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questions on child-rearing


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#25 Zod

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 06:27 AM

Teaching a kid that violence will resolve an issue is a bad idea. You are using adult logic as to what is worth a punch. If you haven't noticed, a 5 year old has very different opinions on things that are important.



#26 Cat

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 06:29 AM

Absolutely, that is exactly what we do. We interject, or redirect w/e you want to call it. We took GREAT care to teach him the merits of sharing and such. He is a great sharer and really is an all around great soul of a child. Unfortunately, he is constantly taken advantage of. If anything, we may have interfered so much that we prevented him from building up a natural social relationship where he is able to assert hisself. That is my greatest fear for him.


Yes that will happen if you value those things and teach them to him. My kid was taught not to jump in lines so guess what happens to him at the park....he gets jumped in line by all the kids who's parents didn't teach them that. Figure out what you value and instruct accordingly. Sometimes it takes time to actually figure out what really comes first.

#27 Zod

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 06:32 AM

I would have shamed the parents. Nothing like shaming a parent in front of their kid, kind of makes the parent not want to go through that again.

 

Our society needs more judging and shaming. Every behavior is not ok.



#28 stirs

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:05 AM

i don't have much to offer here other than shared angst in knowing i'm going to have to figure these things out in a few years


The only honest answer so far

#29 Zod

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:10 AM

The only honest answer so far


Lol uh, yeah?

#30 stirs

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:24 AM

You guys write some books after you have raised kids. Just becuase you now have a newborn, does not mean you totally understand parenting or all kids. No child is like another child and you don't get a set of microwave instructions that work for every one.

And you that don't have kids but are giving advice, go back to bed.

#31 Cat

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:27 AM

Good thing u do.

I would have told my kid to shoot him in the face for spitting on him. Don't judge my parenting, u don't know my kid, all kids are different.

#32 Zod

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:30 AM

You guys write some books after you have raised kids. Just becuase you now have a newborn, does not mean you totally understand parenting or all kids. No child is like another child and you don't get a set of microwave instructions that work for every one.

And you that don't have kids but are giving advice, go back to bed.

 

I have twin 10 year olds too nimrod. I have every right to give an opinion on what to do with a 5 year old. The guy started a thread asking for opinions, I gave one because I went through it, twice.



#33 Happy Panther

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:50 AM

When my oldest (somewhat of a pacifist) was 6 or 7 he had a seatmate on the bus who was too physical. He would pinch him in the back everyday. I asked my son if he wanted to try to handle it himself and surprisingly he said yes. So we coached him on the right way to handle it. He asked the kid politely to stop. The next day he explained that he didn't like it and asked more sternly. Third day he said very sternly to stop.

 

Anyway the kid kept messing with him and we simply had him moved to sit with someone else. The new kid became his best friend.

 

Even though the "bully" didn't stop our kid learned a lot by trying to handle it by himself. Never did we consider retaliation.

 

Not sure if we are good parents but our son seemed happy with the situation overall.



#34 Happy Panther

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 07:58 AM

I guess my philosophy is that you will not be around for the majority of these conflicts. Kids are pretty much on their own and all you can do is hopefully give them the tools and confidence to do the right thing.



#35 stirs

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 08:22 AM

I have twin 10 year olds too nimrod. I have every right to give an opinion on what to do with a 5 year old. The guy started a thread asking for opinions, I gave one because I went through it, twice.


My point being, nimrod or not, that his kid is not yours. You raised your guys and know them well. Quick advice on what YOU would do, might not work on his kid.

If you sternly tell a class full of kids the same thing, half of them will understand, the other half wont' be listening or will be daydreaming or talking to a friend or needing to pee.

All I am saying as that a clear set of instructions does not come with each kid.

I am also a bit amused that after visiting the Huddle, he would come here for advice. Maybe on which is the best lawn mower, yes, but how to raise a kid?

I will bet Zod, that your newborn will be totally different from your older guys.
All good, but your tact might have to change with the new one to achieve the same good results. Nobodys fault, just that you will see you have a whole new guy that takes instructions differently.

No offense,
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#36 Zod

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Posted 29 June 2013 - 08:39 AM

My point being, nimrod or not, that his kid is not yours. You raised your guys and know them well. Quick advice on what YOU would do, might not work on his kid.

If you sternly tell a class full of kids the same thing, half of them will understand, the other half wont' be listening or will be daydreaming or talking to a friend or needing to pee.

All I am saying as that a clear set of instructions does not come with each kid.

I am also a bit amused that after visiting the Huddle, he would come here for advice. Maybe on which is the best lawn mower, yes, but how to raise a kid?

I will bet Zod, that your newborn will be totally different from your older guys.
All good, but your tact might have to change with the new one to achieve the same good results. Nobodys fault, just that you will see you have a whole new guy that takes instructions differently.

No offense,
signed
Nimrod



Yes not all kids are the same.

But there are a general set of ideals and behaviors that ALL kids should be taught.

A few:


- don't bite/hit/kick others
- don't take what doesn't belong to you
- don't make fun of others

I feel like these are a pretty simple base line of behaviors that are extremely easy to instill in a child yet so many parents fail miserably.

It's almost as if today's societal incompetence extends also to parenting.