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* * * * - 4 votes

if you're contemplating committing seppuku over our last two picks go ahead and do it because you're probably a terrible poster, but think about this:


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#1 PhillyB

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:43 PM

*
A WHOLE PIE!

AJ Klein and Kenjon Barner are both incredibly talented players at their respective positions who fell much farther in the draft than they were projected. But even that is secondary: both positions - linebacker and running back - are slots that we have massive amounts of cap space tied into. besides providing insurance for injuries at those positions, it also makes the following players expendable:

Jon Beason - cap hit $9,500,000
Deangelo Williams - cap hit $8,200,000


I recognize that cutting those guys off the bat wouldn't mean getting every dime of that space back, but that's $17.7 million in cap space negated by guys who can do their job for years on low-round rookie contracts.

17.7 million/year sounds like a nice salary for cam newton.



for the rest of you, here's a guide on hara-kari. don't forget your kaishaku, they come in handy.

#2 SuperJTheGreat

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:45 PM

So you're telling me AJ fuging Klein is going to replace Jon Beason? Well if so I hope Ron Rivera updates his resume. Cause his ass is gone.

#3 SZ James (banned)

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:46 PM

I miss Hurney

#4 Keith Moons Liver

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:46 PM

pretty sure all those people killed themselves during the hurney years. the rest of us have risen from the fire stronger.

#5 Kevin Greene

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:46 PM

Cant cut Beason, too much guaranteed money left.

#6 Dollar Store Dave

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:48 PM

So you're telling me AJ fuging Klein is going to replace Jon Beason? Well if so I hope Ron Rivera updates his resume. Cause his ass is gone.


I think he can.

Beason is a shell of his former self. Injury plagued, possibly lazy, and maybe even undetermined now that he finally get his large contract. there was a time when Beason was a god on the football field. Luke Kuechly is now that player.

#7 PhillyB

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:48 PM

So you're telling me AJ fuging Klein is going to replace Jon Beason? Well if so I hope Ron Rivera updates his resume. Cause his ass is gone.


i don't know about you but i don't want 10m a year tied up into an injury-prone OLB.

#8 Proudiddy

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:48 PM

Philly, I agree about DWill, but I can't see Klein making Beason expendable, at least not this year. Although, Kiper and McShay both said he will compete for a starting position down the road.

#9 Icege

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:49 PM

Don't think about it, do it pussies!

#10 h0llywood

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:51 PM

Is Seppuku a distant sister of Bukkake?

#11 Saxist Fed

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:51 PM

I personally like the 5th & 6th rounders.

I just hope Shula can utilize our RBs better than Chud did.

#12 SmashNDash

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:51 PM

I'm so glad a slow linebacker who can't tackle in space, and a undersized running back are going to replace two all pros.

#13 AceBoogie

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:52 PM

1. It's funny of you to assume Cam is going to want to continue to stay and play for a team that has done nothing to build around him. Cam is about building a brand and you can't do that if your losing.

2. Fug out of here thinking we are getting rid of Beason.

#14 R0CKnR0LLA

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:54 PM

Keek is entrenched at MLB, TD is really only suited to play WLB. Strongside linebacker only plays around 60% of the snaps, is the easiest position to fill on defense as well as being the lowest impact position. We're not going to pay Beason the highest MLB in NFL history to play SAM. Hell we cut Anderson because he was paid too much for a SS backer and he was making a fraction of what Beason is. He won't be gone this year because his base salary is guaranteed but I don't expect him to be here next year.

Klein should be solid depth and STs this first year after we lost both Anderson and Phillips and could possibly be a starter in 2014, really quality player for a 5th round pick.

We'll save nearly $18 million over 3 years by cutting DWill, who will be 30-32 years old during that time, and averaged 3.6YPC through week 16 last year. Barner will make less than $2 million over that same period and I really like him as a prospect, I think we'll be even better off with him as our #2 even before you factor in the huge cap savings.

#15 PhillyB

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Posted 27 April 2013 - 03:56 PM

1. It's funny of you to assume Cam is going to want to continue to stay and play for a team that has done nothing to build around him. Cam is about building a brand and you can't do that if your losing.

2. Fug out of here thinking we are getting rid of Beason.



Step #1: Purchase a Sharp Sword!

A dull blade can lead to ragged cutting and the expenditure of much "elbow grease" during the ceremony. Therefore, it is important that the sword be razor-sharp.

Step #2: Find a Buddy!

One of the most important parts of seppuku is the kaishaku, or assistant. The kaishaku's task is to slice off your head after you have completed the ceremony, and should therefore be a close friend, family member, or crudely jilted ex-lover.

Step #3: Decide Where to Die!

You only die once, so the location of your seppuku ceremony should be as pleasant as possible. I suggest a sunny field, a well-tended garden, or the pleasantly air-conditioned lobby of an upscale office building.

Step #4: Go for It!

Kneel down in your chosen location and slowly insert the sword into your abdomen. The desired spot is about three inches left or right of your navel, depending on which hand you use. Once the sword is inserted, gently slice it across your stomach, then upward toward your chest. Remove sword when finished.

Step #5: Inspect Your Work!

If done properly, most of your internal organs should have spilled out across your lap. If no internal organs are visible, repeat act until the job has been done correctly. Once finished, your kaishaku should then lop off your head in one clean blow.

Good luck, and happy cutting!




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