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Member Since 26 Oct 2011
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Topics I've Started

#NoFlyZone now an airport?

07 September 2014 - 03:24 PM

568 yards to Matt Ryan and the mediocre Falcons offense missing its starting LT.

Where's your excuse making now BigAnus?

Things you take more seriously than Big Anus

14 August 2014 - 04:59 PM

- politicians' promises
- preseason power rankings
- school fire drills
- 100 level gen ed classes
- apocalyptic prognostications

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Why the New Orleans Saints Suck

13 August 2014 - 12:48 PM



What's new that sucks: For the second time in three years, the Saints decided to piss away all of their good will by needlessly picking a fight with one of their best players. I hope winning an argument in semantics with Jimmy Graham was worth the $5 million they saved in the process (lawyer's fees not included). They also dumped Darren Sproles on the Eagles for a fifth-rounder, a trade that will almost certainly result in Sproles catching 17 passes for 178 yards in a divisional playoff game against his former team. This is the reality of the Saints. The Saints love to present themselves as a cute little underdog franchise here to save a downtrodden-but-wonderful city. But at their core, they are still a heartless team run by a skinflint who essentially lucked into seeing his franchise become a beloved public institution just as he was poised to ship them out of town. The stadium is sponsored by Mercedes Benz, for fug's sake.

On the field, the Saints drafted Brandin Cooks at wideout, and holy poo are people way too excited about Brandin Cooks. SUCH A BURNER. I have lived through Robert Meachem and Devery Henderson. I know exactly how disposable every super-quick Saints wideout is, whether they can throw a lateral eighty feet the wrong way or not. The rookie wideout everyone loves is NEVER the rookie wideout who ends up tearing poo up. Last year's breakout rookie was Keenan Allen, and if you're some fantasy asshole who says you knew totally knew Keenan Allen was gonna be awesome, you are a liar and I will stab you in the hand.

Also, Champ Bailey is here! This was the fourth best pass defense in football last season (such are the wonders of hiring Wolfman Rob), and yet I'm sure the average Saints fan creamed his jeans knowing Champ is here now to collect his golden parachute playing nickelback. Bailey and Jairus Byrd were signed as pass defenders but their main job this season will be to make 200 tackles apiece once the opposing running back has busted through the front seven.

Final note: Turns out your former All-Pro safety is an alleged serial rapist. So that's fun.




1) Our fan base can't seem to grasp the concept that Goodell really suspended our coach because Payton was an unrelenting, arrogant prick towards him for two years after winning the Super Bowl. Instead, the fans really believe that Goodell has some unquenchable lust for fuging the wet, dirty asshole that is the city of New Orleans.

2) It's basically impossible to have a coherent discussion with another Saints fan since every topic somehow drifts to either drunken optimism or shifty-eyed paranoia about Goodell that would make a Sandy Hook truther sound like Neil deGrasse Tyson.

3) We got clocked by Seattle twice last year because our receivers are fuging pussies. So we get rid of Sproles and replace him with the 5'8" Brandin Cooks. Yeah, that'll fuging work






At least some Taints fans aren't delusional. And I like how they didn't have to reach for Mars for jokes like they did with the article on our team.

Deadspin Why Your Team Sucks: Carolina Panthers

12 August 2014 - 11:22 AM


Pretty funny if you ask me. Gotta have a sense of humility.

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Found a pic of A. Lastra

28 July 2014 - 08:18 PM




Be careful, hide your twinkies!

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