I Need Huddle Relationship Advice
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:10 PM
Anyway, this morning after a great date night with the girlfriend. she was still asleep and I went through her phone. Obviously not good on my part, and I get that. But what I found was a lot of texts to a guy she knows I hate, and one that she hooked up with/he wants to date her. He's the typical douche college baseball player. These texts from him were everything from how much better he is than me, how hot/perfect she is, sexual things, yada yada. In all fairness, her responses were tame, she never said much and did tell him to stop at one point. But these texts continued for a couple of weeks.
Well I decided it would be better for me to just call her out on it this morning and did...she obviously got pissed that I went through her phone, but not much was said about the texts except that he was drunk when he sent most of them, she loves me and only me, blah blah. Essentially, she's still mad at me and I'm still confused by the texts. They go to school together/party together too to make things worse, while I live an hour away from her. When she left, she was clearly still mad/hurt because the trust wasn't there, but I seemingly had reason to be worried, and some of those worries were backed up.
Basically Huddle, what to do here? Were we both wrong? Am I overreacting? Advice? Thanks.
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:15 PM
Best thing in my opinion is to apologize to her for doing that, and admit it was wrong, then drop it.
You said yourself her responses to him were tame... she may or may not get a thrill out of him flirting with her, which is natural... but dude, she's with you.
If you were married, I'd say there were more issues... but you're just dating. Let it go and see what happens, if you continue to harp on her about this guy, you could drive her right to him.
- The_Light_Brigade PIE'd this
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:26 PM
If you can't trust her, then there will be no relationship cause she'll leave you over the trust issues.
Sounds to me like you can trust her. So you will need to take that leap of faith, or move on with your life.
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:28 PM
biscuit, good point on she's with me. We broke up last September before getting back together around Thanksgiving, and she went through a phase where she was basically a drunk party girl who had a couple of one night stands, one with this guy, so I just worry about him knowing his feelings and that they party together/hang out. I do trust her, I just don't trust the people she's friends with/alcohol when it gets involved.
I apologized a ton before she left, said it won't happen again, she told me she loved me and hopefully it's over. So we'll see. Thanks guys.
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:33 PM
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:50 PM
It's likely you are going to stew over this and one the slightest thing seems funny you are going to think she is up to something.
She now feels like you don't trust her. IMO she will either get over it or this will degrade her desire to maintain that trust "well if he expects me to be doing this then Im going to do it" etc.
Only winner in this is douchebag guy.
He is after your pussy and you knocked a hole in the wall of trust she should have up when it comes to his advances.
ALLLLL That said the texting poo needs to stop.
I had similar.
Chased after a chick, we dated, we broke up, we got back together, found out she and her ex were texting all the time.
Bottom line was she loved the attention. That's why she didnt really want him to stop.
How is it she is partying with this person? What school/soroity/w.e is facilitating this ?
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:52 PM
Are they recent or from around when you got back together.
That is very important.
Posted 23 January 2013 - 12:57 PM
She just had "Winterterm" studying abroad the past 3 weeks in Hawaii. I only went back in the texts a couple of weeks, but they were as recent as a few days ago. When we decided to get back together, she told him that they weren't going to be together and he said he would back off, but he clearly hasn't. Even though she tells him to stop, they can only be friends, etc., the whole thing is just odd. She asked me this morning if I wanted her to stop talking to the dude, but I just stayed away from that question knowing she would do whatever she wanted anyway.
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