I'm not entirely sure I follow all of what you're asking, PhillyB, but...
To me, a civilized society is one in which all parties are valued equally as citizens, regardless of material wealth, political and spiritual ideologies, gender, or race. The opinions of each citizen should carry equal weight in the decisions of the collective, and none of the aforementioned things are a consideration when assigning value to those opinions.
The problem with this concept, to me at least, is that people are selfish, greedy creatures who will never be able to put themselves aside and/or compromise to be a true part of civilization.
In my perfect world, the only things I would expect of the civilization would be:
1. Safety from those that would cause harm - foreign and domestic - economical and physical... This does not mean going out and provoking and creating enemies based on special interests or under the veil of "allied support"
2. Protection of the environment in which the civilization exists - Can't have a civilization without an environment - Focus on renewable resources and not finite ones
3. Equal and free/low cost education and training programs that enable all the citizens to be productive/contributing members of the society
4. A living wage, paired with a low cost of living - Basically wage equality
5. Low cost/free healthcare
6. Equal financial obligation to the society based on wage/wealth accumulation equality - There is no "burden" or poor class in a civilized society, and there are certainly none that hoard/receive disgusting amounts of wealth, either
7. Independence, with due process, in which one felt the civilization was no longer serving the previous expectations.