Posted 09 October 2013 - 06:35 PM
A WHOLE PIE!
OK, so my boys go out to the desert and lay an embarrassing egg and all of a sudden poo has hit the fan again in the Queen City. Nobody cares but us, so fug it. Time to move on. Up next for the Fightin' Rivera's are the purple drag queens known as the Vikings. Did you know that Viking is an old Norse term derived from vikingr meaning "seafaring woman with penis". The more you know. Good ol' Minnesota. The land of 10,000 lakes, 8 million white people, a few thousand Ojibwe Indians, and 78 black guys thanks to the NBA Timberwolves and Vikings. The land that actually voted a pro wrestler into office. A land that claims a big ass mall with a roller coaster and 72 Sbarro's as the #1 reason to visit Minneapolis. In Minnesota men are men and women are men. They say things like "You betcha" after ordering a cheeseburger. All the while their neighbors to the northeast and southeast are winning football games and Lombardi's. The Vikings have been around for 70 + years and have yet to hoist a Lombardi. It must really suck to have to listen to a bunch of fat cheese eating losers from Wisconsin brag about all their trophies while you float in a cess pool of mediocrity with a white collar criminal named Zygi as an owner. No, as a Panther fan I don't have any room to brag, and I'm not. I mean I like Minnesota. Joe Mauer was great on my fantasy baseball team this year and I love 3M products especially Post It notes and those new things they make to hang poo on my walls without nails. I mean without Minnesotans, Myrtle Beach and those 24/7/365 Christmas stores would probably go out of business. I think your little Skol Viking Skol fight song is a bit strange. I think skol is Danish for "good cheer" but your team is in Minnesota. How about Go Vikings Go? Just a suggestion. Love it or leave it.
As for your running back. Thanks to the modern science of HGH, AP was able to make a stunning return and rush for 2000+ yards last year. He is arguably the best RB of my generation but he has never seen what he is about to see this Sunday. A three letter assassain named Fua. Fua is an acronym with many meanings but this Sunday it stands for fugin Up Adrian. After this Sunday, Fua is going to have a pasta dish named after him at one of the many Sbarro's in Mall of America.