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Peace offering to teh liburools


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#1 SCP

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 08:39 AM

This chain e-mail makes a lot of sense. I want to keep the South for the conservatives. You liburools can have the NE and the west coast. :P The libertarians can have Oklahoma. This will be a good spot to launch your "Down with the GOP and Dem" sorties.

Together we make a GREAT STATE!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile; slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go on our own ways.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.
After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell (you are however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan Hockey Moms, greedy CEO's, and Rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran, Palestine and France, and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru Station Wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing Doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic).
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach The World To Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot. Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other likeminded patriots, and if you do not agree just hit delete and hang on. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. please take Barbra Streisand.


Edited by SouthCakPanther, 25 February 2009 - 08:41 AM.


#2 Delhommey

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 09:25 AM

How would the right be able to get any bullet catchers to invade anywhere if the left gets all the minorities?

#3 SCP

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 09:29 AM

We'd be fine. I would miss the photo galleries and theaters though.

Edited by SouthCakPanther, 25 February 2009 - 09:37 AM.


#4 Jase

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 10:20 AM

Oklahoma? WTF?

This trail of tears bullsh*t will not stand.

#5 SCP

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 10:23 AM

Oklahoma? WTF?

This trail of tears bullsh*t will not stand.


I was throwing that out strictly as a strategic location. You can choose from Kansas, Nebraska, the Dakota's, or Austin, Texas. In order to push for libertarian acceptance, you need to be in a location where your stump speeches can be heard loud and clear from both sides.

#6 Jase

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 10:27 AM

Sorry, the liberals already have austin. Somewhat of a paradise island for them.

#7 SCP

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 10:35 AM

Sorry, the liberals already have austin. Somewhat of a paradise island for them.


I figured you guys could go in there and clean house.

#8 Jase

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 10:36 AM

We have the guns for it, but unfortunately we're pacifists. :(

#9 rodeo

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 06:05 PM

whoever wrote that is oblivious that the police department is a socialist program.

#10 Zod

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 06:31 PM

That's probably the most witty thing I have read from a conservative ever.

And no, that's not saying much.

#11 Murph

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 06:57 PM

Wasn't this posted just a month or two ago? I remember laughing out loud at Shirley McClain.

Obviously this idea has one major flaw. If the liberals get all the minorities then there is no reason for the conservatives to get the cops.

#12 StepandFetch

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Posted 26 February 2009 - 09:48 PM

I dunno... I sure as hell is a conservative.... a Taft conservative.


In this turbulent political climate of apathetics spouting off "yes we can" and calling it real earnest action towards change.. we may need the loved/hated ACLU soon... you never know.. I think a lot of the kind of talk in that letter (^^^^^^^^^^) is why we are sitting on the sidelines right now.

I shake my head and sigh as Nancy (yappy dog) Pelosi and Obama twist the country down the toilet like the rest of you- but lets at least try not to alienate too many people, ok! We are outnumbered, we know it, they know it, and we have to find an advantage in these times and run with it... we as a party can't just say the same things that have been said by the GOP politicians that are watching C-SPAN instead of voting down the Fairness Doctrine right now... that kind of language only makes us smaller.. in my honest opinion, I guess. I suggest we sit and wait till these guys make complete asses of themselves & their party (they will, and soon) , and then rise to the occasion to take back what was lost... the party is now forced to make some changes... hopefully some good ones.

Edited by StepandFetch, 26 February 2009 - 09:55 PM.


#13 Panthro

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 01:23 AM

Perhaps this is a Bizarro Fiz?

http://p-userpic.liv...5310177/1081868

#14 Matt Foley

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 10:42 AM

Perhaps this is a Bizarro Fiz?

http://p-userpic.liv...5310177/1081868


Bizarro Zod would be more apropos.

#15 dimbee

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Posted 27 February 2009 - 11:47 AM

:lol:

Give em 8 years in the #1 spot and take it away and not 2 months in, they've crossed their arms, stomped their little feet and said they're going to hold their breath until they die if the evil liberals don't leave them alone

Classic


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