"Backup offensive lineman. He's the guy who follows the rest of them around with a notepad and a tiny camera. You'll note the bruises he's got on his face and upper body, for the years of constant ugly jokes he's made about them..."
I actually told him linebacker (that was my high school spot).
Used to work with a guy who it would have been generous to list at 5'2, 155. He was friends with a player (forget who) and one night while hanging out with him, a couple of girls they met at a nightclub assumed he was a player too. When they asked him what position, he told them he was the backup punter.