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Truths for Mature Humans (You've probably seen this)

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BUT, I thought it was hilarious so I am going to post it

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear

your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you

realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I

don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod

and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still

not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car

keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the

Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button

from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every


24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

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Loved the first 6.

Hopefully my bro has my back for #1.

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# fugging 23. eyes complete shut, I spring up, shut it off, and lay right back down in 1 swift motion. its like an art

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If you die in the military, someone (Buddy or Officer) goes through your belongings to "sanitize" them. You don't want pics of that girl/hooker you met on R & R to get back to your wife or GF!

I had a really good Girlfriend. When we would start to argue over something, she always brought up some obscure sports fact. I would spend 20 minutes going on about it. By then, I forgot we were arguing. Then about 20-30 minutes later, I would come back to her and say, "We were arguing."

She look sheepishly at me, "We were, but you won. Like you always do."

I'd go away happy.

It was either that, or she pull up her shirt and flash her breasts at me (She had nice firm breasts and never wore a bra!) I always forgot what we were about to argue about!

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