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#16 Matt Foley

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 12:34 PM



That is an undeniable truth...That's why I also believe people should wait until they are 30+ to be married.


Everyone is different. There are couples who have been happily married 50 plus years who got married before the age of 20.

My only advice to those getting married...

For guys...she may be what you want right now, but look at her mother. This is the direction her changes will take. Are you okay with that?

For girls...you better like him as he is right now. Thinking you can change him is foolish. Any changes you can impose on him will only be temporary.

#17 Raskle

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 12:35 PM

I doubt anyone who is about to be married, sits there and says to themselves "Gee... I don't have a problem getting divorced from this person." No one can really predict what is going to happen in the future, and as divorce survivor, I never once believed in it before it happened to me.

The most discerning person in the world can't judge a person's character that is hidden from them. You can believe you know the person all you want, but if they are flat out lying to you about their personality or committing actions behind your back before/after you have tied the knot, you won't see it coming. Not believing in divorce and having it happen to you are two very different things.

#18 Htar

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 12:38 PM

Everyone is different. There are couples who have been happily married 50 plus years who got married before the age of 20.

My only advice to those getting married...

For guys...she may be what you want right now, but look at her mother. This is the direction her changes will take. Are you okay with that?

For girls...you better like him as he is right now. Thinking you can change him is foolish. Any changes you can impose on him will only be temporary.


Agree with this approach as well...I know someone who ditched a fiance because her mother had the biggest ass on the planet, and he thought their genes were too close to risk it. That's shallow, but true!

#19 Zaximus

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 12:44 PM

Everyone is different. There are couples who have been happily married 50 plus years who got married before the age of 20.

My only advice to those getting married...

For guys...she may be what you want right now, but look at her mother. This is the direction her changes will take. Are you okay with that?

For girls...you better like him as he is right now. Thinking you can change him is foolish. Any changes you can impose on him will only be temporary.


Good post. I'm 24 and me and the wife are approaching 2 year anniversary, and I can't see myself anywhere else. I still tell my friends not to get married though, lol. We weren't really party people, I had a career already she had a full time job, it was the only thing left to do to progress the relationship and I'm happy with it.

And yeah, girls, you can't change em. When my wife gets mad at something I do or a tendency, I just say "Was I like this before you married me?" She says yes, and then she just walks away. Then again, you need to also be yourself so they know what to expect. Don't hold things in before tying the knot.

I don't know if I agree with divorce or not. I know some people use it as the easy way out and all this, and it really means nothing nowadays. But then I think about if it's really worth it having 2 people miserable their whole life. Even with kids, is it worth it watching their parents fight every other night because they aren't happy? You can be a good father (or mother) without being married to the mother, it just takes work, and maturity of the father/mother and also keeping the child's interests in mind. Unfortunately this doesn't happen much, but I've seen it work before.

#20 Delhommey

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 12:51 PM

I would think the fact that two adults swearing publically to God and an audience of friends and family that only death can take them apart and then reniging less than a decade later would bring more moral indignation.

If marriage is a sacred institution why is the fact half of America makes a mockery of it and of God only get the attitude that "poo happens?"

#21 rodeo

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 12:54 PM

I went through one


so you're the guy ruining the sanctity of marriage

#22 Htar

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 01:07 PM

so you're the guy ruining the sanctity of marriage


Quite possibly...But noone should be required to stay married to someone like my first wife.

#23 Davidson Deac II

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 01:15 PM

I would think the fact that two adults swearing publically to God and an audience of friends and family that only death can take them apart and then reniging less than a decade later would bring more moral indignation.

If marriage is a sacred institution why is the fact half of America makes a mockery of it and of God only get the attitude that "sh*t happens?"


So if the other person becomes violent and abusive, or cheats continuosly, then one should still stay married to him or her?


Like I said, men and women do change over the years. Sometimes subtlely or in harmless ways, sometimes in more dramatic fashion.

For my own parents, my Father stayed loyal, worked hard, and took care of us until I was about 4 years old. Then his mother died, and he completely changed. He found a girlfriend, stayed away for months at a time etc... My mother had no choice but to divorce.

You say you are choosy, and thats all well and good. But what if the woman you choose changes after 4 or 5 years and decided she doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or back to your original post, what if you don't believe in divorce, but your spouse or significant other does

Edited by Davidson Deac II, 22 February 2009 - 01:36 PM.


