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What would you tell the eight year-old you?

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Posted

Don't buy stocks... Instead, have unprotected sex with every girl who wants to "talk to you." They don't want to fall in love and date you. They want your magic stick. Give it to them.

You'll be on the verge of a threesome at 16 with two hot girls rubbing and licking on your six-pack in a bed. Your friend will be angry and cockblock you... Don't take him with you.

You'll still meet your wife and have a wonderful life, you'll just have had a lot more sex. You're welcome. /farts into millions of tiny particles

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Posted

Start kicking field goals so you can get a free ride in college.

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And another thing...

If you ever have a problem with a peer, don't listen to your parents... PUNCH THAT MF'ER IN THE THROAT. Get in as many physical altercations as you can before high school... Then it's still fun and you don't go to jail for it.

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Posted

That whole thing they keep telling you about your permanent record from school affecting you for the rest of your life...

Yeah, it's crap.

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Posted

20 years later...still no cure for herpes.

Just kidding. I don't know if I would really have changed much.

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Posted

learn the act of balancing fun and work...too much of either isn't good for the other

don't tie yourself to one girl so damn young...go forth and practice with many women instead

pay yourself first

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You're going to score a 1200 on the SAT in the 7th grade, with the Duke TIP program, and a 1560 as a sophomore in HS. This doesn't mean that you can smoke weed and skip 75% of your classes as a senior and subsequently lose all scholarship offers, you stupid sonofabitch.

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Sorry

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"here, grab a piece of paper and write down these super bowl scores"

Yeah don't bet on the Steelers. Aaron Rodgers > Big Ben

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Posted

The world wll end 12/21/2012.

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Just because you graduate high school in the top five of your class without ever opening a book does not mean you dont have to go to class in college. Also you know that super sweet awesome girl you meet when you are 21. Don't think you can keep messing around with sluts for another 2-3 years and she will still be there waiting on you. She won't, IDIOT!

Also when you are in 10th grade and taking a weight training class. Dont slack off second semester just because your teacher no longer cares, it will take you a long, long time to get that strong again and it will be much much harder.

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You're going to score a 1200 on the SAT in the 7th grade, with the Duke TIP program, and a 1560 as a sophomore in HS. This doesn't mean that you can smoke weed and skip 75% of your classes as a senior and subsequently lose all scholarship offers, you stupid sonofabitch.

That's all? You wouldn't tell yourself about the packages of illegal substances delivered to your door?

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