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Beware the Seahawks and Lime Green Barista Nation?


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#1 SCP

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:10 AM

*
A WHOLE PIE!

Well, it's hard to fear a bunch of depressed coffee making high school drop outs but I wll play your game. A steroid culture with an ADD head coach in a city made famous by Tom Hanks sending dirty email to a soccer mom is terrifying. However, I do want to take a moment to thank you for creating a music genre that helped me discover life existed outside of Hall & Oates. And, since most Seahawk fans are new to being Seahawk fans, I have inlcuded a link so you can get a geographical grasp on where the city is located http://www.mapquest.com. Oh, and noob Seahawk fans, apparently their defense is known as the "Boom of Gloom" or some bullshit. I am literally shaking in my Uggs with that self-given nickname so you guys should use that when you come in here to post smack. Most Seahawk fans that I know still have Tom Brady jerseys hanging in their mom's closet so hopefully this info is useful. I mean 9 playoff wins in 40+ years of existence, while it's the best of any NFL team in the Pacific Northwest, is kind of medicore in the grand scheme of things so "The more you know" can make a world of difference when talking smack to all of us hayseeds here in the Carolina's.

Since most of you idiot Seahawk fans that will apper out of the wood work are probably from North Carolina and South Carolina, I will spare you the history lesson of our great states and region. I mean Seattle plays in Idaho and let me tell you, I love some damn taters. So I will not cast stones at the Show Me State. Speaking of spuds, Robert Wilson is one hell of a QB that probably knows a thing or two about farming potatoes because he spent 5 years at NC State. Being 5'3" tall is perfect for potato farming because it lets him get an eye-to-eye view of the root. Not to mention, JR Sweezy was in the NC State under grad program on breeding sheep so between the two of them you guys should pretty much own BofA stadium Sunday.

I keep hearing about all of the talent you guys possess up there in that Portland suburb and it's scary. Robert Wilson III is a talent. Sherman and your DBs are fantastic. Bobby Wagner's mom has been on the main board bragging about how her son is far superior to Luke Kuechly. Your DEs are all roid-raging animals. Hell, we shouldn't even show up on Sunday because the game is already over. The 12th Woman has ripped off her bra and has slammed down the gauntlet on little old Panther Nation. "Ooooh We are loud!!!" is her cry. Whatever. Flourescent green isn't even a real football color. Not to mention you guys have changed uni schemes like 18 times in the last 6 years. fuging focus for once.

Look, I have a soft spot for you Oregon douchebags because, with a 7-9 record, you knocked the Saints out of the playoffs and I fuging hate the Saints. Saint fans are even more bandwagon than Seahwak fans and god knows there is no room for bandwagon fans. As for your team, you guys are irrelevent East of Boise so I am not trying to talk smack. I'm sure your flourescent green uni's have caught the eye of fashionites in NYC so bravo to being so bold with your uni du jour. I hope you guys have a great game and please don't beat us by 75 like most of you are predicting. And next time I pay $12 for a god damned Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte, please use soy milk instead of skim milk like I ordered. My lactose intolerance and society as a whole would appreciate your ability to follow orders.

Panthers 24
Seahawks 17

#2 Doyle

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:20 AM

Are you trying to tell me the grunge movement was better than Hall & Oates?



#3 SCP

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:21 AM

Are you trying to tell me the grunge movement was better than Hall & Oates?


Is Courtney Love a man eater?

#4 captfluoro

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:33 AM

l loved when grunge music was popular.  Nirvana's "Nevermind", Soundgarden's "Superunknown" and the first 3 Pearl Jam CDs are all great.  Reminds me of the early 90's.  Can't stand Starbucks though.  Overpriced burnt tasting coffee.



#5 Herbert The Love Bug

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:44 AM

I would like to thank them for the gift of Adam Morrison

#6 FattyFatFat

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:52 AM

Alice in Chains still blows my skirt up. The unplugged show still gives me chills.

#7 Jase

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 08:57 AM

robert wilson III, potato farmer?

 

I think you mean russet wilson III, potato farmer.



#8 captfluoro

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 09:01 AM

Alice in Chains still blows my skirt up. The unplugged show still gives me chills.

 

I can not believe I forgot AIC.  "Dirt" and "Alice in Chains" are also great.  I am humbled before you.



#9 Harris Aballah

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 10:07 AM

I can not believe I forgot AIC.  "Dirt" and "Alice in Chains" are also great.  I am humbled before you.

Watched a mad season show from 1995 last week. Loved it! But fug the seahawks and thier scummy dipped in bleach city!



#10 FattyFatFat

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 10:27 AM

Watched a mad season show from 1995 last week. Loved it! But fug the seahawks and thier scummy dipped in bleach city!


I watched it too. Fantastic!

#11 RelaxImaPro

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 02:40 PM

God I missed these.  Even if we lose I can still find a little bit of solace in these hilarious weekly writeups.

 

SCP man, you are the undisputed King of Smack.



#12 Hawk

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 10:35 PM

anyone who has anything bad to say about the city of Seattle has never been in the city of Seattle!!!

 

 



#13 RelaxImaPro

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 11:21 PM

anyone who has anything bad to say about the city of Seattle has never been in the city of Seattle!!!

 

Neither have Seahawk fans.



#14 Mother Grabber

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Posted 04 September 2013 - 01:59 AM

Seattle is Vancouver's bitch.

#15 SCP

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Posted 04 September 2013 - 07:23 AM

anyone who has anything bad to say about the city of Seattle has never been in the city of Seattle!!!


Hey, Oregon is a fine state.


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