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Thoughts from a lifelong Phins fan!

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#1 Phinisher

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:11 AM

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A WHOLE PIE!

Good morning my fellow Carolinians!!!!

 

For those who know me, you know me around here as "Henne Given Sunday" or now as "The Phinisher"

 

For those who don't know me. I am a lifelong Dolphins fan, who moved to the great Queen city back in 2008.

 

Can you believe it's been 4 years since that Thursday night game where Miami squeeked one out and held off Delhommes desperate come back?! That was fun though!

 

Every 4 years the Miami Dolphins and The Panthers duke it out. Here we are again. I wanted to bring some perspective on this game from how I see it as I watch both teams rather closely.

 

Let me start off with thank you. Thank you for doing that to New England. Man I love seeing Tom Bradys vagina chin dripping with slobbering goo as hes yelling like a bitch to the ref for not fisting him another bullshit call in a game. Boy if it was Foxboro you know that flag would've stayed. Brady probably cried for 5 hours while Giesel responded to hate mail on his uggs sponsered fan-site.

 

Now its on to Miami!

 

Why Miami Will win:

 

  • Its 39 fuging degrees here in Charlotte...........in Miami? 80 at 9:50 in the morning!!!!!!!!!! On Sunday it will be a high of 80, probably humid and sticky. Miami wears white on whites at home, so you all will be in dark uniforms, in a 1pm game. Coming from South East Russian weather here in charlotte, thats going to be a big hit of STANK to the face when you get off the plane
  • You are high as a kite right now after two big wins. You have the big bad Saints in 2 weeks, and Miami on a short week, non-divisional, non-national tv game has all the signs to a let down.
  • Ryan Tannehill is playing pretty good right now. No Sophmore slump for this kid. He has 3 interceptions at the end of games from hailmarys, take those away and he's got a very impressive td/int ratio for a kid with limited experience. Mike Wallace leads the league (or is close) in drops, and Tannehill has missed his target on multiple deep balls, but thats bound to correct itself soon, and if you guys for some god moses noah reason can't reach Tannehill on a couple plays, I don't see a DB on your roster that worries me covering Wallace.
  • Our defensive front 7 is pretty scary too. Cam Wake is a fuging monster. The original Kraken. Dude got healthy 2 weeks ago and is on a tear. Randy Stark, Paul Solia and Jared Odrick can stuff the run and rush the passer. Dion Jordan is all over the field. We bounced him from DE to Middle linebacker last week in the middle of Phillip Rivers cadence and he called a timeout. Blew his fuging mind. Dannell Ellerbe and Phillip Wheeler rush the passer good and cover well. Gates had a couple of catches last week and a short TD, but we held him mostly in check.
  • Brent Grimes will be on Smitty, and he knows him well. Grimes is healthy and playing at his 2011 pro bowl level he was playing at with the Falcons. Hes locking guys down, picking off passes, scoring TDs and all over the field. He looks so short, but the dude has the athletic ability of a god damn cheetah warrior!
  • Lamar Miller in space is dangerous. You guys miss a lot of tackles, that happens Sunday and Miller will break a couple.
  • We lose to crap teams....but beat good teams. We have lost to Tampa, Buffalo and Baltimore. But we've beat Cleveland, Atlanta, Cincy on national TV and Indianapolis on the road, even stopping Andrew Luck on a 4th quarter come back. We usually show up against good teams for some dumb reason that makes me want to murder a boy scout.

