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SCP

All-PRO
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Everything posted by SCP

  1. Homecoming Party

    Gon be a good time
  2. Meh, I'm not an envious person. CMAC will be fine.
  3. Squad

    That's awesome man. Hopefully you can get that Shula signature off that bad boy lol
  4. He'll probably get healthy the week before our game, come back and pick us apart.
  5. Game etiquette

    I bought my PSLs on the aisle so I can stand whenever and for as long as I want without disturbing the person behind me. I stand a lot, not to be an asshole but because I get so emotionally envolved in the game I just can't stay seated. I sit when we are on offense but I'm in the aisle on D. Me and the security guy in my section have a running joke after all these years. He tells me to get out of the aisle and I tell him no.
  6. Based on the crowd, last night was actually a road game for the Panthers.
  7. The worst 4-1 team in the NFL! Stick that sh*t up your ass and let it sink in like a 300 lb Detroit hooker sinks into a memory foam mattress. We flew up to Detroit, battled the refs and a hostile crowd, pounded that Cooter and walked out of the stadium with a win. I also got flipped off by a table full of Michigan State fans at the bar in Detroit. All in all, a great weekend to be a Panther fan. Now it’s time to bag that W and focus on our next opponent during this short week. Since this is a short week and these assholes do not deserve a minute of my valuable time and honestly, not a damn thing has changed in Phily since 2015, I am going to polish an old turd and recycle some content. As in 2015, we are ushering in a gaggle of disgusting human feces from a forgotten crap hole sandwiched between DC and NYC. Like an orange hemorrhoid protruding from the bleached asshole of Donald Trump, Phily and Phily fans are hard on the eyes and a pain in the ass. The Philadelphia Eagles and the biggest bunch of assholes this side of Kim Jong-un are coming to BofA stadium on Thursday night. A more delusional fan base you will not meet. The Philadelphia Eagles have been around since 1933. That’s 84 freaking years. In that timespan their NFC East rivals have won somewhere in the neighborhood of 14 Super Bowls and the Eagles have won zero. Our Panthers have been around for 20+ years and it kills me to not have a ring. I fired off a tweet today about their lack of rings because that’s all us fans of ringless franchises can do and they come back with garbage about the NFL Championships they won in the 50’s when the NFL was like a Mormon church softball league. Can you blame these Eagles losers for being such miserable wastes of oxygen? These people are so pathetic that the city had to erect a statue of a fictitious boxer named Rocky just to boost the morale of these unemployed loud mouth bastards. Philadelphian’s actually believe Rocky was a real life boxing champion. They cannot separate reality from the movie screen. I guess when you have to stumble home every night after pounding 17 Stroh’s Lights at the neighborhood bar to women that need a helping hand just to wipe their own fat asses, Eagles fans have to clamp on to whatever small victories they can get. So while Rocky beating Clubber Lang was awesome, it carries as much weight as the Eagles trophy case. Somehow Philadelphians have found our region and migrated here in the thousands. Like the Dust Bowl era Sooners, these people packed up their diabetic compression socks and loaded up their shitty, rusted out 1978 Buick LeSabre’s and hit I-95 south. It would have been nice if they kept driving south past NC/SC and ended up in the Straits of Florida, but no, as our luck would have it they ended up here. Joy to the fricking world. The most miserable group of white trash this country can produce has set up shop in our backyard. Every time you bump into an Eagles fan you