Stumpy

Which players are most deserving of winning the Stanley Cup? - ESPN 1. Brent Burns, Carolina Hurricanes Age: 40 Cup Worthiness Rating: 110 There's no one else in the NHL quite like Brent Burns. He has played 21 seasons, making the transition from forward to defense and then excelling on the blue line. He's the current leader among active defensemen in points (910 in 1,497 games) during the regular season, and fourth in the playoffs (77). He has been to the conference finals three times, and the Stanley Cup Final once. He has a year-round playoff beard and carries around a large bag filled with many mysterious items. If he wins the Stanley Cup, it'll be a moment to live out a hockey dream. And more importantly, it means he can introduce the Stanley Cup to the menagerie of animals at his 420-acre Texas ranch.

I was confused for a second, too... lol But, yeah Helly needs a sports psychologist ASAP! Dude is Playoff Freddie in the regular season, but turns in to Yanni Perets as soon as the games start to matter. I can only imagine how maddening it has to be for Jets fans...

Avs sent Mikko to the golf course... Gonna be pretty funny when Mikko and his gf are sitting on the couch watching a #DisasterBros SCF!

Sounds like we've got a new prospect in the pipeline. Should be ready to skate with the big boys for the 43/44 season.

Can I interest you in the top KHL defenseman?

The goals...

Well bois, we gave the Devils their due! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... The jersey boys have been trying to jack our steeze for a few years now. They've followed our blueprints and studied our tape. Every offseason, they pounce on our sloppy seconds in a Newark minute. Quick with the puck, ferocious on the forecheck and stifling team defense. Down to the colors, this is this closest we'll come to having to play ourselves in Ole Stanley's Hockey Hoedown. As the postseason began, Rod stood flexing in the gym mirror and saw this guy staring back from the void... (Shutters) When beating us at our game didn't work, Timo and the Tri-State Trash tried to tango instead. Outside of a bitchass cheapshot on Freddie, that poo didn't work either. Their goon squad was getting wrecked by our bantam weights. As much as we all wanted to see Svechy or Staal Bunyan literally break someone in half after the Great Dane went down, they didnt need to. Our munchkins were monsters! Jarvis obliterating giants at the blue line, Logan laying the Stank on dudes twice his size and Blakers blasting Timo into next season. It was beautiful to see! (Side note: Does JBlo wear lead weights under his pads? 170lbs shouldn't be able to hit that hard!) We closed it out in 5, for the gentleman's sweep. Only team in the league to win a series in each of the past 7(?) seasons! And, this was supposed to be a rebuilding year... Onto the awards: Key To The Series : 6 for 19 - .316% IT FINALLY WORKED!!! MVP : 16/180 g/s - .911 save% - 2.53 gaa Seriously, without this dude, we would've won in 3! (Trust me bro) 3rd Star : 6/94 g/s - .936 save % - 1.59 gaa The Great Dane 2nd Star : 3 g - 5 a - +1 - 20:38 toi/g - 18 hits - 3 bs - 58.1% fo 3 PP goals and the 2OT series winning goal! WOOAAAHHH NELLY!!!! And, your 1st Star of the series : 5 g - 1 a - +3 - 16:48 toi/g - 16 hits - 1 bs - 1 tk - 50% fo Zero, I repeat, zero penalty minutes for the series! MISSSTAAAHHH SVEEECHNIKOOOV!!!!!! Onto The Next: Now, we wait for the Habs to make it a nasty 7 game slog, while we recuperate. And, hopefully, get Nikishin, and some of the other black aces some real peactice time. We are gonna need those guys at some point. Because, if you think the Devils were dirty, hoooo boy, wait till you see what's next...

Erik Haula update:

That Pesce/Aho hug...

The OT Assassin himself.... It's AHOOOOOO BAAABBBYYYYY!!!!!

Jarvis without context:

Martinook is a one man power kill!!!

During the commercial break...

Timo performs a textbook example of NCAAF targeting penalty on a defenseless goalie... NHL Refs: Timo gets a boo boo on his widdle noseywosey... Also NHL Refs:

Lmao... somebody get that weasel some boogersugar!

It should be, but Rod heard that people on the internet think it's dumb, so he won't.

That would be surprising on a few different levels...

Martin Van Merman with the triumphant return...