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The ability of Fathers and Sons to have a conversation...


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#16 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:46 PM

My dad and I have always had an interesting relationship...

Talking really isn't his thing. We've gotten along well at times and not so well at times, but never anything rough.

One thing I will say though is that if he says he's gonna do something (for me or really anyone) he does it.

Over the last probably 3 years, I've spent a LOT more time with him than at any other point in my life, mainly together playing golf. I've grown to really enjoy that time.



In regards to my boys, I try to engage them whenever I can... one is 17 and the other is almost 13. They are very different and so talking to them is like night and day.

I've always tried to let them know I'm available to talk about literally anything, anytime, good or bad.

#17 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

I guess the main thing that bugs me is I don't want to carry on this tradition.

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#18 The_Light_Brigade

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

My father and I struggled through high school and into college. Argued about grades/future/money/responsibility wtev. Then when I left for college things changed. He calmed down we started to have similar issues/things in common we could talk about. Now we play golf all the time, smoke cigars and do stuff together. Went from being a strained relationship where we barely talked to not knowing what I would do without him. brb gonna go cry and call him

#19 mmmbeans

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

I guess the main thing that bugs me is I don't want to carry on this tradition.

signed

Irritated in ILM


what does he like to do?

#20 Darth Biscuit

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:54 PM

I guess the main thing that bugs me is I don't want to carry on this tradition.

signed

Irritated in ILM


Then don't... it's up to you to make that happen with your boy.

It's not as hard as some people make it out to be... my oldest particularly is really nothing at all like me... doesn't like or play sports, like to talk your ear off (like his mom does) and is just generally into things that I'm not interested in... but I make time to talk to him about stuff and have really tried to find common ground, esp now that's he's old enough to start making his own decisions about life.

#21 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:55 PM

what does he like to do?



Who?

You have the vaguest damned posts :lol:

#22 mmmbeans

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:56 PM

Who?

You have the vaguest damned posts :lol:


sorry... your dad. what does he like to do?

#23 Kurb

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 02:58 PM

sorry... your dad. what does he like to do?



Honestly ? Not much of anything other than work.

He grew up working a hard farm life. Grinding through being a mechanic till he retired as a shop supervisor for the State. All he knows how to really do is work. He has a hard time unwinding or having "fun" as you say.

It's hard to describe.

#24 Delhommey

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:00 PM

I ask for advice regarding work, photography, cars. Most dad's love dolling out advice.

#25 Scrumtrilescent

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:02 PM

The fundamental connection you both have...you're both fathers of sons (well, you are anyway). If you can't make a connection about the life of a father....then you may indeed have a rough road to hoe.

I was almost 30 before I had a real conversation with my dad. He was a hardass, too....but he has done a 180 the second he started having grandkids.

#26 KendrickPanther

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:04 PM

Yeah that's my dad too. I like to work my 40 then enjoy football, free time, and family. My dad works his 60 and complains about how tired he is. I bring up sports in his presence and he says stuff like "some of us are too busy working to keep up with that stuff". The one thing that bothers me more than anything is when I see him bully my nieces the way he bullied me. I don't believe in treating kids that way.

#27 mmmbeans

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:04 PM

I ask for advice regarding work, photography, cars. Most dad's love dolling out advice.


this is my experience as well. advice and stories about the past.

#28 xlightsoutx

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:07 PM

My dad and I were that way for a little while. He's 65, and he's been working full time since he was 15. I'm a broke 23 year old college student about to enlist in the Army. We talk about racing, football, military, SOME politics (but this is usually a no-go), food, "projects" that he wants to do/wants me to help with in/around the house.


Outside of that, we don't say much. He stays to himself, I stay to myself. When I'm not home, we might talk on the phone once over the course of 2-3 months. Now, it sounds like we may talk more than you and yours, but it really isn't that much (and it's usually talking about and doing something like building on to the back porch, repairing a small motor, changing the starter on my jeep, etc.).

#29 Zcustom

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:11 PM

I feel your pain Kurby, in a way.

My dad is capable of expressing himself and we get along great, we just don't have anything in common, and therefore don't spend much time together. Throw in the fact that he's still turning wrenches to make a living at almost 60 and he's working most weekends, the only time I have off.

He likes Nascar, building computers, and diet coke.

I like football, golf, and Pepsi max. Go figure.

#30 Inimicus

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Posted 23 January 2013 - 03:20 PM

I had a strained relationship with my dad for a long time after I moved out, got married and started a family. We had no common interests and even fewer common beliefs.

What we did was talk about TV and movies. Eventually that led us to other things of more substance and now we are pretty ok. Not great mind you but its a work in progress.


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