Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

questions on child-rearing

47 posts in this topic

Posted

^its just too heartbreaking.  It took years to even convince him that it was not okay for other kids to take things from him.  He would just stare at them, and wait. Broke my heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Bad parenting, maybe maybe not.

 

I never said to do anything other than what was being done to him. All in the context that it is okay to defend yourself.  The same lesson I was taught from the earliest age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

defending yourself i don't think is the right term here. he is 5 and the other kid pretty young too. this is where parenting comes in. instead of teaching defend, teach share or teamwork.

 

kids by and large want the shiny thing the other kid has. a kid could have 100 toys but sees one he doesn't have and wants it. thats called being a kid.

 

whenever my girls were little and we were out i would always make sure im watching what unfolds with another kid. if i sense its about to go south i would make sure they heard my voice. this also sends a message to the other kid and their parents im aware. by taking the lead the other parent, usually, realizes they might also be needing to pay attention to keep things from escalating.

 

thats called redirecting. if i see my kid holding a toy and i can tell the other kid wants it i would just walk up to my kid and say do you want to share with your new friend? then i ask the other kid do you want to play with my kid? this difuses everything and keeps me the dad in control of the moment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Absolutely, that is exactly what we do.  We interject, or redirect w/e you want to call it.  We took GREAT care to teach him the merits of sharing and such.  He is a great sharer and really is an all around great soul of a child.  Unfortunately, he is constantly taken advantage of.  If anything, we may have interfered so much that we prevented him from building up a natural social relationship where he is able to assert hisself.  That is my greatest fear for him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

all is not lost man. just stay with it and don't over think what you are doing. there will be times you may need to sit back and see how he haggles. let him fall from time to time and he will learn.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

make no mistake, I will never give up  on him. I am sure he will be fine. Stuff like this bothers me WAAAAYYY more than it bothers him. But he just reacts soo different from other kids.  I mean, when your kids were 5 and another kid snatched something, or jostled them out of line or struck them, I am sure they either retaliated or came and told their parents crying.  My son did neither, until he was old enough to understand what we were saying, then he would only do things like take back a toy that is taken from him. Curious behavior

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

best advice i can give is find some friends who have kids a couple of years older than yours and you like how those kids are turning out so far. hang with them as much as you can and observe and absorb all you can.

 

trust me. all new parents OVER analyze everything kid related. the second kid cures you of that real fast. lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Only excuse would be if the spitter was a special needs kid. Either way the parents should have taken action.

I'd explain to your 5 old that is exactly the case, the kid was wrong, the parent should have acted and good job not going ballistic.

He'll have plenty opportunity later in life for drunken bar fights.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

i don't have much to offer here other than shared angst in knowing i'm going to have to figure these things out in a few years

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

lol at all the comments. My son is a complete pacifist. Absolutely refuses to even consider violence in any situation. That is likely why he is CONSTANTLY BULLIED!. So fug you all. I could give a poo less if you feel that I should teach my son nonviolence.

Said the guy who started the thread asking for parenting advice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Why take a toy to a McDonald's playground in the first place? Was it just the happy meal toy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I don't think punching a kid in the mouth especially as that age is the solution. Your child can easily walk away and get an adult. Until your kid can reason out situations better I don't think face punches are recommended. (Talk about escalation, face punches are pretty damn extreme especially in retaliation for spitting)

I watched a 13is year old at the beach yell at his grandma because he wanted to stay at the beach. Then he started punching her. It was in front of several 20 year old guys and some delivery guys. No one said a word. I got in between the kid and her and said we don't punch people that's unacceptable. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy for stepping in. I should have called resort security. I'm kicking myself for not doing more. But that is a good example of why Charles Ramsey is a hero.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites