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Disciplining Children

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my punishment was work. hauling bricks, fixing the driveway, cleaning the gutters, washing the cars... whatever needed to get done. i learned a hell of a lot more from that than i ever learned from being spanked.

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Posted · Report post

You have to know as they get older what gets their attention. When my girls were younger the only time we spanked was either lying or hitting someone else. As they got older the mere mention of spanking would alter behavior.
Now as 13 and 10 we deprive them of stuff they like or want but you have to make it short term and avoid exasperating them. Because the they may do what you want to shut you up and that creates a wall.
At times we will take something away and ask them what should it be. We never punish them with more work or go to their room. Some kids want to go to their room.

What we also do is offer a chance to fix it. If they can fix it then no punishment.
One other thing to consider. Sometimes the punishment is more effective when the other parent does it. If its just mom or dad they get tone deaf or associate one over the other with bad stuff.
My wife and I trade off. Also mom and dad ALWAYS need to be on the same page on what the punishment is. If you disagree get it settled before you talk to them.
Hang in there.

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The thing I hate the most that she does right now is when she's told to do something she'll sit there until she's ready to get up or until I raise my voice and start counting. She's hoping I'll walk off and forget what I told her to do.

One of the problems kids have at this age is selfishness, so yes, when she pulls the "write 10 things you like about your parents" from the jar, it helps her think of someone else instead of herself and own feelings.

I don't spank, I did occasionally when she was little but like biscuit said, only for dangerous situations.

I recently saw someone bite their 3 year old for biting another child. WTH? You don't bite your kid!

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Posted · Report post

poo, I might...it'll show 'em that poo hurts! :)
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All of the above mentioned punishments yous had growing up, I got all that too. Dig a hole only to fill it in, lots of extra chores, had my ass whooped quite a few times, was grounded a lot(once for 4 months to my room -no TV, no phone, no Atari, got caught stealing for a 3rd time). Every bit of it made me a better person/father now, although I didnt always see it like that...


My kids are 3 & 5, and are as hard-headed as their father. They know theyre gettin a poppin when I count to 3. Lately Ive been tellin them Im not counting & show them 'teh Poppin Hand', they are learning... I have been tryin to get into takin things away, but I think mine are too young yet to 'appreciate' what I am doing. I feel a lot like SCP said he does, I want to be more patient, but it is hard to be a lot of the time. I fuggin hate it when my kids are acting up when we all get hoem & I feel like all Ive done all night is discipline them. It will help when they get older is what I keep tellin myself, then I make sure to let them know that Daddy loves them before they go to sleep....

Tough spot, LiaG.. I do think taking away the things they like most is most effective. 'Hit 'em where it hurts' theory. Its like at work, somebody showin up late regularly, give them the day off. Theyll figure it out come payday... Take away the TV & make her earn it back...

I have my in-laws stayin with us 'temporarily'. My 15-yo sister in law is the same way, had to tell her 5 times to do the dishes. She did dishes for a week, going to see if she learned her lesson tonight...

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[quote name='j2sgam' timestamp='1355427500' post='2044804']
All of the above mentioned punishments yous had growing up, I got all that too. Dig a hole only to fill it in, lots of extra chores, had my ass whooped quite a few times, was grounded a lot(once for 4 months to my room -no TV, no phone, no Atari, got caught stealing for a 3rd time). Every bit of it made me a better person/father now, although I didnt always see it like that...


My kids are 3 & 5, and are as hard-headed as their father. They know theyre gettin a poppin when I count to 3. Lately Ive been tellin them Im not counting & show them 'teh Poppin Hand', they are learning... I have been tryin to get into takin things away, but I think mine are too young yet to 'appreciate' what I am doing. I feel a lot like SCP said he does, I want to be more patient, but it is hard to be a lot of the time. I fuggin hate it when my kids are acting up when we all get hoem & I feel like all Ive done all night is discipline them. It will help when they get older is what I keep tellin myself, then I make sure to let them know that Daddy loves them before they go to sleep....

Tough spot, LiaG.. I do think taking away the things they like most is most effective. 'Hit 'em where it hurts' theory. Its like at work, somebody showin up late regularly, give them the day off. Theyll figure it out come payday... Take away the TV & make her earn it back...

I have my in-laws stayin with us 'temporarily'. My 15-yo sister in law is the same way, had to tell her 5 times to do the dishes. She did dishes for a week, going to see if she learned her lesson tonight...
[/quote]

I know what you mean. Lately from the time we get home til the time they get in bed it's a power struggle. Then when their asleep its like poo, I didn't even get to enjoy my kids. They wife and I both work so in the morning it a rush and at night it's a rush. It's not fair to the boys. But the back talk and the stubbornness just gets me going. I haven't been able to spank my boys yet, but that might be what the next step is. At least mix it in every once in awhile.

Pstall had some good points as well about not prolonging it too much. Never thought of that. Sometimes I want to let that poo marinate, it's hard sometimes to remember they are 2 and 7 when they are misbehaving.

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Posted · Report post

I have also been tryin askin my son what the punishment should be the next time he does something wrong. Let them choose the punishment, I have to agree of course, but I feel that drives it home a bit more...

My kids have already learned that Daddy is the hardass & Mommy is not. Too many times my wife makes excuses for the kids behavior, too many times have I let them have their way. It only makes it worse when I tell her to deal with it, Im going out to my garage, Im not going to deal wiht it then. The worst part is that I know this is a big contributor to the problem, and kick myself when I do let it go because my doing that only makes it worse later on...

I do appreciate the sentiment, though, good to know Im not the only one feelin this way....

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Posted · Report post

crate train them!

i kid.

the best solution is a long, boring talk about why what they did is wrong, and the consequences if they do it next time, and following through with those consequences imo. put them on work release, ie, grounded from video games and entertainment and friends and distractions until the entire house is clean to your specifications, mow an elderly neighbor's yard for free, etc etc

most discipline problems come from inaction, or inconsistent punishment. disciplining a child is a 24/7/365 job, and constructive discipline is the best from what i've seen.

but i'm allergic to children so wtf would i know

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I was such a bad teenager growing up and the one thing that stuck with me was my mom emotionally hurting me.

I remember getting home and getting through the door and my mom was sitting at the kitchen table with all her friends. She yelled out about 5 times "I hate that boy. That boy right there I hate him."

I was so hurt and embarrassed. I sat down that night and asked myself, "Why does my mom hate me?'' Good thing I was able to realize because I was a bad kid.

Needless to say, I think i'm my mom's favorite today.

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Posted · Report post

my kids are perfect, no discipline required

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Posted · Report post

thats cause there is nothin to do in Canada to get in trouble... other than indiscretions with a moose, but it was lying, right?
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Posted · Report post

no video = no truth

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