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Looking at Potential Head Coaches


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Obviously at the time of writing this, Rhule hasn't been fired and very well may not be fired. However I think there's a 50/50 chance he does get the axe and return to the college ranks, so I think now would be a good time to look at potential head coaches for next season. Obviously this just my list and Tepper may hire Jack from State Farm, which might still be an improvement.

For now, here is who I would look at if I was Tepper for next year.

Promoting From Our Staff

Chase Blackburn: I'll start off by saying the chances we promote from within is minimal at best, and would only happen if Rhule got the axe tomorrow and the intern won our remaining three games. Even in that scenario I think it would say more about Rhule than the intern, but we might as well take a look. In a scenario where Rhule is fired early, I can only see two people currently on the staff who would get the intern tag since neither of them have connections to Rhule. The first is special teams coordinator Chase Blackburn, the only(To my knowledge) holdover from Riveras staff. Blackburn was a well known defensive player for us back in the day, and Special Teams have been...Suspect at best under him. The worst game has to be the Vikings game where we had 2 punts blocked, and the best...The London game where we got to see Slye whiff on a free kick? Yeah its been a relatively average run, but credit to Blackburn for helping Zane become our franchise kicker(Fingers crossed). Since Blackburn is still newish to coaching, I would expect him to employ veteran NFL coaches, especially any leftovers from Riveras or Mcdermots staff. He would need to hire both a Veteran OC and DC, as this would allow him to focus on being a HC. However, Blackburn I feel at best would be a Rivera 2.0, and at worst Rhule 2.0. I wouldn't be against the next coach retraining Blackburn as ST...But as HC? No thank you.

Sean Ryan: The other person on the staff who I could see being named intern HC is Sean Ryan, the one everybody thought would be named intern OC before Rhule pulled the nepotism card. Sean Ryan has been a coach in the league for over a decade now, and even has a Super Bowl ring. He is best known for being the QB coach of Deshaun Watson, and his hire made many people assume we would trade for Watson. Ryan is considered an up and comer in the league, and he has playcalling experience from his time with Detroit. Ryan, much like Blackburn, would be smart to hire veteran coaches, along with an experienced OC and DC, and yes he would need to hire an OC because I don't want to be like the Bungals(Who are winning in spite of Zac Taylor.) Ryan would be a huge risk with high reward hiring, and I think he has a higher(Though thats not saying much) chance than Blackburn does. However, much like Blackburn, I would much rather our next coach retain him as QB or even OC...Than him being the next coach.


Doug Pederson:  The one retread that will almost certainly get a HC job if he so chooses is Doug Pederson, former HC of the Eagles. During his time, he turned the Eagles from a Chip Kelly bathroom disaster to a SB winner in just two years, even more impressive he did it with a backup in Nick Foles who has been on milk cartons in Chicago since then cause that was his last reported whereabouts. While people like to credit Frank Reich for that success, including the very team that fired Pederson since they hired Reichs OC as their next HC, I feel like you can't win a SB by accident(Unlike your McCarthy with his melon smashing speeches.) Pederson would bring stability to a franchise that needs it badly, and I feel like he could win the respect of his players. Obviously he has his problems, but I feel like he would be a perfect coach for us, at the very least, a perfect bridge coach.

Dan Quinn: Everybody's favorite Meme is thanks to this guy, and for that we should give him our fullest respect...Jokes aside, Quinn is best known for being the coach who blew a 25 point lead in the SB and the meltdown that came afterwards, but I think he does have some valuable traits. For starters, he led Atlanta to their best season in decades, and much like Pederson people like to attribute that to Kyle Shanahan, but I feel like people forget that in 2017, Quinn led Atlanta right back to the playoffs, avoiding the SB hangover. Obviously things went downhill from there, but Quinn has redeemed himself in Dallas. It's obvious the players love him, and that's more than I can say for our players when it concerns Rhule. Quinn would likely need to hit on the OC hire like he did during Atlanta, but I do think he could revive this franchise. Worst thing that could happen is hearing Atlanta fans troll us for hiring him, and even then thats not so bad cause you just mutter the words "28-3" and they shiver up like a ballsack in winter.

Todd Bowles: The current DC of the reigning Super Bowl Champions, the Tampa Bay Tom Brady's, Todd Bowels deserve respect for turning that defense into a top 10 unit, and arguably deserves the most credit for that entire run as he completely shut down KC and Mahomes. Bowles has head coaching experience with the Jets, and just the fact he got to 10 wins with the Jets of all teams should likely make him a Hall of Fame coach by default, so really hiring him would be hiring a living legend. Obviously Bowles is a defensive coach and could likely be huge in helping Horn and Henderson grow thanks to his background in secondary's. He would have to hire a strong OC(A running theme it seems) but really a competent OC would be enough.

