Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Divorce

72 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post

I doubt anyone who is about to be married, sits there and says to themselves "Gee... I don't have a problem getting divorced from this person." No one can really predict what is going to happen in the future, and as divorce survivor, I never once believed in it before it happened to me.

The most discerning person in the world can't judge a person's character that is hidden from them. You can believe you know the person all you want, but if they are flat out lying to you about their personality or committing actions behind your back before/after you have tied the knot, you won't see it coming. Not believing in divorce and having it happen to you are two very different things.

So if the other person becomes violent and abusive, or cheats continuosly, then one should still stay married to him or her?

Like I said, men and women do change over the years. Sometimes subtlely or in harmless ways, sometimes in more dramatic fashion.

For my own parents, my Father stayed loyal, worked hard, and took care of us until I was about 4 years old. Then his mother died, and he completely changed. He found a girlfriend, stayed away for months at a time etc... My mother had no choice but to divorce.

You say you are choosy, and thats all well and good. But what if the woman you choose changes after 4 or 5 years and decided she doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or back to your original post, what if you don't believe in divorce, but your spouse or significant other does

Truth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

What I've learned is the only unforgivable sins are other's sins.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Having dated and befriended many many people, I've found one of the most psychological damaging acts in life is parents seperating.

Do you know anyone who was raised in a household where parents were abusing them or each other or things of that nature? It would be interesting to see how their feelings on marriage & divorce compare/contrast. I find it tough to believe that children would be more harmed by a divorce of abusive parents, or ones who fought non stop in front of them, etc. than they would if those parents stayed together. Some of it no doubt has to do with how the parents handle the divorce. Most divorced parents I know of have one or the other using the kids as tools to wield power over the other and that, I agree, is very, very damaging to children.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Divorce is one of the greatest things EVAR!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Well, the fact of the matter is, nothings perfect. Even the people who have been married 30+ years, they've had their many struggles and such. It's a matter of emotional strength to a certain degree. Of course if the spouse is abusive and what not, then obviously divorce is necessary. I think a big problem in the world today though, is that people force things to happen and rush into things like marriage. Obviously im a 16 year old nub, so my opinion is moot, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

My sister has been married and divorced 3 times, my mom got married and divorced twice (she's on her third marriage...so far it's lasted about 17 years, my aunts have all been divorced at least once on my mom's side....etc. etc. It's weird but everybody on my mom's side of the family has had multiple marriages and divorces, and everybody on my dad's side has only been married once...except my dad because he fuged up and married my mom, lol. I've been married for almost 15 years and have thought about getting divorced more than a few times. But I always come to the realization that nobody is perfect and if you're looking for a perfect relationship you're going to be disappointed. You have to work through things like adults. Now I understand a person wanting to get out of an abusive relationship, but some of the other things I see people getting divorced over just make me scratch my head.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Because it is to easy to get one.

The throwaway society in which we live

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Do you know anyone who was raised in a household where parents were abusing them or each other or things of that nature? It would be interesting to see how their feelings on marriage & divorce compare/contrast. I find it tough to believe that children would be more harmed by a divorce of abusive parents, or ones who fought non stop in front of them, etc. than they would if those parents stayed together. Some of it no doubt has to do with how the parents handle the divorce. Most divorced parents I know of have one or the other using the kids as tools to wield power over the other and that, I agree, is very, very damaging to children.

Amen. My marriage was far from abusive, at least physically abusive, but I knew our relationship was damaging to my children. They have thanked me more than a few times for finally divorcing. They have a great relationship with me and with their dad -- and he and I get along famously now -- but they know they were better off after the divorce.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

I find it amazing that not a single one of my friends comes from a home where the parents are/have been divorced...and it's been that way for a while. The kids I grew up around all the way to my friends today.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

I find it amazing that not a single one of my friends comes from a home where the parents are/have been divorced...and it's been that way for a while. The kids I grew up around all the way to my friends today.

Mainly I'm like that. At least with my close friends.

When people start talking about their step-siblings and extended family from second and third marriages my eyes glaze over like they were trying to talk Advanced Calculus in a bar. I have no idea how to relate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Exactly. I've brought it up to a couple of them a few years back and they were kind of surprised by it as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

The key word to describe marriage is sacrifice, if you're not willing to sacrifice your standards, expectations, authority, time and above all yourself to your spouse it definitely won't work.

In a "ME FIRST" America we live in it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

My wife and I were both 19 when we married and have had a crazy rollercoaster ride to today. We are both completely different people than we were back then and if either of us was not willing to sacrifice anything then our marriage would be doomed.

That's the hardest thing for people to grasp, them and there future spouse will change.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites