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I Need Huddle Relationship Advice


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#1 CarolinaNCSU

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:10 PM

Let me preface this by saying I worry, past trust issues, or whatever it may be, causes me to worry. Sometimes causes me to do dumb things.

Anyway, this morning after a great date night with the girlfriend. she was still asleep and I went through her phone. Obviously not good on my part, and I get that. But what I found was a lot of texts to a guy she knows I hate, and one that she hooked up with/he wants to date her. He's the typical douche college baseball player. These texts from him were everything from how much better he is than me, how hot/perfect she is, sexual things, yada yada. In all fairness, her responses were tame, she never said much and did tell him to stop at one point. But these texts continued for a couple of weeks.

Well I decided it would be better for me to just call her out on it this morning and did...she obviously got pissed that I went through her phone, but not much was said about the texts except that he was drunk when he sent most of them, she loves me and only me, blah blah. Essentially, she's still mad at me and I'm still confused by the texts. They go to school together/party together too to make things worse, while I live an hour away from her. When she left, she was clearly still mad/hurt because the trust wasn't there, but I seemingly had reason to be worried, and some of those worries were backed up.

Basically Huddle, what to do here? Were we both wrong? Am I overreacting? Advice? Thanks.

#2 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:15 PM

Yeah, you shouldn't have gone thru her phone #1, but I think you've figured that out.

Best thing in my opinion is to apologize to her for doing that, and admit it was wrong, then drop it.

You said yourself her responses to him were tame... she may or may not get a thrill out of him flirting with her, which is natural... but dude, she's with you.

If you were married, I'd say there were more issues... but you're just dating. Let it go and see what happens, if you continue to harp on her about this guy, you could drive her right to him.

#3 mmmbeans

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:21 PM

either you have to trust her or you have to leave. pretty easy to figure out, pretty hard to do.

#4 pantherclaw

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:26 PM

Definitely apologize.
If you can't trust her, then there will be no relationship cause she'll leave you over the trust issues.

Sounds to me like you can trust her. So you will need to take that leap of faith, or move on with your life.

#5 CarolinaNCSU

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:28 PM

Yeah, I was actually more concerned with the Snapchats (pictures you send that only stay for a few seconds) sent since I obviously can't see those and don't know if they were sexual in nature. But he had nearly as many sent to him as I did, so it was just weird.

biscuit, good point on she's with me. We broke up last September before getting back together around Thanksgiving, and she went through a phase where she was basically a drunk party girl who had a couple of one night stands, one with this guy, so I just worry about him knowing his feelings and that they party together/hang out. I do trust her, I just don't trust the people she's friends with/alcohol when it gets involved.

I apologized a ton before she left, said it won't happen again, she told me she loved me and hopefully it's over. So we'll see. Thanks guys.

#6 Herbert The Love Bug

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:33 PM

If anybody invaded my privacy like that, I'm sending their ass to jail. That's a fuging felony. So dumb

#7 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:50 PM

You have opened Pandora's box now.

It's likely you are going to stew over this and one the slightest thing seems funny you are going to think she is up to something.
She now feels like you don't trust her. IMO she will either get over it or this will degrade her desire to maintain that trust "well if he expects me to be doing this then Im going to do it" etc.

Only winner in this is douchebag guy.

He is after your pussy and you knocked a hole in the wall of trust she should have up when it comes to his advances.



















ALLLLL That said the texting poo needs to stop.
I had similar.
Chased after a chick, we dated, we broke up, we got back together, found out she and her ex were texting all the time.
Bottom line was she loved the attention. That's why she didnt really want him to stop.


How is it she is partying with this person? What school/soroity/w.e is facilitating this ?

#8 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:52 PM

Also what was the timeframe of these texts ?

Are they recent or from around when you got back together.
That is very important.

#9 Harris Aballah

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:54 PM

Send her sister pictures of your crotch!!!!

#10 CarolinaNCSU

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:57 PM

Elon, she's in a sorority, he's a baseball player. But since last year, they've had mutual friends and got introduced that way and party together sometimes. The time they had sex was at one of his parties, and there will obviously be more where he will be drunk and make advances at her as he does now.

She just had "Winterterm" studying abroad the past 3 weeks in Hawaii. I only went back in the texts a couple of weeks, but they were as recent as a few days ago. When we decided to get back together, she told him that they weren't going to be together and he said he would back off, but he clearly hasn't. Even though she tells him to stop, they can only be friends, etc., the whole thing is just odd. She asked me this morning if I wanted her to stop talking to the dude, but I just stayed away from that question knowing she would do whatever she wanted anyway.

#11 Anybodyhome

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:57 PM

The first and best advice I can give to someone asking for relationship advice from the Huddle:

Pics or stfu.

#12 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

Elon, she's in a sorority, he's a baseball player. But since last year, they've had mutual friends and got introduced that way and party together sometimes. The time they had sex was at one of his parties, and there will obviously be more where he will be drunk and make advances at her as he does now.

She just had "Winterterm" studying abroad the past 3 weeks in Hawaii. I only went back in the texts a couple of weeks, but they were as recent as a few days ago. When we decided to get back together, she told him that they weren't going to be together and he said he would back off, but he clearly hasn't. Even though she tells him to stop, they can only be friends, etc., the whole thing is just odd. She asked me this morning if I wanted her to stop talking to the dude, but I just stayed away from that question knowing she would do whatever she wanted anyway.


/abuses admin/google/facebook skills.

Hummm

1) Nice job, if my research is correct ;) SM?

2) I fuging hate baseball players, they were like locust when I was at UNCW.


You have put yourself in a very awkward spot.
You have information to cut this guy out of the picture, but you obtained it in a shitty way.
That takes power away from you.

If it comes up, and she asks you again, I would try something along the lines of.

"Again I shouldn't have violated your trust looking through your phone, but in a way I am glad I did. It's healthy to be reminded how awesome of a girl you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life. I can't blame the guy for his advances, you are worth the risk that's for sure.

I would NEVER tell you who to or not to talk to, but I will say this. Would you want me to have the same level of contact with a girl that was interested in me? I was in the wrong, so you set the line that is acceptable and I will trust you.

In a relationship we have to decide every day to be with each other and to trust each other over this hour distance. We go to parties and choose to come back to each other instead of some random. fuging some random girl is easy, but I would rather go to bed alone at night thinking of you that knowing I will see you in a couple days, than some random hook up and I believe you feel the same way.."

Or some such bullshit.
Keep a backup list of girls that are interested in you...
You are 22. You seem to worry about poo like I used to.
It's not worth it.



Honestly Mrs. Pantherfan is a better source of info.
I will now add you on facebook b/c its creepy.

#13 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:18 PM

Also that poo is so played out. fuging dudes and their dicks wanting chicks for the fact some other dude out did them.

I can't count the times I used the "I could work soo much better with you than that dude does" bullshit and chicks would start believing it.

That BB guy probably has his pick of the litter at his school, only reason he is after your chick is she told him no.

In one scenario her responses that were tame are likely a sign he hasn't been able to touch her since yall got back together. Is he had nailed it again his conquest would be complete and he wouldn't give a poo anymore.

#14 CarolinaNCSU

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:30 PM

Good points, and thanks Kurb.

And yeah, SM is the girlfriend...Facebook stalk away if you must. Anddddd there's the wall post.


Thanks again.

#15 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 01:33 PM

Good points, and thanks Kurb.

And yeah, SM is the girlfriend...Facebook stalk away if you must. Anddddd there's the wall post.


Thanks again.


If you can see a person, you can better understand a person.
/creep


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