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20 New Year’s Resolutions For 20-Somethings

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Posted

Some pretty funny ones in here....and definitely some that I need to apply myself!

Jan. 2, 2012

By Jessie Rosen info

  • Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet.
  • Know which candidate you’re going to vote for in the upcoming presidential election, and know why.
  • Enough with the 14-day juice cleanses. If you want to lose a little weight quickly, eat less and exercise like crazy. If you want to lose a lot of weight slowly, do whatever Jennifer Hudson did.
  • If you really like the person you’re hooking up with and would like them to be your boyfriend/ girlfriend, find a way to tell them, and hope for the best. If you don’t and wouldn’t, stop.
  • Find a way to save approximately 300 dollars and spend it on a flight to see a friend or family member who lives far away.
  • Please stop liking the Kardashians, all of them. It’s not helping anyone, least of all the Kardashians.
  • Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.
  • Wear clothes that fit you, especially to work.
  • Call someone on the phone at least once a week, and speak to him or her for at least ten minutes.
  • Start preparing now to get over the fact that Facebook is probably going to change again in six months. You’re not going to deactivate your account. You don’t know how.
  • Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.
  • Replace one terrible reality show you’re currently watching with one wonderful scripted show currently available on television. Swap suggestion: Real Housewives of Anywhere for HBO’s Enlightened.
  • Try that food you think you don’t like but have never actually tried, unless it’s brussels sprouts. They really don’t need any more attention.
  • Cut one person out of your life who you truly do not like and add one person who you truly do. Note: not on Facebook, on Earth.
  • If you’re still blacking out regularly, you should stop.
  • Volunteer once over the next 90 days. You’ll feel really good about it, and probably end up volunteering again over the next 275.
  • Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text.
  • Back up your entire online life onto an external hard drive, especially your photos.
  • Crap or get off the pot. This applies to whatever thing you’re not doing that you should just sack up and do already.

And in the eternal words of Tom Haverford, “TREAT YO SELF!”

Happy 2012 everyone!

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Posted

What the hell is a 14 day juice cleanse and why would anyone do what I think it might be?

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Posted

Great stuff. haha

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Posted

  • Before you status update, Tweet, Tumble or Instagram, pause and say to yourself, “is it entirely necessary that I share this morsel of thought with my entire social network?”and if the answer is not, “yes, I absolutely must,” then step away from the Internet.

*goes to share this article on facebook*

*realizes the cruel irony of it*

*keeps it to himself*

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Posted

What the hell is a 14 day juice cleanse and why would anyone do what I think it might be?

Being from a top five hipster destination on Earth, that is, Asheville, NC, a couple of my coworkers have done this. Theoretically, you drink pure fruit juice--only--for two weeks. Which, theoretically, destoxifies your system, flushes your bowels, and makes you lose a bunch of weight quickly, weight that is not simply water-weight. Theoretically

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Posted

Yeah, that's a great idea.

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Posted

Spend less than or equal to the money you earn each month.

People need resolutions for this?

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Posted

Apparently. It's a big reason why we're in the mess we're in.

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Posted

I've been trying this and bring it up in discussion too. Too much instant gratification/answers at our fingertips.

Wait 30 seconds before you look up a fact you can’t remember on your phone, and try to remember it using your brain. This is what the olden days were like.

Those ATT commercials where they say "That's so 14 seconds ago..." fug you. Those are the most irritating commercials out there.

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Posted

That's actually the only one I fervently disagree with. Why would I not want to know right now if I could?

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Posted

sonofa

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Posted

I needz teh Google tho

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