No, not everyone has kids.
Then you have failed from a pure biological perspective. Note that I don't actually believe this but breaking down how good a team is based on whether they win or lose is pretty much the same thing. Additionally, you asked what professional athletes play for. I assume you were asking a rhetorical question with the 'answer' being wins, but the answer is actually money.
Once again, you can say your team is whatever you feel like saying it is based on any number of things, and the only important factor for the current season is....you guessed it.
Well no, that's not the only important factor for the current season for all teams. There are the playoffs as well. And the teams that are better in those other stats are more likely to win than the ones that are poor in the other stats, even if they have the same record.
You act like coaches hire data analysts to come in and tell them poo they already know...
(most coaches already know where their team is weak and don't need any complex statistics to come to their conclusions)
Hint: Real players and coaches look at tape more than numbers.
And when they watch and break down film and present them to their players in the film sessions they are creating STATS! For example if they watch film and notice that player X bites on a play action Y% of the time. Granted these stats are specific to single teams and single matchups created to help exploit weaknesses, whereas the advanced stats mentioned are more concerned with prediction and general analysis. But the fact remains that they are both the same basic principle.
That's the ultimate end result when you toss out all stats and analysis and take an "only wins and losses matter" approach. When you do that then any loss is the worst thing that can happen to a team, no loss is worse than any other, and you might as well clean house because there is nothing that went right in that game since you got the L. When you win you should give everyone a contract extension immediately because there is literally nothing that can possibly be improved upon, we won and no win is better than any other.
Before you accuse me of being hyperbolic, remember that you said "Stats are for losers" just a few posts ago.