The ability of Fathers and Sons to have a conversation...
Posted 28 January 2013 - 10:55 AM
I really have nothing to complain about. Shortly after I was born my dad became disabled (was cleaning a chemical tank at his job, etc). While some days he was fine, others he wouldn't be, so it was hard for him to work. My dad was a salesman, and if you ever met him, you would probably believe he was an amazing one at that. So I think he missed working, a lot. However, instead of getting down on himself and whining, he basically became a stay at home dad. My older brother and I NEVER missed a sports practice, we always had a meal on the table when we got home from school, and dad kept the house mostly spotless.
I'm so close to father, I can't imagine what it'll be like when he passes, to me, that's the scariest thought I ever have. Whenever we're together, we can talk for hours about just nonsense, as my wife and my mom just roll their eyes, haha. Over the years I've gotten some great advice, and my parents have always been there for me. But I think most of all, my father showed me how to be a real man, how to treat people, and to always do the right thing by doing it himself, and that always means more than just words.
People always say they want to give their kids more than they had, well, for me, if I reach my parents level when I have children I'll be satisfied.
Posted 28 January 2013 - 11:01 AM
Posted 28 January 2013 - 02:10 PM
but in my late 20's that changed. I am only 32 now but I have talked to my dad more in the last 3 years than all the other years combined.
I do have your fear that I could be like that with my son.
Posted 29 January 2013 - 05:41 PM
Apparently I don't have this ability, or he doesn't, or some combination of the two.
I honestly feel like I am talking to some alien person when we try and have a serious conversation.
Does anyone else have this issue ? Or am I just especially fuged up? (yeah yeah)
I tried almost my entire life to make my Father proud of me. (Never happened.)
He never understood me, of course it would have helped, if he was around and not in meetings all the time.
He was disgusted that I played with dolls as a kid. (GI Joes)
That I would go to work for a company (I was an engineer with IBM) that wasn't union.
That I wasn't humping everything in a skirt. (There's no such thing as a bad piece of @**.) Maybe that was the reason he related better to my ssiter?
How come I called "Collect" after Hugo hit. (I had no power, phone, nothing. I called to get a care package sent to me (Batteries/candles.) And how I was going to pay him back!)
He was pissed that I called again from Saudi Arabia for another care package. (For Gold Bond Powder!)
Both times, my Mom put together a care package and mailed it to me. (And Yes, I paid her/them back.)
I always credited my Mom with raising me. I used to say that "My Mom raised me to be a man withoug being a Moma's boy."
Posted 30 January 2013 - 03:11 PM
It wasn't until I straightened my life up and left the drugs behind that we were able to start tearing down the walls we built between us through all those years. That's a long process but we did manage to get a bit closer in the few years between me straightening up and him dying of cancer. That's not to say we were close, though, and I'm not sure we ever would have been truly close. But being able to carry on a conversation with him after 20 years of not really being able to speak without arguing and butting heads was a nice change. I don't actually think he ever told me he loved me or that he was proud of me (though he never really got the chance on that one) and I think the first time as an adult that I told him I loved him was immediately following his death. So there's that.
I thank him greatly for not enabling me during all those years of experimentation and irresponsibility, and he gave me a great opportunity to take over the business he started two years prior to his death and that has been an incredible boost of stability for myself, my wife and my 19-month old daughter. Several other things he did to truly help me I won't get into here, but he definitely did all he could to help me overcome the difficulties of establishing a new life after tearing my old one down.
It's too bad I couldn't share that last paragraph with him while he was still alive.