My Panthers can't tackle.
My Panthers can't cover.
My Panthers o-line is hit or miss.
My hate for those bandwagon Saints fans has poured a little water on the fire of hate that burns within me for Falcon hermaphrodites. However, with the Saints falling to 0-3, that "Who is That" shitwagon is now getting pretty empty. Unfortunately it looks like the Falcons have put together a fine team. Even though your 800lb running back got busted after a 3am drunkin binge at Waffle House, you guys appear to score at will. Noodle arm has some legit, albeit ugly as fug, wideouts. We have a 5'2" nickle back and a corner from some D4 Myrtle Beach community college. Cam is seeing a shrink. Our pass rush looks like a graduation ceremony in Atlanta, nonexistent. So yes, you guys may just win by 40. But fug you guys anyway. Atlanta traffic sucks. I hate your airport. Coca Cola rots your teeth. The average age of a 5th grader in ATL is 26 years old. And I never buy poo from Home Depot. Kevin Rathbun's steak house is fugging awesome though. So is The Varsity. But outside of that I hope all of you catch methicillin resistant staphylococcus aureus.
You threw me by starting off with a slap at the idiot Taints fans, but I get that you also don't like the Falcons. The Taints are so bad nowdays, heck, even your team can beat them, which is tatamount to saying the Taints need to either disband or drop down and start playing Arnea League football. Michael Turner did get caught DUI the other night, but you have to give the guy credit for at least trying to hurry home before he got caught because they clocked him at 97 mph before stopping him. But hey, he's a star, a celebrity, and likely the only morbidly obese person who will ever get paid to pose as a pro football RB, so he deserves some slack. As for Ryan, "Matty Ice" has been a different person this season. I guess that alien abduction thing really DID happen in the post-season and he came back as a genetic mutation of his former self. Too bad they couldn't do anything when they picked up Cam. Seems like when they did their preparatory brain scan, they only found an empty skull cavity and had to beam him back down with no upgrade. Coca Cola will NOT rot your teeth if you only put a few drops of it into a full glass of Jack Daniels Black, so if your teeth are rotten from Coca Cola you're doing it wrong. I hope you fans stay strong and healthy and live long lives, because otherwise you'll miss the Panty resurgence which I predict will happen around 2055 at your present rate of yearly improvement. As for never buying from Home Depot, it's probably better that you Panty fans not try using any power tools, those are real dangerous for retarded people to mess with.
P.S. Quality rant, SCP. I LOL'ed hard all the way through it.