Jump to content
  • Hey There!

    Please register to see fewer ads and a better viewing experience:100_Emoji_42x42:


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


One night/day stands?

Recommended Posts

I have the best one night stand story.

It begins with me bartending at an Applebee's near you back in the late 90's. I have a pretty, young lady sit down at my bar around 4:45 (not long after I started my shift), and stayed there until I got off work at 10:00 (when the closing bartender took the reigns alone). During that time, she drank a bit- enough to catch a buzz, but not so drunk that she couldn't follow me home. I was telling her about my new puppy, dimbee, that I had just gotten a week before and showed her a picture. She just had to meet him. OK. So, I take her back to my apartment and introduce her to my pup. We all hang out, playing with the pup, drinking beers and smoking weed. We move to my bedroom, I handle what needs handling and she takes a shower. During that 10 minutes that she's in the shower, I plan my exit strategy. When I hear the shower cut off, I immediately set off my beeper alarm (in ring test mode), exclaim loudly, "What the fug?" *pretend to make a phone call* "Hey, man. I just got the text. What's up?" I say into my wireless home phone that is not picked. Feign hearing of my best friend being in jail. Gal walks out and asks what's up. I explain how my best friend got arrested and I have to go downtown to bail him out. I pick up my wallet, look in, grimace and say, "Hey, can I borrow $60? I'm spending all of my tips to get him out, but I'm $60 short." She gives me the cash. I give her a phone number (that is not mine) and she leaves wishing me luck with my best friend. I wait a few minutes and drive over to my drugdealers house and buy 3 ecstacy pills for $60 and head to Latino House for a party.

Remarkably, she never came back to the Applebee's (while I was working at least) and never came back by my apartment (I can't attest to her remembering how to get back once sober).

Beat that.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Never? You've never woken up next to someone without any recollection of who they are or if you had sex with? Meanwhile, you walk outside and realize you are two doors down from your own home (in high school) and it was your neighbor's mom?

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

One Sunday afternoon after church (yea i know) and a panther game, went to her house for a BBQ (thats what i told my mom). handled business and came back home. the end.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Very convoluted story but I'll try.

I was just starting to date this girl (Alex) and she was at a party downtown and I was in the north of the city at a bar with friends. Her and I were texting back and forth and she decided she'd like to come up to meet me.

Her: "Can I bring a friend, she's wanting to come along?"

Me: "Sure."

They catch a cab on up and I sit and drink merrily with my friends.

About 20 minutes later I see her rounding the corner of the street heading our way; However, right by her side is my attractive but very very very clingy ex girlfriend. To this day I have no idea how of the millions of people in that city, they managed to find one another at a random party (they normally ran in completely different circles), but they did. Luck was smiling at me that night.

So understand the scene: First, I was put in a special kind of hell balancing a new girl I had to impress (Alex) with the clingy girl I had to put off (Karen) while both were involved in the same conversation. Also I had to try to not make it obvious to Alex than I had more than once put my penis in Karen as well as not make it obvious to Karen that I was trying to put my penis in Alex or Karen would certainly do everything in her power to cockblock me. As a bonus the girls in my group who knew who both women were thought I was playing some kind sadistic, twisted emotional game with the two young ladies and spent the rest of the evening giving me dagger eyes and attempting to sabotage me at every turn. There wasn't enough booze in the bar.

Then what I dreaded might happen happened: The two girls went to the bathroom together. 5 minutes later they came out of the bathroom still yapping away, heading straight to the bar. They were still talking. They get drinks and sit at stools by the bar. They're still talking. Karen starts to look pretty impassioned about her conversation. Alex just nods understandingly. I get up to try to break up the conversation, but I'm told "we'll be over in a minute."

Oh well. Me and ol' Rosy tonight.

Turn back to the table to just drink the rest of the evening away. Start a conversation with the group. **DAGGER EYES DAGGER EYES DAGGER EYES** Give up. Drink loads more. Smoke a lot. Cast my fate to the wind.

Finally Alex comes back to the table and says "I'll catch you later, but you've got to work it out with her. She's still waaaay too into you."

"OK. I'll set her straight I promise. Lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure. Call me. But you've got to make it clear to that poor girl"

"I will, I will."

Walk her to a cab, kiss her goodnight and head back.

Well in my absence it's decided that a group of us were heading back to our apartment (my roommate was there, laughing his ass off) for an after party as the bar was near closing.

We all get to mine and I take Karen to the balcony to tell her what's what. I tell her what's what. She listens to me politely. She nods her head. She doesn't say a word. She takes her hand and unzips my jeans. She starts blowing me.

Men, no matter how mentally strong you think you are, no matter how much self control you think you have, if an attractive girl wants to give you a blow job when you're hammered, you're going to get a blow job. There is no longer any free will.

Well, as she's doing this (for all the world to see as far as I know. It was dark at 4 am, but still I'm still on a second story balcony in a city) I'm moving my arms around to get comfortable, trying to balance. Well somehow my drunken super powers caused me to slam the glass on the door in such a way that it shattered.


Pulled my pants up as people made their way out to see what happened. I somehow convinced them that Karen had made me angry and I had slammed the glass. I was drunk enough for this to be feasible, so we agreed that I would get it fixed in the morning and went back to drinking.

Everybody eventually left and I finished her off in the stairwell (taking her to bed would have given her the wrong idea). Put her in a cab, went to bed and went on the lunch date with Alex the next day. Amazingly I got laid then too (ain't I a stinka?)

Alex eventually found out what happened, but amazingly got over it after a good deal of apologizing and make up dates. It was then it really hit home you can get away with murder as long as the girl's into you and you don't make it a habit of being a jerk. (It was later I had to learn that's also a good way to break the heart of somebody you care about though)

Not exactly a one night stand, but certainly entertaining.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

*The following pstall story has been edited for brevity and clarity*

At a sorority party at Winthrop and throwing down. Some dude is trying to chat up some girls and bragging about being in the Real Estate biz etc. So being the promising Good Will Hunting I called him out having never met him. I ask how a certain property was zoned as it related to feet away from a curb and a school. He slunk away.

Go outside and goofing with some buddies and I was walking back inside and a gorgeous black chick comes up to me and ask if I was leaving. I said no and why. She goes because I wanted to kiss you. Me, ok sure.

So my buddy starts to take a leak in the bushes. She goes OMG I can't believe he is doing that in public. I go hey if you gotta go you gotta go. She goes you would pull it out right here. Yep I declare. She goes nuh uh and I do. She smiles and I go now your turn.

She goes my car is parked over there. The rest is history.

I will exclude beach stories for the sake of time.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites