i won't bore you with the details, but today on our three-year wedding anniversary my wife and i ended up getting in a massive argument that saw a bunch of long-suppressed problems bubble to the surface and it was something of a battlefield for a while there (not physically, of course.) and suddenly i'm forced to face some pretty serious problems that i've previously been able to simply sweep under the rug.
my wife and i met a half a decade ago. we were different in our interests in a lot of ways back then, but we shared the same views on everything from politics to religion to an affinity for travel. these things were the glue that kept us attracted to each other (that and she's hot) and made up for any differences in interests. to that end, i was interested in intellectual pursuits and exploring questions i had begun to ask, and she was interested in hanging out with her friends' babies and talking about gossip girl. no big deal.
as the years have passed we have, i now realized tonight, grown widely apart in a lot of ways. on the surface it's because we have a five-month-old and, well, when you have a five-month-old you generally don't have much spare time on your hands. couple that with the fact that we're both still in school (and we're both embarking on masters programs in less than a year) and both of us are working full time (i pull 50-60 hours a week on average, pulling 80 hours this week) and you've got a serious time shortage on your hands. but that's just on the surface; there are much deeper forces at play, and tonight i realized that i have changed enormously over the past five years and she has changed very little.
it's a lot to go into, but both of us are products of deep south fundamentalist christian ideological and political systems, and as my posts in the tinderbox reflect, i have moved away from those beliefs in a lot of ways; while i've refused to throw the baby out with the bathwater as far as religion goes (i'm still interested in the functional aspects of the positive ends of religious belief) we have arrived at an enormous gulf between us and what we believe. and now i find myself constantly seeking out individuals with whom i can carry on conversation about deeper things (regardless of position on them) and thrive on that kind of dialogue while she plays candy crush and watches dumb tv shows. and recently i have come to the very scary realization that if i met her for the first time today i honestly don't think i'd want to date her.
that's really just the tip of the iceberg, but it's the most succinct summation i can muster without going all tl;dr on everyone. has anyone dealt with these sorts of conundrums in the past, or dealing with it in present? if so, how did or do you deal with it?