have to listen to them bitch about Donavan McNabb and how their latest sebaceous cyst (Google that poo) got blood and puss all over their CPAP mask. Then as Carolinians we are forced to dodge these morbidly obese people rolling around our city on electric scooters in those horrible sh*t green jerseys. So anytime you see a fat ass Eagle fan on a scooter at Walmart, feel free to hitch a ride because you and I are footing the bill with our tax dollars. The only local businesses that have prospered from this mass invasion of Philadelphians are Gastroenterologists and stores that sell denim products with elastic seams. These clowns claim that Philadelphia is the cheese steak capital of the world? Give me a break. I’ve been there. I’ve been to Pat’s and Geno’s and Tony Luke’s and Delassandro’s and they are all ass. Cheap beef served on dry bread with fake cheese whiz and onions. Only somebody from Phily would brag about that garbage. You want the authentic Phiy cheese steak experience? Go to the gas station, buy a Hot Pocket and a Miller Lite, call the cashier some kind of racist nickname, and punch the guy behind you in line in the face for standing to close to you. Boom, authentic Phily experience. If you want to make it really authentic, take a sh*t on your front porch and yell for your wife to come clean it up before you go inside and then cap it all off with a drunk shadow boxing session telling her how you could of beaten up Drago just like Rocky did in Rocky IV. Eagles fans are walking around thumping their chests about being 4-1. I think they started last year 5-0. Carson Wentz is now best QB in the league. F**Kin A I really cannot stand these guys. Like in 2015, they think this game will be a breeze. They think Cam is a running back. You’ve heard the arguments. When the ball is kicked off in BofA Thursday night the atmosphere should be electric like it was in 2015. The stands will be full of Eagles fans in the NFL’s ugliest jerseys because none of those assholes want to live up there anymore and we have to deal with the fallout of a country with an open Interstate system that seems to only head from the northeast to Charlotte. Ah, but like in 2015 Panther fans are going to make our joint tough for those clowns to play in. Like in 2015, Eagles fans are thumping their chests over wins against some pretty bad teams. Good for them, they beat who they were supposed to beat. Even with our injuries, we are the most well-rounded team they have faced. It just sucks that this game is on Thursday and not Sunday. I think our defense is going to come out with something to prove after subpar Q4 performances against NE and Detroit. Our interior o-line and our line as a whole is playing good football and Cam Newton is starting to look healthier week by week. Cam will beat the Eagles pressure and J Stew will have a breakout game and run the ball against that stout defense. Not one national outlet has picked us to win the last two weeks. The NFCE ass kissing has already started as Sal Paolantonio literally rode in Doug Peterson’s car to the game on Sunday. How many used wet wipes were in that passenger seat? In the end it’s going to be a great game and the good guys will prevail as Eagles fans leave our stadium with another fat L. Panthers 31 Eagles 24
  8. *Disclaimer: Nothing in the OP is meant to be taken seriously. Rocky was a great champion.*
  9. Geez lighten up Francis it's sports hate satire.
  10. Hey man nobody asked you anyway! (I still stop there every time I'm in Philadelphia thanks for the tip. I fantasize about those crab fries).
  11. Hell yea, camo cargos and all. The @RoaringRiot knows how to throw a damn Panther fan takeover.
