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dougyork

Member Since 16 Nov 2009
Offline Last Active Jan 03 2013 08:59 PM
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Topics I've Started

Man Arrested Impersonating NFL Coach

07 October 2012 - 08:15 PM

NFL.COM--Following the advice of NFL security, the Charlotte Police Department has arrested a man named Juan Rivera in a bizarre, one of a kind case in which Rivera was impersonating the NFL head football coach of the Carolina Panthers. "Last season, we noticed this guy Rivera just wasn't with it in terms of coaching, he never says or does anything on the sidelines but we put it down it being his first season and the lack of a preseason due to the draft" said Bob Fudrucker, head of NFL Security. "This season, nothing changed and it even got worse, we knew we were on to something, especially when the team owner said he didn't know who he was and thought he had been hired as a member of the ground crew." Late in today's loss against the Seahawks, it all fell into place when Rivera was seen picking grass off a player's helmet during a crucial late game timeout. RIvera has been turned over to NFL Security and Commissioner Rodger Goodell is likely to sentence him to a life time of coaching a Pee Wee football team.

As for the Panthers, an internet contest will be held to select the team's next head coach. "It won't who wins, anybody and I mean ANYBODY can do better than this guy Rivera" said teams spokesman Dudley Doright.

FOR SALE: ONE USED NFL FOOTBALL TEAM

07 October 2012 - 06:30 PM

FOR SALE: ONE USED NFL TEAM. In existence since 1995. Features headcoach destined to be fired and number one draft pick quarterback who mysteriously throws into the endzone grass on Fourth and Goal. Overall losing record with one Super Bowl appearance. Destined to lose games in the last seconds, thereby frustrating fans.

10% discount to purchaser who buys this team and moves it to Los Angles, as far from the east coast as possible.

Call Jerry at 1-800-BIG-LOSER to start the selling process.

WHEN COMPLETED, THIS SALE WILL BE FINAL, NO RETURNS OR REFUNDS.

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