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Bad analogies


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#1 FurdTurgason

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 12:45 AM

These were compiled by a group of high school teachers. Enjoy....

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

#2 Panthers_Lover

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:22 AM

I kind of like #20 ...

#3 Hawk

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:32 AM

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.


that's not far from the truth...just sayin

#4 Scrumtrilescent

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:38 AM

There are a few good ones, I think. If I had to go off of a high school teacher's expertise on things, I'd probably be living in a box beside a Walmart, like a puppy that's too old to be puppy cute but not old enough to be mellow like an adult dog.

#5 nobody

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 10:47 AM

No sorry - 17 wins it

#6 Kettle

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 11:26 AM

15 and 18 are best I think.

#7 catfang

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 11:28 AM

4,5,20 made me chuckle.

#8 FurdTurgason

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 01:08 PM

I like 6 and 7. Of course, I AM as tall as a 6-foot-3 inch tree.

#9 Hawk

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 01:09 PM

short ass

#10 lightsout

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 01:16 PM

A man once tried to rob a convenience store, and like a man who was shot in the chest with a shotgun, he was shot in the chest with a shotgun.

#11 FurdTurgason

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 02:46 PM

He was stuck in the mud, not unlike the 1979 Seattle Seahawks during their negative seven yards of total offense game against the Los Angeles Rams.


Winner winner, seachicken dinner

#12 Mrs Pantherfan

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 02:48 PM

#5 made me LOL for real

#13 Panthro

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 03:03 PM

this

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

#14 SCP

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Posted 30 November 2012 - 03:18 PM

Jimmy Clausen glided on air out of the pocket towards the sideline and threw the football for an incompletion, like a monkey throwing a handful of his own poop at a bunch of wheelchair bound seniors on a nursing home field trip to the zoo.


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