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Now that DOMA has been struck down I'm really thinking of getting into beastiality.  Anyone got some tips for a newbie?

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Now that DOMA has been struck down I'm really thinking of getting into beastiality. Anyone got some tips for a newbie?

Tips for Beastiality newbies:

Is it considered bestiality if I just like to watch?

Yes. Voyeurism is the next best thing to doing it. And a great way to learn how it's done. In all forms of carnal knowledge, observation leads to experimentation. I think it's unrealistic to suppose that you'll never get up the nerve to join in. Monkey see monkey do.

I know I want to do it with an animal, but how do I get an animal to do it with me? They seem so unapproachable.

This has to be the most common misconception when it comes to dating animals. Just because the donkey doesn't throw its hooves in the air doesn't mean it doesn't want to. Animals are more subtle than people think. Yet subtle opening lines will get you nowhere. Opening lines rarely work when dating two-legged creatures. With four-legged friends you have to get right to the point, without being crass, and without a word. Much the same way you befriend an animal, you seduce it. You hold out your hand. You caress its fur. First and foremost you make friends, because otherwise the donkey will throw its legs in the air before you know what hit you. Right in the teeth.

Is it against the law?

That depends on where you're from. The laws are actually on the books in most countries, but rarely are people prosecuted for the offense. In some corners of the world the practice is traditional, leaving the law to either look the other way or crack down. There isn't much risk of being caught with your pants up as long as you keep your mouth shut. The animals can't even talk amongst themselves.

Can the animal get pregnant?

Another common misconception. Short of cloning, there is no way to breed human with animal, though I've at times seen specimens of humanity who really and truly begged the question.

Can I get a sexually transmitted disease?

You certainly can. Many of the STD's we now hold dear originated with cross-species copulation. So play safe and you have nothing to fear besides the occasional crushed appendage. "Safe" is maybe not the word. We consider protected bestiality "safer" sex, for obvious reasons. Make sure the condom is strong enough. Sex with animals can be especially abrasive, as you've no doubt experienced. Beyond that, it is advisable to wash thoroughly after any act of bestiality, no matter how tame, as a host of minor contagions and infestations can be transferred through intimate contact. Flees are rampant.

Do the animals enjoy it?

That all depends. Are you any good? When it comes to making love, there are better and worse lovers. If all you do is stick it in, sex with any species, including your own, is rather like surgery. Even when it comes to surgery, there are better and worse veterinarians. With a little finesse insemination can be raised to an art form. Don't be afraid to experiment. Try new things. And do your homework. Read up on the species you're dating. Find out what turns them on. Dogs and cats have decidedly different erogenous zones. I understand that birds like to have their beaks tweaked. Horses are into leather. Cows eat during sex. Don't be insulted if what turns your lover on doesn't necessarily turn you on. There are no perfect matches out there. Certainly not when crossing the species line.

What's the difference between fuging farm animals and wild beasts?

Everything. If you thought the cow in your barn was a trifle bitchy during milking, you should try squeezing a rhino.

Is my desire a psychological condition or is it genetic?

Studies have shown that in nine out of ten cases bestiality is a family affair, the tendency passed down from father to son. But keep in mind that these studies were carried out in rural regions where members of the opposite sex can be hard to find and farmers are isolated with whole barns of sexy beasts to pick and choose from. Hard to say which came first, the chicken or the eggman. It probably comes down to the usual mixture of nature and nurture. My guess is that we all have the potential for some sort of bestial behavior, even if just the usual grunting and ass-sniffing during sex with humans, the unseemly cuddling with house pets. This rarely leads to full-blown bestiality. However, once the tendency is developed... I think it's safe to say that once you've tried goat cheese, the plain old cow stuff seems rather bland.

When is cuddling considered intimate relations?

If a line is to be drawn, it would be right at the point where you find yourself aroused, sexually. Ask yourself this: When the family dog rubs against your crotch, do you get an erection? When you wake up in the morning to find the family dog licking your erection do you: a) push the head away in disgust, b) push the head further down on it.

What constitutes consensual sex with animals? When is it considered rape?

Rape is rape. Whatever the age and/or species of the victim, rape is a rather one-sided affair, an act of violence more than anything else, whereby only the one on top gets any pleasure, if that's what that is, while the one on the bottom can only grit their teeth and bear it, praying not to be hacked into goulash when it's over. Even in bestiality, persuasion is preferable to force. A few sugar cubes will go a long way in saddling up. If you just strap it on, the mare has no chance to relax and enjoy the ride. Children are easily persuaded to hop on (ice cream we all scream), but this we consider child abuse between humans and I dare say molesting babies of any species is pushing the limits of decency. Yes, the binobo monkeys do it with their kids... but they're monkeys. Try to remember, you're human. There is obviously no age of consent with animals, so it's up to you to draw the line between the sheep and little lamb, pig and piglet. Beyond that, I think one can safely say that between two consenting adults it comes down to a question of choice.

Am I sick for simply desiring sex with animals, or could this be the beginnings of an alternative lifestyle?