  12. I told you assholes we were going to win. Do you hear that? Do you hear that high pitched squeal from Foxboro? That is the sound of whining coming from a 5 time Super Bowl champion that is 0-2 against Cam Newton lead football teams. Boo f*cking hoo the refs. Boo f*cking hoo the sky was not cloudy enough. Boo f*cking hoo our defense sucks. Well boo f*cking hoo the Pats defense sucking didn’t seem to impact a god damned 9 point line in Vegas before the game but now the excuse seeking nancies are grasping for every straw to explain the L. Well, I hope the Pats and Pats fans choke on that L and I hope they know that Tom Brady is still Cam Newton’s bitch. Now pull up your pants, quit feeling sorry for yourselves, act like you’ve won five SB rings, and beat the Bucs on Thursday night. Meanwhile, bye Tom. We are moving on to the 8th Sh*thole of the World, Detroit. When I think of Detroit I think of denim tuxedos, Windsor Ballets, Kid Rock and genital warts. A city that was once the epicenter of Motown and airport strip bars featuring pregnant strippers that could pick up a stack of quarters off the stage using only their labia is now hanging its hopes and dreams on a white trash musical hack as a potential senate candidate for the state of Michigan. Kid friggin Rock has a chance at a senate seat in Washington DC thanks to Michigan. Think about that for a minute. They are pinning their hopes and dreams on a guy who’s lyrical talent is no better than this f*ckin internet post. The people of Detroit are going to vote for a guy because he thinks every man, woman and child should own an Iroc Z with T-tops and a trailer hitch. I once stopped at a Walmart just outside of Detroit in between sales calls to take a sh*t and buy some Sweetarts Rope and a stick of Gold Bond anti-chaffing ointment. I navigated my way through a parking lot full of pot holes that must of contained 600 rusted ass Pontiac Aztec’s. It was a bizarre scene, almost like something from an Anthony Burgess novel. After shopping for my male hygiene product I walked to the checkout and couldn’t help but notice that every person in that store walked with a limp while mumbling incoherent rants under their breath. The women all seemed to have the same dirty pink tight sweat pants and had labial minora hypertrophy (google that poo) induced moose knuckle that would have gagged Ron Jeremy. I was so unconcerned about impressing anybody in that store that I put the anti-chaffing ointment on my balls while in the check out line. Other than that it’s a great town if you enjoy singing karaoke with drunk cougars looking for free cheddar bay biscuits at the Red Lobster next to the Wayne County International Airport. Meanwhile our Panthers are 3-1 and are headed in to face a Lions team that is 3-1 and should be 4-0 if not for a stupid 10 second run off rule that the NFL has in place. I don’t know too much about the Lions. I think their head coach is a god damned wax figure and the offensive coordinator, Jim Bob Cooter, has the best damn name in sports. No doubt during the summer months the Cooter supplements his income working a vendor tent at country concerts handing out free logs of chewing tobacco to teens while getting them to sign up for Skoal Rewards. The Lions look like a good squad with a solid defense and a pretty good offense. Looks like they could be the best all around team we’ve faced this season. But alas, I’m not a pussy and I don’t give a damn. We also have a good team that is 3-1 and we haven’t played a good game yet. Do you want to know a secret? Don’t tell anyone but it looks like Cam is getting his health back. Yes Matt Kalil sucks but we are going to overcome that this Sunday. Our defense, even with Coleman out, is going to force Stafford to make two critical mistakes. Detroit will try to run on us but our d-line gets their poo together and owns the trenches. Bradberry picks off Stafford and Shag creates a fumble getting us the ball back for a go ahead score. Cam keeps it rolling. KB, Funchess, Stew, and CMAC all get a TD. The Panthers walk out of Ford Field at 4-1. Panthers 31 Lions 27
  13. What Lions fans are saying