#24 5158Poundin

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 01:52 PM

I doubt anyone who is about to be married, sits there and says to themselves "Gee... I don't have a problem getting divorced from this person." No one can really predict what is going to happen in the future, and as divorce survivor, I never once believed in it before it happened to me.

The most discerning person in the world can't judge a person's character that is hidden from them. You can believe you know the person all you want, but if they are flat out lying to you about their personality or committing actions behind your back before/after you have tied the knot, you won't see it coming. Not believing in divorce and having it happen to you are two very different things.


I agree. It's a lot easier to judge or have an opinion that you would stick it out no matter what. Sometimes no matter what means sacrificing everything you believe in and want, is it worth it then?

I never planned on being a divorcee when I got married. I married for life and had every intention of sticking and working on it when things went south. I had no control over the ex and when he decided he wanted out, no amount of work or effort on my part to try to put it back together could save it. It takes two to make marriage work and it's hard work. It won't survive if both parties are not vested in salvaging a marriage when it gets rough.

I was 28 when I married and I made my share of mistakes along with him. Everyone matures differently and I was ready for the long haul. He changed about 8 years into it and it went downhill from there. Needless to say I would be a lot more cautious about jumping into another marriage and hope that if I ever remarry, that I have learned a lot from my mistakes and make better choices the next time, should I decide it's worth a second try.

#25 catfang

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 02:20 PM

I doubt anyone who is about to be married, sits there and says to themselves "Gee... I don't have a problem getting divorced from this person." No one can really predict what is going to happen in the future, and as divorce survivor, I never once believed in it before it happened to me.

The most discerning person in the world can't judge a person's character that is hidden from them. You can believe you know the person all you want, but if they are flat out lying to you about their personality or committing actions behind your back before/after you have tied the knot, you won't see it coming. Not believing in divorce and having it happen to you are two very different things.


So if the other person becomes violent and abusive, or cheats continuosly, then one should still stay married to him or her?


Like I said, men and women do change over the years. Sometimes subtlely or in harmless ways, sometimes in more dramatic fashion.

For my own parents, my Father stayed loyal, worked hard, and took care of us until I was about 4 years old. Then his mother died, and he completely changed. He found a girlfriend, stayed away for months at a time etc... My mother had no choice but to divorce.

You say you are choosy, and thats all well and good. But what if the woman you choose changes after 4 or 5 years and decided she doesn't want to be with you anymore? Or back to your original post, what if you don't believe in divorce, but your spouse or significant other does


Truth.

#26 Delhommey

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 02:54 PM

What I've learned is the only unforgivable sins are other's sins.

#27 Fireball77

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 03:21 PM

Having dated and befriended many many people, I've found one of the most psychological damaging acts in life is parents seperating.

Do you know anyone who was raised in a household where parents were abusing them or each other or things of that nature? It would be interesting to see how their feelings on marriage & divorce compare/contrast. I find it tough to believe that children would be more harmed by a divorce of abusive parents, or ones who fought non stop in front of them, etc. than they would if those parents stayed together. Some of it no doubt has to do with how the parents handle the divorce. Most divorced parents I know of have one or the other using the kids as tools to wield power over the other and that, I agree, is very, very damaging to children.

#28 engine9

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Posted 22 February 2009 - 10:30 PM

Divorce is one of the greatest things EVAR!!!!

#29 goodlay

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Posted 23 February 2009 - 12:40 AM

Well, the fact of the matter is, nothings perfect. Even the people who have been married 30+ years, they've had their many struggles and such. It's a matter of emotional strength to a certain degree. Of course if the spouse is abusive and what not, then obviously divorce is necessary. I think a big problem in the world today though, is that people force things to happen and rush into things like marriage. Obviously im a 16 year old nub, so my opinion is moot, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

#30 stankowalski

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Posted 23 February 2009 - 01:35 AM

My sister has been married and divorced 3 times, my mom got married and divorced twice (she's on her third marriage...so far it's lasted about 17 years, my aunts have all been divorced at least once on my mom's side....etc. etc. It's weird but everybody on my mom's side of the family has had multiple marriages and divorces, and everybody on my dad's side has only been married once...except my dad because he fuged up and married my mom, lol. I've been married for almost 15 years and have thought about getting divorced more than a few times. But I always come to the realization that nobody is perfect and if you're looking for a perfect relationship you're going to be disappointed. You have to work through things like adults. Now I understand a person wanting to get out of an abusive relationship, but some of the other things I see people getting divorced over just make me scratch my head.


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