Let's be clear. Desiring sex is one step down the road to having sex. We'll assume you've already had it. There is nothing intrinsically sick about having sex with animals. Animals are animals too. They enjoy a good fug now and then much the same as you or I. The main thing is for you to first accept yourself for who you are. But make no bones about it, this is an extremely alternative lifestyle. It is highly unlikely that you will ever be able to live in the open with your beast of choice. Unless it happens to be a house pet, and even then you'll have to keep it behind closed doors.

I would like to come out, tell the world that I am what I am. I've never actually done it with an animal, but everyone on the farm thinks I have, just because I sleep in the barn. What's more important, saving face or being true to yourself?

Again, accept yourself for who you are. But when it comes to bestiality, best to keep a low profile. People may suspect. There's no fighting gossip. When they see you riding your horse they may indeed whisper. But as long as you keep it between you and your horse, you can both hold your heads high. If you really must sleep in the barn, come up with a good excuse. The doctor said breathing dung is good for my asthma, or some poo like that. Whatever you do, don't ever admit it. Even if it's obvious to everyone what a beast you are, as long as you don't open your mouth, they can't prove it. Even if you wake up with milk in your ears, the cow will never kiss and tell.

How do I tell the people I love that I also love animals?

Don't. They will never understand.

Do animals believe in God?

As far as I know, beasts of the wild have no political, ethical, or religious persuasion. They just like to eat, poo, and fug. But I did once meet an elephant dressed as a republican and a democrat dressed as an ass.

Will I go to hell for this?

No. Just the trough.

There's a name for what I do. Is there a name for what I am?

Not yet. Though your sexuality has been practiced since the beginning of time, no society of practitioners has ever openly congregated. It may be a lifestyle, but no movement has come together to claim it as such or to fight for your rights as a... as a... Bestiality really does need to organize, if for no other reason than to finally create a name for people like you. Beast lovers, perhaps. Or just, beasts. For something more euphemistic, you could take the cue from the cross dressers. Cross Species? Or Trans Species. No, that would make you a TS, and you're certainly not a transsexual just because you sometimes wear women's clothing while fuging the goat. Unless you actually want to become a woman, you're just a drag queen into bestiality. Never mind. It could get confusing if you start to cross sexualities. Best to leave it as Cross Species. You are a CS. If you find other CS's (try google under farm+sex) you could get the movement started. But personally, I think species liberation will not happen in my lifetime.

Does it matter if the animal is male or female?

It most certainly does. Homosexuality of any kind is sick sick sick.

I know that I like animals, but I also like humans. Am I multisexual?

You are what you are. Hard to categorize. There are those who keep a normal sex life going on the side, just to keep up appearances. And there are those who genuinely desire both human and animal relations. Either way they find themselves leading a double life, figuring as long as the girlfriend doesn't smell the pig, she won't get jealous.

Is it wrong to eat meat if you truly love animals?

Right and wrong are a matter of taste. But if it disgusts you to eat the meat of the one you love, stick with the cheese.

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all that was keeping me from having sex with every animal, and hell, a whole ton of inanimate objects, was the government protecting the sanctity of marriage as dictated by my local sky genie.  sky genie rules are now unenforced and I don't know how to conduct myself so I might as well just fug everything I see, right?

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I asked someone that and they either: 1) reject that people are born that way, 2) say that God provides different challenges for different people, and it is up to the individual to overcome them.


Note that I find both answers to be bullshit, but there you go.


I think that most will reject that people are born that way.


And, those who believe it is a choice have not really gotten to know any homosexual people.  It is NOT a choice.....I don't understand it, but I damn sure believe that it is NOT a choice.


Why would anyone "choose" to be anything that would cause them to be persecuted the way that gays have been (and still are)?

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I think that most will reject that people are born that way.

And, those who believe it is a choice have not really gotten to know any homosexual people. It is NOT a choice.....I don't understand it, but I damn sure believe that it is NOT a choice.

Why would anyone "choose" to be anything that would cause them to be persecuted the way that gays have been (and still are)?

i think it's funny how many people come to conclusions about how other people came to be what they are without ever getting to know them.

Christianity is especially bad about this because many of them do not believe god would create gay people and if they are gay there is an outside reason behind it other then being born that way.

I personally chose not to wonder why god created them that way, but accept that he did so and will treat them just like my fellow man because of that. I've said this before, I believe god is a lot more understanding then Christians try to make him out to be.

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I never really understood this tack. gay marriage means more marriages not less - is the guy saying that since gay guys can marry each other, they won't be forced to marry women instead so there's less kids or something?

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An openly gay lawmaker was silenced by colleagues on the Pennsylvania House floor Thursday when he attempted to speak about the Supreme Court's decision to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act.

State Rep. Brian Sims (D-Philadelphia) took to the House floor on Thursday to discuss the high court's landmark ruling, which found the federal law barring the government from recognizing same-sex marriages legalized by states to be unconstitutional. However, as WHYY News and Philly.com report, Sims' remarks were blocked by several state lawmakers using a procedural maneuver.


One of those lawmakers, conservative state Rep. Daryl Metcalfe (R-Butler), told WHYY that he believed Sims' comments would be a violation of "God's law."

"I did not believe that as a member of that body that I should allow someone to make comments such as he was preparing to make that ultimately were just open rebellion against what the word of God has said, what God has said, and just open rebellion against God's law," Metcalfe said.




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