Just read this and it made me laugh so have to post it. Also bolded my favorites from his list.
Game of Thrones...you mean, sick, sadistic SOB. There haven't been this many violent deaths in a book since the Bible, by God. What happened during the Red Wedding is the equivalent of the Cowardly Lion dying of cancer just as he's about to meet Oz, or Charlie Buckett getting sucked up by the bubble fan while Grandpa Joe dies of a heart attack watching his grandson ripped to shreds in a dark London chocolate factory. Where will this end? Is anyone safe? At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if the dragons all die of upper respiratory infections or if Jon Snow caught syphilis from that wild one he was schtupping in the Goonies cave. Nothing is sacred. No one is safe.
Now look. I am all for some surprises. All too often in fiction, everything is predictable and derivative. But killing Ned Stark in Season 1 checked that box for me. Burning down his home town certainly fulfilled any sort of yearning I was still having for sick and unexpected acts of horror. But killing a pregnant woman by stabbing her in the stomach while her husband watches, who then gets shot and stabbed while his mother watches, who then gets shot and stabbed while a wolf howls, who's then stabbed to death while the family's little sister, who just arrived after months of witnessing monstrosities of the highest level, sits back and watches in the comforting arms of a first-class serial killer?
Touche, you sick, sick puppy. Touche.
As I sit in my own puddle of tears, now a week old, in anticipation of the Season 3 finale, I don't know how much more I can take. I love an ulcer as much as the next person, but at what point do I just throw in the towel and say, "you know what? I don't want to support the annihilation of the Stark family." So, here is what I am looking for in the finale this Sunday to make it up to me.
1. The Red Wedding was a dream sequence brought on by too much wine. When they all wake up, everyone has coffee and eggs in their bed-and-breakfast suites.
2. Joffrey is thrown into the kingdom's first large saltwater tank, which happens to house both crocodiles and Great White sharks.
3. The Lannisters, with the exception of Tyrion, are all taken to the top of their castle and beheaded one by one, and the heads are used in a Haunted Mansion-style attraction they build in the dungeon.
4. Daenerys Targaryen finally makes love to Fabio, has a child which is also a dragon, names it Falcor and it grows up to do great things with a boy named Atreyu.
5. Fire Crotch and Stannis Baratheon give their beautiful fire demon son a proper bar mitzvah and invite the whole kingdom. The one true God stays home and sulks.
6. The White Walkers all start a foundation to prevent global warming.
7. Jon Snow becomes a motivational speaker for victims of Stockholm Syndrome.
8. Tyrion Lannister runs off with Shae and the two of them open an off-Broadway show based on The Joys of Sex books.
9. Twenty-five pivotal new characters are introduced at the end of the finale without any explanation.
10. The opening credits' map of the realm expands into more urban territories like Detroit and Camden.
If, and only if, HBO agrees to these demands, I will happily continue to watch Game of Thrones next season. And if they don't...I will still watch the next season three times in a row...but only in protest...and under great duress.