Josh McDaniels: Josh McDaniels will always be known for the guy who got cock blocked by Rhule, and while I've had worse dates atleast they didn't cost me millions of dollars. Currently McDaniels is the OC of New England, and has helped Mac Jones easily be the best rookie QB in the entire league. While that's not saying a ton, it's still impressive hes led a rookie QB to 9 wins and counting. People often point to his days in Denver as reason not to hire him, but that was a decade ago at this point and one could argue his balls hadn't dropped yet...Plus he started 6-0 and finished 8-8, so clearly he had some good ideas. McDaniels would likely install a run heavy offense to either accommodate Cam(They do have experience together), or Darnold/A Rookie to help take the pressure off of them. He would have to hire a Experienced DC, and hopefully he won't be a deadbeat dad and leave them like he did the last one.

College Coaches

Jim Harbaugh: Obviously the very mention of College coaches sends a chill down peoples spine thanks to Rhule, but there's only one man I feel like could warm that chill up, current Michigan HC Jim Harbaugh. Technically Harbaugh also fits in the retread portion since he has been a NFL HC before with the 49ers, making 3 straight NFC championships and a super bowl. He was fired/mutually parted ways after his 4th year when the niners finished 8-8, but considering the niners went 4-12, and then 2-14 the following two years, that 8-8 is rather impressive. The knock on Harbaugh is that he's like a wife, he's good for the first few years, especially when you get to home base, but afterwards it becomes a drag and you look at other girls with lust, until you divorce and get with that girl, and if it isn't obvious that other girl is Michigan. Harbaugh would be a "Win Now" hire, meaning a SB in the first 3-4 years thanks to the reported wearing out his welcome. Still, after everything we've been through, getting us a SB in just 3-4 years would make him Charlottes most eligible cuck.


Nathaniel Hackett: Somebody who's name I've seen thrown around quite a bit recently, Hackett is the OC of the Packers. His previous stints include the OC of both the Bills and Jaguars, where he helped the Jaguars reach the AFC Championship with Blake Bortles, which is a platinum trophy on Playstation. While he's had a ton of success in Green Bay, he also doesn't call plays, and he has a generational QB running the show. Hackett would be a high risk, high reward hire. He would need to bring in an experienced DC, and I'd prefer if he didn't coach and also call plays. He also would have to deal with an actual division for once, and not whatever the hell the NFC North is.

Eric Bieniemy: A man who was considered for the position when Rivera was fired, and also a constant surprise that he never gets hired for the HC position which raises major questions, if David Culley can get a HC job before you, that's something to be concerned about. Bieniemy has risen to fame with the Chiefs, with the offense routinely being top in the league since he took over. Obviously having a cheat code in Mahomes helps, and like Hackett he doesn't call plays either. Beiniemy would likely relate to the players very well, and at the very least, his hire would be praised by ESPN, which has as much weight as winning a participation award at the Special Ed Olympics.

Matt Eberflus: Matt Eberflus is the current DC of the Colts, and along with Reich has made the Colts into a team who somehow sneaks into the playoffs and then disappoints like my boyfriend on prom night. While the Colts defense hasn't been elite under Eberflus, it has been competent and successfully shut down the Patriots the other night. Eberflus would be great for our young defensive players, but he would need a strong experienced OC especially with how young he is. At the very least the dude can deal with turmoil, since he was hired by McDaniels to be the DC of the colts, before McDaniels pulled out quicker than my husband when I tell him I'm not on birth control.

Kellan Moore: The biggest Risk vs Reward option on this entire list, with Moore having the chance of being the next Freddie Kitchens at worst, and the next Andy Reid at best. Moore is the current OC of the Cowboys, and many people credit him for the main reason Dallas is even good(Along with Quinn to a certain degree.) Moore has been a QB in this league before, so he could likely relate very well with the team and lead them well. He would more than likely call plays, so out of everyone, he needs the most experienced DC to come with him. Someone like a Vic Fangio(If he gets fired) or Chuck Pagano for example. Also Dallas fans want him to be the HC, so cucking them is doing the entire country a great deed.


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Definitely not a fan of promoting anyone on our staff.

Lots of speculation from analysts that this will be "the year of the retread" but I'm just not that keen on the idea.

College coaches? Never again (though Harbaugh's not a pure college coach).

Kellen Moore's not experienced enough.

Obviously, my favorite is Hackett.

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