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#1 beach

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:38 PM

AGREEMENT

Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound maybe this would be a solution we could live with.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT -- This is so incredibly well-put, and I can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student!! Whatever he runs for, I'll vote for him!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors..

17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.

18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".

20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall

Law Student and an American


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#2 Tarheel31

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:49 PM

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#3 Happy Panther

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:03 PM

Unfortunately this might be the best the GOP has right now.

#4 mmmbeans

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:12 PM

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx.

"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Karl Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decisions made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

"How old is this rock?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"

"Wrong. It's been 5,000 years since god created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real... then it should be an animal now"

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of the Origin of Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears.

The student applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and god himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.



#5 Jase

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:49 PM

^One of my fave internet parodies of all time

#6 mmmbeans

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:56 PM

me too.

#7 SZ James (banned)

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:01 PM

new to me :lol:

#8 Delhommey

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

What would we do without AM talk radio and middle managers?

#9 beach

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 06:19 PM

Oh I almost forgot to mention, the op was a forward I received from one of my redneck buds. He always has thought I'm right leaning or whatever. It sure as hell made me laugh

#10 lightsout

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Posted 20 December 2012 - 10:14 PM

I like how it says that the liberals are offended by the history, constitution, and flag of this country. Uh....the flag part makes no sense. The history part tends to agree with the more left-leaning. The constitution SERIOUSLY sides against the Christian-right on the topic of this being a "christian nation".

Basically, if this is serious, it's fuging stupid. If it's not, it's pretty damn funny.

#11 I Mean He Was Found Guilty

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 08:33 AM

oh yeah we'll just secede and let you libs cannibalize each other in the dark

signed,

red stater who consumes $1.50 in federal funds for every dollar paid out

#12 GAme

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 08:41 AM

I wish we could do it

#13 Brokenbad

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 08:48 AM

Doesn't John Wall play for the Wizards?

#14 Davis83

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 10:05 PM

I'd almost say they can have the majority of the land mass - we only need some select states. I for one can do without access to the Pacific and can fly if I really want to visit Canada.

#15 mav1234

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Posted 21 December 2012 - 10:08 PM

Doesn't John Wall play for the Wizards?


What's important is if he's an American.


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