Peyton Manning threw Jay Cutler's diabetes monitor in the pool
And then, for extra laughs, Peyton drove around to various nursing homes in the Honolulu area, unplugging oxygen machines and slathering canes and walkers in Crisco.
I kid, I kid. Peyton doesn't have any hatred of the elderly or disease-ridden. As it turns out, he destroyed Jay Cutler's blood sugar monitor (Cutler's a type 1 diabetic) by mistake. As part of all the zany Pro Bowl hijinx, Peyton meant to throw Cutler's cell phone in the pool as a part of some Pro Bowl rookie initiation.
Here's how it went down, courtesy of the Denver Post:
The gang of Pro Bowl football players had been gathered around the tables, swapping stories, when suddenly the Broncos' quarterback had 300-pound Nick Mangold pushing from one side, 310-pound Kris Dielman holding the other and his cell phone swindled into the hands of a coy Peyton Manning.
Cutler's radar had gone up, but he never had a chance.
"We gave him a Pro Bowl baptism," said Dielman, the star offensive guard of the rival San Diego Chargers.
Great fun. Big laughs. There was just one problem. Cutler is a Type 1 diabetic, and in his pocket was his blood-sugar monitor.
"That was a prank where I thought we were smart enough to get the cellphone out of his pocket," Dielman said. "But then, 'Oops.' "
Oops indeed. In their defense, though, some blood sugar monitors do look slightly cell-phone-esque.
Fortunately, Cutler took it all in stride and was able to make a few calls and get a new monitor quickly. If I was him, I would have started faking stomach cramps and pretending to lose my eyesight, while screaming that I could die without my monitor. But that's just me, and I like to teach people lessons that will stick for a lifetime.