Why Carolina Will win:

 

  • Cam Newton is a man beast of silver and black. He's literally a man panther. Panthro. He scares the living jesus out of me.
  • We couldnt block 4 mentally challeneged kids on roller skates right now. Richie Incognito is suspended, probably punting a puppy somewhere. Jonathan Martin is at a gay bar getting paid to do it. Will fuging Yeatman was our only hope and he tore his ACL washing his legs in the shower.....we are starting at left guard Sam Brenner (who was on Dallas' practice squad during halloween) and Nate Garner at Center (unless Mike Pouncey comes back). Your front seven will need two seats each on the airplane to Miami...one for them to sit, and one for them to place their boners from being so excited about going against this offensive paper bag....er....I mean line.
  • Ryan Tannehill needs help. Our running game average 5 inches per carry against Tampa Bay......no I did NOT type that wrong. 5 INCHESSSSSS PER CARRY!!!!! Against Tampa. The skin diseased leporsy patients. FML
  • Our defense tackles about as good as those same mentally challenged kids on roller skates....exept put them on an ice rink. Yeah. Terrible. Phillip Wheeler makes me miss Channing Crowder....hes that bad against the run.
  • We are the Dolphins. We just got into the playoff hunt at 5-5 we always choke when the going gets tough. Incognito should've spent more time toughening up this coaching staff instead of worrying about Jonathan Martins gay ass.......and yes I really think hes gay. That will never come out. But hes gay.

 

So there you have it. Hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoyed typing it. After the game Ill continue to root for the Panthers, especially against the Saints and that twat QB with the super continent Pangea on his face!

 

Go Dolphins!!!



#2 88 Bronco

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:15 AM

Thanks, I laughed a lot.



#3 SOJA

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:17 AM

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before the idiot huddlers who signed up two weeks ago (when we beat the niners) trash Phinisher, the dude is as classy as opposing teams' fans come. 

 

show him respect. 

 

the only thing he doesn't provide that Hawk does is hookers and blow



#4 TheRumGone

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:18 AM

Well I chuckled a few times so pie.

Hope for an injury free Sunday

#5 bigskypanthersguy

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:19 AM

super continent pangea on his face = laugh my ass the fug off.  i ain't got beef with miami.  don't particularly care about them as an organization or team and i do agree that this has the makings of a trap...but i'm just enjoying football for right now.  don't care.  nearly every game this season has been mostly enjoyable and competitive (at least for some of them) so i just don't want it to end.

all due respect but we need this win more.  we need to stay on a roll and keep pace with new whoreleans and hopefully in a few weeks time we in cat nation are parading around with brooms.

 

good luck, good wishes, no injuries, but i hope you lose this week.



#6 fieryprophet

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:19 AM

I have a soft spot for the Dolphins, but I'd really like to correct that glaring 0-4 record against them too. I'm sure you understand ;)



#7 RockyTopVol

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:20 AM

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Cleveland and Atlanta count as good teams?  

 

I'm not arguing that Miami can't beat us, I just found that point amusing. 



#8 megatroll

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:21 AM

good write up ...... but if you live here you know there is no place that gets more humid during training camp. I dont see warm weather as a problem



#9 megatroll

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:23 AM

I also laughed at the list of good teams but then I saw the Colts and realized if they can beat the colts then they can beat anybody if they career



#10 Panthro

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:25 AM

cam is like me in a lot of ways



#11 Frash Brastard

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:26 AM

Hey phinisher how do you like the new unis

My father says there's not enough orange in there

#12 88 Bronco

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:28 AM

before the idiot huddlers who signed up two weeks ago (when we beat the niners) trash Phinisher, the dude is as classy as opposing teams' fans come. 

 

show him respect. 

 

the only thing he doesn't provide that Hawk does is blow jobs

 

ftfy



#13 Phinisher

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:32 AM

Hey phinisher how do you like the new unis

My father says there's not enough orange in there

I love them! Fresh, light aqua, meaner dolphins. Not a lot of orange, I agree, but its close to perfect for me as it can be.



#14 Ruff

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:35 AM

10/10 Would read again, I lol'd.



#15 *FreeFua*

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Posted 20 November 2013 - 10:38 AM

I'm not sure why we didn't save our blue uni's for this game. They'd be alot lighter than the black ones with the humidity. Panthers wore blue last time they traveled to Miami, during the regular season.



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