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Dex

Monogamy

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Do you remember the point at which you knew that your significant other was the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?

 

What's the secret to a happy relationship?

 

Can monogamy work past the point of having children?

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Our only child is 9 years old.  Been with his mother and only her since 2001.  Yes it can work, I have no plans and as far as I know she has no plans to ever be with anyone else.

For me it just felt different I think partially I had matured enough that having a good friend/partner/supporter was as important as going out and getting into so mischief.  I look now and it seems exhausting to be single - I want to come home and feel comfy and happy and look forward to family time.

 

Its also works that we understand we are just animals - I can look I can flirt I can watch porn but she remains priority one.

 

 

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3 minutes ago, Fryfan said:

Our only child is 9 years old.  Been with his mother and only her since 2001.  Yes it can work, I have no plans and as far as I know she has no plans to ever be with anyone else.

For me it just felt different I think partially I had matured enough that having a good friend/partner/supporter was as important as going out and getting into so mischief.  I look now and it seems exhausting to be single - I want to come home and feel comfy and happy and look forward to family time.

 

Its also works that we understand we are just animals - I can look I can flirt I can watch porn but she remains priority one.

 

 

I'm currently single but I don't like going out. I mainly stay in and work, read, Netflix etc. I am on dating apps like Bumble & Tinder but mainly use them as an ego boost. I don't plan on being in a relationship because I enjoy my freedom. To be honest I don't even need to have sex. However, I do know at some point I will want to have kids. I'm just not sure that I want a partner because to me monogamy seems so bizarre.

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2 minutes ago, Dex said:

I'm currently single but I don't like going out. I mainly stay in and work, read, Netflix etc. I am on dating apps like Bumble & Tinder but mainly use them as an ego boost. I don't plan on being in a relationship because I enjoy my freedom. To be honest I don't even need to have sex. However, I do know at some point I will want to have kids. I'm just not sure that I want a partner because to me monogamy seems so bizarre.

I know two married couples with kids that are open.  I dont think its extremely uncommon. I think it requires a really strong friendship and mutual values of how to raise a family.  

With kids - that is top love top priority though and that is the change even in open relationships.  If you catching a hook up on tinder means little johnny misses practice - that is where the snap will come down and crash things.  I dont think even the most open marriage can survive kids if those kids are priority one by both parents.

 

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2 minutes ago, Fryfan said:

I know two married couples with kids that are open.  I dont think its extremely uncommon. I think it requires a really strong friendship and mutual values of how to raise a family.  

With kids - that is top love top priority though and that is the change even in open relationships.  If you catching a hook up on tinder means little johnny misses practice - that is where the snap will come down and crash things.  I dont think even the most open marriage can survive kids if those kids are priority one by both parents.

 

I'm of the opinion that you don't need two parents living together to raise a child. Does it help? Probably. I was raised by my mom on her own and I would see my dad occasionally whenever he decided to sober up and grab a burger or something. But I believe as humans, our main purpose in life is to have children. My ideal situation would be to have a child with someone that I knew to be a good person, responsible both with their money and time and willing to do whatever it takes to see that their child succeeds. I don't want a live in a partner though, at least not at this point in my life. I don't think I'd find success by being up front with women about my intentions though lmao.

 

Who knows how I'll feel a year from now though. Congrats on your successful relationship though @Fryfan

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3 hours ago, Datawire said:

If monogamy is such a good thing then why are humans so bad at it?

I blame religion for 90% of the worlds problems including this one.

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On 6/25/2018 at 2:46 PM, Dex said:

I'm of the opinion that you don't need two parents living together to raise a child. Does it help? Probably. I was raised by my mom on her own and I would see my dad occasionally whenever he decided to sober up and grab a burger or something. But I believe as humans, our main purpose in life is to have children. My ideal situation would be to have a child with someone that I knew to be a good person, responsible both with their money and time and willing to do whatever it takes to see that their child succeeds. I don't want a live in a partner though, at least not at this point in my life. I don't think I'd find success by being up front with women about my intentions though lmao.

 

Who knows how I'll feel a year from now though. Congrats on your successful relationship though @Fryfan

I for one cannot see having a kid(s) and living apart from them even part time.   Even if the mother is no more then a great friend and roommate I see a ton of value waking up each morning knowing I will see my son, coming home each day and he will be there.

To spend time while he lives elsewhere especially during the younger years seems like torture to me.  I understand plenty of people are raised by single parents just I as a parent would not want that to be the default.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Datawire said:

If monogamy is such a good thing then why are humans so bad at it?

Which ones?

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26 minutes ago, Fryfan said:

I for one cannot see having a kid(s) and living apart from them even part time.   Even if the mother is no more then a great friend and roommate I see a ton of value waking up each morning knowing I will see my son, coming home each day and he will be there.

To spend time while he lives elsewhere especially during the younger years seems like torture to me.  I understand plenty of people are raised by single parents just I as a parent would not want that to be the default.

 

 

Pretty much.  Every other week thing would be torture.  The freedom you have to do what you want every other week wouldn't be worth not having my children those weeks instead.

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On 6/25/2018 at 1:34 PM, Dex said:

I'm currently single but I don't like going out. I mainly stay in and work, read, Netflix etc. I am on dating apps like Bumble & Tinder but mainly use them as an ego boost. I don't plan on being in a relationship because I enjoy my freedom. To be honest I don't even need to have sex. However, I do know at some point I will want to have kids. I'm just not sure that I want a partner because to me monogamy seems so bizarre.

I've been with my wife for 14 years now and we have 3 kids; I daresay I'm more attracted to her every day and have a way bigger libido now than I did 10 years ago. She is my partner in every sense of the word and I'd be absolutely devastated to lose her. That's not to say that I don't think other women are attractive/enjoy being around them (or that my wife doesn't share the same opinion about other men), or that there isn't anyone else in the world that could make me happy/that I could eventually love in a similar fashion, but I've no desire to test that theory.

Flipping the question a bit, what do you gain from not being monogamous/in a monogamous relationship that you feel is necessary to your happiness? Honest question, as even though I like being social and the company of others I've always been a 'relationship guy' and greatly prefer a deep connection with someone than a revolving cast of partners. I also value/prioritize intimacy and a sexual relationship which may differ from your priorities as well.

On 6/26/2018 at 10:39 AM, Datawire said:

If monogamy is such a good thing then why are humans so bad at it?

As humans are bad at lots of things that are inherently beneficial for us - eating right, exercise, sleep, impulse control, saving money, not abusing drugs, etc. - your point isn't really applicable but I assume your sentiment is that monogamy seems to be against human nature, which is one side of the argument.  The partnership/family approach is seen in nature with lots of theories as to why vs. a more communal society but the single-sexual partner model is a social construct so yeah, limitation itself might be tough even if beneficial in the context of society.

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I been married for 5 years and have 3 kids.  My wife is 95lbs Asian.  I can’t complain.

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