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Real Cheating


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#1 KBRed

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:00 PM

So, my girlfriend of almost 6 years cheated on me on Sunday. I was honestly close to proposing, but we kept having arguments here and there that kept me from committing. He was a random guy that works in her building.

I really don't know what to think. She is honestly not that type of girl, but in a way I feel it's my fault for not fully being there. I started a business 3 years ago and financially it's been hard on both of us and I've been focusing a lot of time on it. But, I still feel that there is no excuse for what happened.

I'm 29, and really feel lost. She is begging me for mercy. She said she didn't know what she truly had until this happened. She realizes the difference in a gentleman and a player now, but all I see in her when I see her is betrayal and him. A part of me wants to forgive her, but I feel like it's because she is literally all I've known for love. I might sound like a doucher, but it hurts pretty bad.

Has anyone been through this? Gotten back with someone that cheated on you? Left and found someone?

#2 mmmbeans

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:05 PM

you're gonna get a lot of comments... i say take a week... cool off, you'll know what to do.

you've got every right to be angry... but that's not really going to help you right now.


sorry man.

#3 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:05 PM

That sucks man, and is a bad deal... I would have a hard time with it and getting over it, just being honest.

Did she come out and tell you or did you find out?

#4 KBRed

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:08 PM

She went out with 'friends', I wake up around 8am and find that she never came home. She told me lies at first, but after an interrogation, she finally confessed. Said she couldn't really keep it from me, but didn't want to hurt me.

#5 Epistaxis

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:10 PM

http://www.surviving...aq_bs.asp#FAQ17

(Note: no matter how miserable the marriage, or what contribution the BS may have had in creating that dynamic, infidelity is never justifiable. The honest and honorable choice would be to attempt to improve the marriage through honest communication, or divorce. In exploring joint responsibility for the marriage dynamic, it is imperative that both WS and BS keep the choice to have an affair a separate issue.)


#6 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:10 PM

Better you found out now, right after it happened...

beans advice is sound... take a week, chill, hang out with your friends, maybe talk to someone about, a good bud or your dad... see where your feelings take you. Don't rush and do something you'll regret, but if you decide to stay with her, you both have to get around it... not going to be easy.

#7 Panthro

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:16 PM

I would tell her you need some time apart (like a month) and at the end of it you will let her know.

I would not invite her back into my life so quickly. Make sure you've had some time to talk it over with other friends/family and be right with it yourself. She needs to give you space...and respect that space.

(Also ask her if this was the only time)

#8 Panthro

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:17 PM

Get out of town....go to the beach with some friends.

#9 cookinwithgas

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:17 PM

Cheaters cheat. The odds of it being a one time thing are slim. Don't give in to her praise of you being such a nice guy and giving you the illusion that you are somehow in control now. Obviously fidelity means a lot to you so you can believe me when I say that you will, at the very least, suspect her of wrongdoing from here on out.

I've seen it happen way too many times.

If she was really that in need of a lay she should have broken up with you first. She tried to get away with some very wrong headed action and got caught.

#10 pOpCoRnPoPpEr

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:33 PM

Harsh

Yeah i'm not a forgive and forget kind of person. I could never trust her again, it would fug with my head everytime she went "out with friends." No, i couldn't trust her and without trust the relationship is dead. fug buddies yes, relationship no.

#11 Jase

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:35 PM

you have to take some time and ask yourself if you could ever see yourself trusting her again.

If you can't ever trust her again, you probably shouldn't be with her.

#12 KBRed

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:35 PM

The hardest thing is that I still live with her. Our lease is up in August. I don't really want to see her, but she continues to try to 'be there for me'. Trying to hug and sleep in the same bed, but I refuse, b/c in a way I feel she is tainted. I'm not quite sure what to do. I figured I would head to my parents this weekend, but I can't really get away currently.

#13 KBRed

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:38 PM

Harsh

Yeah i'm not a forgive and forget kind of person. I could never trust her again, it would fug with my head everytime she went "out with friends." No, i couldn't trust her and without trust the relationship is dead. fug buddies yes, relationship no.


That's my biggest issue. She was very trustworthy, but I've always had trust issues. She earned my trust, but now I've told her, if there was even a slim chance of getting back together, I would never trust you going out with friends again so it would be hard to continue the relationship.

#14 Panthro

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:38 PM

Me I would move back in with my parents (if possible) and continue to pay on the lease. She or you has to move out for a month at the minimum.

That would put you into July ish.

#15 Panthro

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:39 PM

But without trust there is really no point. She will also be miserable because she will think you do not trust her and will become defensive over random questions/conversation.

She also lied.


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