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The Biggest Jerks in the NFL


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#1 Mr. Scot

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:20 AM

Per Mike Freeman of CBS Sports (link)

Nos. 10-9: (tie) San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh and Detroit Lions coach Jim Schwartz: This is a tough one. Went to high school with Schwartz. Love him. Excellent coach, but his overreaction to a hard handshake from Harbaugh is a classic jerk reaction from a guy with a serious sideline temper.

Harbaugh is arrogant and just as sideline-angered as Schwartz, and his story about how the 49ers didn't really pursue Peyton Manning is actually hilarious. That's like saying you look at Rihanna and appreciate her eyes.

No. 8: Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler: If ever there was a jerk face prototype, it would be Cutler. Plays the part well with the best smirk in the NFL. His defenders say he's not so jerkish -- that his reactions are more because he despises the media. Yes, jerks are always misunderstood. I actually believe Cutler is maturing and one day will break free of his jerk chains, but for the moment, there's this NSFW moment.

No. 7: New York Jets defensive back Antonio Cromartie: Now has an amazing 12 kids: four from his wife and eight others with seven different women. Let that marinate and we will move on. (But first: that's a starting offense with a backup quarterback.)

There is a not-so-funny message here. It is impossible for a man to be a good father to his children in this kind of situation unless Cromartie has cloned himself. Thus the repercussions of jerkdom aren't just about football. They can be far more reaching.

No. 6: Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson: Benched in fourth quarter of a game last year. Benched for missing team meeting. Celebrates before scoring. More than once. Mad talented, crazy fast, super smart and a jerk.

This will be an interesting situation to watch. The Eagles just rewarded Jackson with a long-term deal. Historically, jerks don't handle this kind of thing well. Jerks are to fat contracts what a Kardashian is to ... oh, never mind. Jackson also is now the CEO of a rap label called Jaccpot Records. Nothing wrong with that. The problem, as always with a situation like this, is money. Someone has to fund this venture and it will probably be Jackson. Athletes funding their own business ventures never go wrong, right? And speaking of broke jerks.

No. 5: Chicago Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall: You may notice this list is strong at wide receiver. Jerk has apparently spread to the position and locked on like a Borg tractor beam. In some ways Marshall exemplifies this phenomenon. Multiple accusations of woman beating but no convictions. One of the most talented wide receivers in football who was run out of Denver, run out of Miami and, if his jerk chromosomes kick in again (and they will), he'll be gone from Chicago in the near future, too.

No. 4: Special Brett Favre dispensation for Terrell Owens: T.O. checks in here, which is technically a violation of the jerk charter since Owens, you know, isn't currently in the NFL. He's been booted from the NFL, IFL, USFL, CFL, AFL, the AFL-CIO. UFOs and IPOs don't want him either. Owens is a lifetime jerk award winner, future Hall of Famer (should be at least) who was nasty, petulant and turbulent. His jerkiness is so pervasive that despite having some ability remaining no one will touch him. People fear catching jerk cooties. Love me some jerk.

No. 3: New Orleans Saints*: A collective award. And who knows if they even did what they're accused of doing. If they're guilty, they belong in this spot. If they're innocent, then this is where Ndamukong Suh , leg stomper, dirty player, shall go. So ordered.

No. 2: Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger: Two sexual assault allegations (no convictions) but a four-game suspension for violation of the NFL's personal conduct policy. A well-earned jerk ranking.

No. 1: Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick: This question was put to Twitter: does Vick deserve to be forgiven for what were atrocities against defenseless animals? Hundreds of responses came in and it was overwhelming there are still a great many people who haven't forgiven Vick for actions of his own making.


Much as I think Vick deserves to be high on this list, I gotta put Roethlisberger at number one.

For balance, here's Freeman's top ten good guys (with special attention to number ten).

No. 10: Cam Newton: Boy, does he look really lazy.

No. 9: Maurice Jones-Drew: His tweet questioning Jay Cutler’s heart notwithstanding, one of the league's good dudes.

No. 8: Matt Hasselbeck: Sarcastic but possesses good sense of humor, and has changed the direction for the better of every NFL team he's played on.

No. 7: Donald Driver: The opposite of the me-first jerk wide receiver.

No. 6: Calvin Johnson: Ditto.

