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questions on child-rearing


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#1 carpantherfan84

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 07:27 PM

So my son was at a Mcdonalds with his mother my wife.  In the midst of the playing my wife noticed my son trying to retrieve his toy from a slightly older and taller boy.  My son snatched the toy back telling the kid no.  The boy proceeded to SPIT on my child!. Along with another child about 2 years old.  My son does not spit on other kids and proceeded to kindof sit back and not retaliate. He backed up into a corner. My wife of course yells out to tell the kids to stop.  The parents of the older boy said nothing. The mother of the younger girl softly and unenthusiastically told her to stop.  My wife called him over and per my instructions when my son is being bullied she told him that if it happens again, he is to punch the kids in the mouth.  My son of course has never and i'm sure has no intention of ever striking another human being. (other than me, the kid hits a ton)

 

So my question is what parent on here would not instantly and deliberately punish a child for spitting.  I couldn't believe that behaviour would go unpunished. I bet they wouldn't like it if my son had actually gave the little 7 year old a busted lip.  Even the little 2 year old girl. My son is 5. I dont like bullies. period.



#2 Panthro

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 07:42 PM

Punch a kid in the mouth. Sounds like a couple parents need some advice

#3 Zod

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 07:46 PM

Oh it's just beginning. You have no idea the depths of the idiot parent pools.

#4 carpantherfan84

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 07:54 PM

lol



#5 Mvp2014

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:10 PM

Teach him not to be a pussy like his old man. Lol

#6 Floppin

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:32 PM

Am I the only one that thinks all the parents in this story suck?



#7 pstall

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:38 PM

5 he needs mom and dad 24/7.

 

he isn't a video game.



#8 Frash Brastard

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:39 PM

kids pretty much inherit bad or good behavior from their parents

#9 carpantherfan84

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:50 PM

lol at all the comments. My son is a complete pacifist. Absolutely refuses to even consider violence in any situation. That is likely why he is CONSTANTLY BULLIED!.  So fug you all. I could give a poo less if you feel that I should teach my son nonviolence.  Im just tired of other kids being such little devils.  But he has to learn to stick up for hisself. While he is young and unable to hurt or really be hurt by any kids his age, he should learn the idea of standing up for hisself. If you dont agree with that than you truly are full of poo.



#10 carpantherfan84

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:58 PM

Furthermore, my wife and I dont believe in spankings. There is no violence in our home. He doesn't watch adult television so he really has no concept of violence and at 5 is likely completely terrified of the idea of being hit. He is basically outmatched on the playground when bullied.  Combine that with a kind heart and a beautiful soul. If it was your kid what would you tell them.

 

"dont worry little johnny, the spit cant hurt you"

 

"run and tell their parents, cause they are acting naughty"

 

w/e,



#11 pstall

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 08:58 PM

bullied at 5? sorry pal but you are over reacting. if he were 15 then we are having a totally dif conversation.

 

the reason some parents don't blow their kid in a moment like that is some  jack leg will call DSS on them. see how that works?

 

at that age they see your response as cues on it being a big deal or not. they might be able to talk to process what went down and apply the right way next time is hard. see parenting 24/7.

 

as for the other parents, you have to indirectly communicate to them whats going on. if it were me i would say to my son but loud enough for the other parent to hear, hey pstall jr? remember what we said about spitting on someone? its not good is it? then he shakes his head no. the other parent sees that.

 

redirect is your best tool under 9. redirect your kid and maybe at times your wife. or even yourself. that reinforces how to navigate thru a tough scenario.

 

*the following advice was free of charge and will assure your kid better results than yelling stop or don't do that.



#12 Panthro

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 09:01 PM

Your son is a pacifist so stop trying to make him something he not... self defense is different than the bad parenting you are teaching your kid

#13 carpantherfan84

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 09:02 PM

^its just too heartbreaking.  It took years to even convince him that it was not okay for other kids to take things from him.  He would just stare at them, and wait. Broke my heart.



#14 carpantherfan84

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 09:04 PM

Bad parenting, maybe maybe not.

 

I never said to do anything other than what was being done to him. All in the context that it is okay to defend yourself.  The same lesson I was taught from the earliest age.



#15 pstall

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Posted 28 June 2013 - 09:14 PM

defending yourself i don't think is the right term here. he is 5 and the other kid pretty young too. this is where parenting comes in. instead of teaching defend, teach share or teamwork.

 

kids by and large want the shiny thing the other kid has. a kid could have 100 toys but sees one he doesn't have and wants it. thats called being a kid.

 

whenever my girls were little and we were out i would always make sure im watching what unfolds with another kid. if i sense its about to go south i would make sure they heard my voice. this also sends a message to the other kid and their parents im aware. by taking the lead the other parent, usually, realizes they might also be needing to pay attention to keep things from escalating.

 

thats called redirecting. if i see my kid holding a toy and i can tell the other kid wants it i would just walk up to my kid and say do you want to share with your new friend? then i ask the other kid do you want to play with my kid? this difuses everything and keeps me the dad in control of the moment.




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