vary in power and thusly vary in cooking your popcorn. No one likes smelling your charred popcorn.

This....people here burn the Hell out of their popcorn and stanks up the whole damn place.

Can we also add that people need to cover their leftover spaghetti so it doesn't exploded sauce all over the inside of it?

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6. Clean up your sh*t when it splatters...

This is yet another reason I'm glad only two other people work here with me.

Oh, shoot. I definitely forgot that one.

And I was going to make a rule about no curry, but that's a battle I simply can't win in my office.

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Public service announcement regarding microwave burritos

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How about we add for the "establishment". If there are 100 workers in your office that take lunch around the same time, it would be nice to have more than one 20 year old microwave available.

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establishment f*cking us at every turn.

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