No. 5: The Golden Calf of Bristol: C'mon, he's a good dude. Not his fault media pays far too much attention to him.

No. 4: Chad Ochocinco: Sure, he's a little foul-mouthed on Twitter, and yes, he was once a showboat, but he was, and is, harmless. He's also, secretly, an incredibly solid person and goes out of his way to make people think he's not.

No. 3: Aaron Rodgers: Deserves a lifetime achievement good guy award for putting up with Brett Favre’s tomfoolery.

No. 2: DeMaurice Smith: Fighting the good fight for the union.

No. 1: Tom Coughlin: Yeah, that Tom Coughlin. This isn't just about his charity work. Jerks do charity work. This is about Coughlin's perseverance. Over the past few years, the only person who didn't fire Coughlin was Donald Trump. A handful of New York media were vitriolic and unfair, and Coughlin mostly kept his cool and should be a Hall of Famer.



#2 MadHatter

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:21 AM

Per Mike Freeman of CBS Sports (link)


Was an interesting read until you worked your way down to his list of the Non-Jerks.....when he had DeMaurice Smith as the #2 Non-Jerk, his list was proven to be ridiculous.

#3 Mr. Scot

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:26 AM

There's a few definite disagreements I have with the "good guy" list.

I don't buy number eight or number four. Ochocinco's secretly a nice guy? Meh. And Hasselbeck is a prick.

De Smith? Well, that's definitely up for debate.

And how in the world do you leave Warrick Dunn off the 'good guy' list? Yeah, I know he's retired, but Terrell Owens isn't playing either and his name is still on the 'jerk' list.

I like the choice at number ten though :)

#4 Argus Plexus

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:27 AM

Ahhh the offseason

#5 Iceberg Slim

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:28 AM

You know I still wonder why years later Mike Vick is as hated as he is......Dude did prison time for his crime, came back out and has re-tooled himself. I think that makes a statement about Felons in this country.....a lot of people are just unwilling to give a second chance

#6 Growl

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:32 AM

lol at Demoron smith on the "nice" list.

#7 Jangler

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:32 AM

Vick has been discussed enough on this board.

#8 Mr. Scot

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:32 AM

You know I still wonder why years later Mike Vick is as hated as he is......Dude did prison time for his crime, came back out and has re-tooled himself. I think that makes a statement about Felons in this country.....a lot of people are just unwilling to give a second chance


It's not just about the dogfighting. Vick was a self-centered, dullwitted, egotistical jerk long before any of that stuff was discovered. His recent complaints about deserving to be higher on the 'Top 100' list show he still just doesn't get it.

That said, I still can't rank him higher than Big Ben.

Another question: How the heck is Ndamukong Suh not on that list independent of the special condition at #3? I'd put him at #4 instead of Owens (not that Owens isn't deserving, but he's not in the league at the moment).

#9 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:33 AM

Decent list... Vick shouldn't be on it now imo.

Smith and Coughlin at the top of the "good guys" list is baffling.

#10 Peppers90 NC

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:48 AM

Name me one list, anywhere from anybody, that gets at least 50% approval rating. There isn't one, but it's funny to watch nfl fans bitch about them.

#11 csx

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:52 AM

Name me one list, anywhere from anybody, that gets at least 50% approval rating. There isn't one, but it's funny to watch nfl fans bitch about them.


Yep, they make lists when there is nothing else to talk about so that they get people all bothered and put links on message boards. Links = ad revenue and that's the only reason they are in business.

#12 jackson113

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 09:53 AM

rapist> dog fighter....just my opinion

#13 Mr. Scot

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 10:00 AM

In prior years, you'd likely have seen Drew Brees on the 'nice guy' list.

His name's not on either one. Well, except as part of the number three collective on the 'jerk' list.

#14 Peppers90 NC

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 10:01 AM

Yep, they make lists when there is nothing else to talk about so that they get people all bothered and put links on message boards. Links = ad revenue and that's the only reason they are in business.

it's especially funny to read comments like on nfl.com all the butthurt fans that feel they got dissed. is it ironic that fans of such a tough, physical sport act like pussies so much?

#15 csx

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Posted 25 June 2012 - 10:07 AM

it's especially funny to read comments like on nfl.com all the butthurt fans that feel they got dissed. is it ironic that fans of such a tough, physical sport act like pussies so much?


Nobody whines like football fans.


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