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Divorce

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Posted

Is it the 19th. century? What does a child have to do with marriage?

who the fug cares about divorce when children aren't involved?

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Posted

Divorce sucks, but sometimes its a necessary evil. Its easy to say don't get married, but the fact is that people change, and sometimes for the worse.

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Posted

Newp. Not against the idea but I'm picky and also have never felt I should get married just so I can be married. If I have to wait till 50 to find the right one. I know I made the right decision waiting till my 30's as I am a much better judge of character than I was 5 years ago.

As I refuse to believe in divorce I am very choosy who I marry.

That is an undeniable truth...That's why I also believe people should wait until they are 30+ to be married.

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Posted

That is an undeniable truth...That's why I also believe people should wait until they are 30+ to be married.

Everyone is different. There are couples who have been happily married 50 plus years who got married before the age of 20.

My only advice to those getting married...

For guys...she may be what you want right now, but look at her mother. This is the direction her changes will take. Are you okay with that?

For girls...you better like him as he is right now. Thinking you can change him is foolish. Any changes you can impose on him will only be temporary.

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Posted

I doubt anyone who is about to be married, sits there and says to themselves "Gee... I don't have a problem getting divorced from this person." No one can really predict what is going to happen in the future, and as divorce survivor, I never once believed in it before it happened to me.

The most discerning person in the world can't judge a person's character that is hidden from them. You can believe you know the person all you want, but if they are flat out lying to you about their personality or committing actions behind your back before/after you have tied the knot, you won't see it coming. Not believing in divorce and having it happen to you are two very different things.

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Posted

Everyone is different. There are couples who have been happily married 50 plus years who got married before the age of 20.

My only advice to those getting married...

For guys...she may be what you want right now, but look at her mother. This is the direction her changes will take. Are you okay with that?

For girls...you better like him as he is right now. Thinking you can change him is foolish. Any changes you can impose on him will only be temporary.

Agree with this approach as well...I know someone who ditched a fiance because her mother had the biggest ass on the planet, and he thought their genes were too close to risk it. That's shallow, but true!

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Posted

Everyone is different. There are couples who have been happily married 50 plus years who got married before the age of 20.

My only advice to those getting married...

For guys...she may be what you want right now, but look at her mother. This is the direction her changes will take. Are you okay with that?

For girls...you better like him as he is right now. Thinking you can change him is foolish. Any changes you can impose on him will only be temporary.

Good post. I'm 24 and me and the wife are approaching 2 year anniversary, and I can't see myself anywhere else. I still tell my friends not to get married though, lol. We weren't really party people, I had a career already she had a full time job, it was the only thing left to do to progress the relationship and I'm happy with it.

And yeah, girls, you can't change em. When my wife gets mad at something I do or a tendency, I just say "Was I like this before you married me?" She says yes, and then she just walks away. Then again, you need to also be yourself so they know what to expect. Don't hold things in before tying the knot.

I don't know if I agree with divorce or not. I know some people use it as the easy way out and all this, and it really means nothing nowadays. But then I think about if it's really worth it having 2 people miserable their whole life. Even with kids, is it worth it watching their parents fight every other night because they aren't happy? You can be a good father (or mother) without being married to the mother, it just takes work, and maturity of the father/mother and also keeping the child's interests in mind. Unfortunately this doesn't happen much, but I've seen it work before.

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Posted

I would think the fact that two adults swearing publically to God and an audience of friends and family that only death can take them apart and then reniging less than a decade later would bring more moral indignation.

If marriage is a sacred institution why is the fact half of America makes a mockery of it and of God only get the attitude that "poo happens?"

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Posted

I went through one

so you're the guy ruining the sanctity of marriage

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Posted

so you're the guy ruining the sanctity of marriage

Quite possibly...But noone should be required to stay married to someone like my first wife.

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Posted

I would think the fact that two adults swearing publically to God and an audience of friends and family that only death can take them apart and then reniging less than a decade later would bring more moral indignation.

If marriage is a sacred institution why is the fact half of America makes a mockery of it and of God only get the attitude that "sh*t happens?"

So if the other person becomes violent and abusive, or cheats continuosly, then one should still stay married to him or her?

Like I said, men and women do change over the years. Sometimes subtlely or in harmless ways, sometimes in more dramatic fashion.

For my own parents, my Father stayed loyal, worked hard, and took care of us until I was about 4 years old. Then his mother died, and he completely changed. He found a girlfriend, stayed away for months at a time etc... My mother had no choice but to divorce.

You say you are choosy, and thats all well and good. But what if the woman you choose changes after 4 or 5 years and decided she doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or back to your original post, what if you don't believe in divorce, but your spouse or significant other does

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Posted

I doubt anyone who is about to be married, sits there and says to themselves "Gee... I don't have a problem getting divorced from this person." No one can really predict what is going to happen in the future, and as divorce survivor, I never once believed in it before it happened to me.

The most discerning person in the world can't judge a person's character that is hidden from them. You can believe you know the person all you want, but if they are flat out lying to you about their personality or committing actions behind your back before/after you have tied the knot, you won't see it coming. Not believing in divorce and having it happen to you are two very different things.

I agree. It's a lot easier to judge or have an opinion that you would stick it out no matter what. Sometimes no matter what means sacrificing everything you believe in and want, is it worth it then?

I never planned on being a divorcee when I got married. I married for life and had every intention of sticking and working on it when things went south. I had no control over the ex and when he decided he wanted out, no amount of work or effort on my part to try to put it back together could save it. It takes two to make marriage work and it's hard work. It won't survive if both parties are not vested in salvaging a marriage when it gets rough.

I was 28 when I married and I made my share of mistakes along with him. Everyone matures differently and I was ready for the long haul. He changed about 8 years into it and it went downhill from there. Needless to say I would be a lot more cautious about jumping into another marriage and hope that if I ever remarry, that I have learned a lot from my mistakes and make better choices the next time, should I decide it's worth a second try.

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