I need advice- please no BS comments.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:12 AM
My stepdad was an asshole, a HUGE douchebag. He would get extremely angry about mundane poo and take it out on me. I saw my mom lie to him all the time so that he wouldn't get mad about poo. I learned to lie all the time. I lied about everything, to avoid upsetting anyone. It turned me into a pathological liar, I had a complete bullshit life story for people until I was in my mid twenties. My friends didn't even know who or what I really was, or what I had actually done in my past. It was a behavior that was extremely hard to break - I still struggle.
You need to figure out why he's lying, and fix it. It WILL fug his life up if he continues the behavior.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:13 AM
Posted 07 February 2013 - 09:21 AM
And remember....the middle school/jr high years are the devil for any kid.
True, middle school more than HS in my experience (personal and as a father)
Posted 07 February 2013 - 10:07 AM
Where's his mother now? Does she have any type of interaction with him?
It could be he feels that she up and abandoned him so why should he give a sh*t about anything or anyone....they're just going to up and leave him the minute he does start to care so why bother. He's angry..which in all honesty is completely understandable
What's the relationship like between him and your wife?
Can you get him to any type of therapy? He needs to talk to somebody ...I am a huge supporter of it, I've used it in the past and it's worked wonders for me.
My neice and nephew have their mother in their lives she has just not made good decisions that have affected them in a big way. If they're angry at her for bad decisions but still being around, I can't imagine how he must feel.
Posted 07 February 2013 - 01:23 PM
What is money like around your house?
What is he good at/enjoy doing?
How is your relationship with your wife?
If it were me, I would find something....anything that you share in common. He probably feels like the 5th wheel...which he is.
Cars, maybe he likes them. Try to work with him to raise money or pay for it yourself that will be his when he is 16, but make it need lots of work. Spend time with him working on that car that will one day be his. Only you two, no females.
Can you fish, if so teach him. Can you camp, if so teach him. The reason I ask about the wife and you, is that you will need time away from her and your girls to help this young man out.
If you can't come up with a hobby (golf, canoeing, boating, etc.) then every week go do something like trivia night at BDubs with him. Do not take the ladies. Do it every week, no exceptions.
This is going to hurt a little, but he may not respect you. My Dad was/is blue collar, and I knew that I didn't want to be, I didn't respect it when he told me to work harder in school...what did he know....he was blue collar. If that is the case make sure that he knows that you think and expect him to be "better" than you. Not to "settle" for what you have. I am in no way knocking you at all with this paragraph, just giving you some insight into my mind when I was younger. I now have a very strong relationship with my Father, and realize that he chose to do that work so he could make his own schedules, and he never missed a single ball game, practice, surf trip, or scouting outing.
Good Luck, you are a good man for doing this.