    This reminds me of when we went into San Fran in 2013 and won 10-9.
  14. What Lions fans are saying

    Sh*t, we're toast.
  15. What Lions fans are saying

    Hey I'm curious, what kind of food do they serve in the coaches box at Ford Field? I ask because if it's a full buffet then Mike Shula tends to linger and doesn't get back on the headset in time to call plays when we get the ball back. If it's a really good buffet he's been known to miss entire offensive series. Hopefully Ford Field only offers poo like chicken tenders and fries.
  16. What Lions fans are saying

    To me it comes down to the sideline demeanor battle between Caldwell and Rivera. Whichever coach makes a facial expression that doesn't show confusion first wins the battle and the game.
  17. Nothing like a week full of zero distractions before a road game followed by a Thursday nighter.
  18. What many fail to realize is 90% of these posts are not anecdotal. Like the stack of quarters thing? Yep.
  19. Probably best move we could make right now.
  20. Alright you bunch of whiny ass bitches. It’s time to snap out of your sniveling ass state of pussiness and grow a pair of testicles. The kind of testicles your dad used when he banged your mom and implanted the seed that gave birth to your privileged millennial asses. Boo hoo we lost to the Saints in embarrassing fashion. I for one expected Drew Brees and that drug stealing coach of his to come in and score 30+ points. I also expected that son of a steakhouse owner offensive coordinator of ours to be out coached and he was. Suck it up. Own the loss. Realize that our sh*t stinks sometimes and come back to reality. It is what it is has been replaced with missed opportunities and the only cavalry on the horizon is trumpeted by a drunk ass radio station owner named Marty Hurney. Cram that bit of irony up your groundhog day fantasy and blow it out of your butt. This is where we are. This is the NFL and any given Sunday you can take a giant ham hock up the ass. The key is to be prepared. Grab a box of canned tomatoes like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption and take that ass pounding like a damn man. In the end Bogs Diamond got his nut and ended up in a wheel chair tossing his bro’s salad through a straw while Andy and Red refurbished and shared a small wooden skiff together in the Yucatan Peninsula. The metaphor of that was lost on me but at the end of the day we are 2-1 and we are traveling north to face a team that Cam Newton and Ron Rivera have never lost to. Yes the Patriots have 5 Super Bowls and we have none but who’s counting? Yes they are coached by a man that many feel is the GOAT. I mean the son of a bitch wore a sweatshirt with the neck and sleeves cut off over a god damned button down at his presser today. If that is not some damn boss sh*t I don’t know what is. But with all that in mind, there is a chink in his armor. The dude drives a Subaru Outback mini-station wagon to work every day. Driving a 2004 Subaru mini-wagon to work is a sign of a guy that fears for his safety. Everyone knows that Subaru’s are a safe damn vehicle. Bill is scared. He is scared of sliding off the road and crashing into a river. A river that might have a gambling boat. That boat has a windshield that transitions from clear to tinted when it goes from overcast to sunny conditions. That boat, let’s call it a River Boat, haunts Bill in his dreams because Bill has never beaten the river boat. He knows that Kuechly broke up that pass to Gronk cleanly. He knows in his heart of hearts that if his Subaru were to slide of off a bridge and collide with the river boat the Subaru would explode and burst into a ball of flames then sink to the bottom of the river where he would succumb to the Giardia parasite (google that poo) and sh*t his brains out for the next month. It’s simple; guys that want to win football games don’t drive a 2004 Subaru Outback Coup. This is a fact, all of their victories and Super Bowl titles are meaningless. This Sunday our Panthers are making a little visit to Gillette Stadium in the great state of New England (shout out to the bandwagon Patriot fan in Clover, SC that thinks New England is a US State). For a few days the state of New England will be infused with a little class. For a few days, the smooth sounds of yacht rock jams will echo through the New England hills and dales as the Roaring Riot settles into enemy territory. Pats fans driving around Foxboro in their rusted 1978 AMC Pacers trying to finger bang their ski-bib wearing Camaro hair girlfriends won’t know what to think as we teach those Dunkin Donuts eating clowns what a real biscuit is. Star and KK are fixing to eat this Sunday. It will not matter who is playing in our secondary because our front 7 are going to rebound. I think we pressure Tom early and often and we get two turnovers. Unlikely? F*ck that. In a major turn of events, Mike Shula somehow pulls his head out of his ass and Cam Newton finally shows that threat to use his legs enough to keep the Pats guessing. CMAC and Samuel both get their first TDs and Cam scores a rushing TD. For a brief moment Panther fans are fired up again and the national media calls our victory a fluke. Panthers win. Falcons lose. Eat my ass Pats. Panthers 27 Patriots 23
  21. Dear Huddle, YOU ARE MOTHER F*CKING WELCOME!!!!!!!!
  22. For those who have been around awhile you might remember how, towards the end of his first run here, Marty Hurney became the king of dumping guys into IR when the season began to take a turn for the worse. I always contended Marty did so as a preemptive excuse for when he faced the media at the end of the season. This is my opinion only because I am a Hurney Hater so maybe it's just a missed opportunity for me. But he has played the "Yea but we had 19 guys on IR" card before. Now I still think we sneak into Foxboro and get a W tomorrow. However, if we lose the next 3, which Is looking like a strong possibility, do not be surprised if Hurney and RR start playing the IR game.
  23. Remember his last few years here? We averaged like 15 starters on IR lol
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