Stumpy

The goals...

Well bois, we gave the Devils their due! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... The jersey boys have been trying to jack our steeze for a few years now. They've followed our blueprints and studied our tape. Every offseason, they pounce on our sloppy seconds in a Newark minute. Quick with the puck, ferocious on the forecheck and stifling team defense. Down to the colors, this is this closest we'll come to having to play ourselves in Ole Stanley's Hockey Hoedown. As the postseason began, Rod stood flexing in the gym mirror and saw this guy staring back from the void... (Shutters) When beating us at our game didn't work, Timo and the Tri-State Trash tried to tango instead. Outside of a bitchass cheapshot on Freddie, that poo didn't work either. Their goon squad was getting wrecked by our bantam weights. As much as we all wanted to see Svechy or Staal Bunyan literally break someone in half after the Great Dane went down, they didnt need to. Our munchkins were monsters! Jarvis obliterating giants at the blue line, Logan laying the Stank on dudes twice his size and Blakers blasting Timo into next season. It was beautiful to see! (Side note: Does JBlo wear lead weights under his pads? 170lbs shouldn't be able to hit that hard!) We closed it out in 5, for the gentleman's sweep. Only team in the league to win a series in each of the past 7(?) seasons! And, this was supposed to be a rebuilding year... Onto the awards: Key To The Series : 6 for 19 - .316% IT FINALLY WORKED!!! MVP : 16/180 g/s - .911 save% - 2.53 gaa Seriously, without this dude, we would've won in 3! (Trust me bro) 3rd Star : 6/94 g/s - .936 save % - 1.59 gaa The Great Dane 2nd Star : 3 g - 5 a - +1 - 20:38 toi/g - 18 hits - 3 bs - 58.1% fo 3 PP goals and the 2OT series winning goal! WOOAAAHHH NELLY!!!! And, your 1st Star of the series : 5 g - 1 a - +3 - 16:48 toi/g - 16 hits - 1 bs - 1 tk - 50% fo Zero, I repeat, zero penalty minutes for the series! MISSSTAAAHHH SVEEECHNIKOOOV!!!!!! Onto The Next: Now, we wait for the Habs to make it a nasty 7 game slog, while we recuperate. And, hopefully, get Nikishin, and some of the other black aces some real peactice time. We are gonna need those guys at some point. Because, if you think the Devils were dirty, hoooo boy, wait till you see what's next...

Erik Haula update:

That Pesce/Aho hug...

The OT Assassin himself.... It's AHOOOOOO BAAABBBYYYYY!!!!!

Jarvis without context:

Martinook is a one man power kill!!!

During the commercial break...

Timo performs a textbook example of NCAAF targeting penalty on a defenseless goalie... NHL Refs: Timo gets a boo boo on his widdle noseywosey... Also NHL Refs:

Lmao... somebody get that weasel some boogersugar!

It should be, but Rod heard that people on the internet think it's dumb, so he won't.

That would be surprising on a few different levels...

Martin Van Merman with the triumphant return...

Hopefully this isnt Freddie related... Amir was a decent prospect for TB before realizing that if he ever cracked the NHL he would have to live in Florida, and bolting for the KHL. Dudes got decent size and good numbers over in mother Russia. Was a former teammate of Pyotr Kochetkov. Is the current best friend of Andrei Svechnikov. And, went viral a few months ago for this masterpiece of interpersonal communication...

'Playoff Time Is My Time': Andrei Svechnikov Bouncing Back, Making Huge Postseason Impact For Carolina "Obviously, it was a hard season for me, but right now, in the playoff times, it's kind of my time," Svechnikov said following his three goal outing in Game 4. "I love this time of the year. Playing a physical game and just trying to do everything I can to help my team win the game." And Svechnikov is doing a lot to help his team win. The Russian winger leads the team in goals (4), points (5), shots on goal (13) and is one of eight players with double-digit hits (11). He also leads all forwards in total chances while he's on the ice (82) and Corsi For (67.21%), expected goals for (70.03%), high-danger chances (20) and has yet to be on the ice for a goal against.

Coming soon...

Nor sure I'd want to be Timo on Tuesday... Svech, clearly, has plans for him!

And finished with a .933

Oh fug off you fuging *****!

You gotta be fuging kidding me! fug these gd bitch ass fuging refs!