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#31 Dex

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 09:36 AM

So what happened???

#32 PandaPancake

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Posted 27 April 2014 - 09:42 AM

Those high schoolers will pay top dollar for alcohol during prom.



#33 Mr. Scot

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 09:59 AM

Very impressive to see how involved in her life you already are. She is lucky to have a man who cares so much for her well being that is watching out for her. You are to be commended.

Today is my daughter's 14th birthday and the thought of dealing with her high school years and all of the idiot boys out there is already scaring the hell out of me.

 

Having been single again for a while now (divorced about 7 years) I'd kind of gotten used to not having to worry about anyone but myself.  Now suddenly I'm playing part time dad to a seventeen year old girl and a fifteen year old boy (that job turns full time probably within the next year or so).   Their biological dad is in Florida and if he gives a flying rat's ass about them, he sure does go to great lengths to hide it.

 

Sad to say that for the past few years they've had a wannabe stepdad who wasn't much better.  The guy is a complete narcissist.  Never gave a crap about them other than to order them around.  he did a good job of pretending to be someone else in order to get their mom, but once he was in he dropped the mask and became his true (a--hole) self.  That these two are actually great kids is a testament to how incredible a woman their mother is (something I made sure to tell her again this weekend).

 

My biggest worry coming into this family has been that the only examples of a "man" that either of them has seen up close have been awful.  Daughter's opinion of men would be skewed by the jerks she's seen with her mom so who knows what kind of guy she winds up attracted to.  Son is in the formative years for his future and has had no good example of what a man is really supposed to be like.  And the guy whose job it is to change all this?  A divorced dude in his 40s who's never had kids of his own (sounds like a bad sitcom, doesn't it?)

 

Plenty of times I've felt myself saying "not sure I'm up to this" but truth be told, I don't really have a choice.  I love their mom, and I deeply love both of them too.  I can't imagine my life without them now, so regardless of how qualified I am, this is my job now and I plan to give it everything I've got.



#34 MadHatter

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 10:16 AM

Having been single again for a while now (divorced about 7 years) I'd kind of gotten used to not having to worry about anyone but myself.  Now suddenly I'm playing part time dad to a seventeen year old girl and a fifteen year old boy (that job turns full time probably within the next year or so).   Their biological dad is in Florida and if he gives a flying rat's ass about them, he sure does go to great lengths to hide it.

 

Sad to say that for the past few years they've had a wannabe stepdad who wasn't much better.  The guy is a complete narcissist.  Never gave a crap about them other than to order them around.  he did a good job of pretending to be someone else in order to get their mom, but once he was in he dropped the mask and became his true (a--hole) self.  That these two are actually great kids is a testament to how incredible a woman their mother is (something I made sure to tell her again this weekend).

 

My biggest worry coming into this family has been that the only examples of a "man" that either of them has seen up close have been awful.  Daughter's opinion of men would be skewed by the jerks she's seen with her mom so who knows what kind of guy she winds up attracted to.  Son is in the formative years for his future and has had no good example of what a man is really supposed to be like.  And the guy whose job it is to change all this?  A divorced dude in his 40s who's never had kids of his own (sounds like a bad sitcom, doesn't it?)

 

Plenty of times I've felt myself saying "not sure I'm up to this" but truth be told, I don't really have a choice.  I love their mom, and I deeply love both of them too.  I can't imagine my life without them now, so regardless of how qualified I am, this is my job now and I plan to give it everything I've got.

 

Don't sell yourself short (see statement above).  All GREAT dad's were initially someone who had never had kid's before.

 

Your statements show that you definitely have what it takes....love and concern for them.  Think of it this way....they really need you right now.  Both are at the cross roads for defining who they will be and both need your positive influence.

 

By your statements and the tone in your comments above...I would say that "You need them just like they need you".  They are now part of your life.



#35 Mr. Scot

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 10:29 AM

So what happened???

 

A lot.

 

Girlfriend had arranged a 'meet the family' dinner with daughter's guy, his mom and sister.  Got to meet him, talk to him, size him up, and 'encourage' him to be on his best behavior.  Found out my girlfriend had read him a pretty good riot act herself the day before, so that made my job a little easier.

 

About the guy: Very polite.  Introduced himself to me like a young man should.  Addressed me as "sir" and my girlfriend as "ma'am".  Found out his dad was abusive and ran out on them a few years ago so he's had to play 'man of the house' in his absence.  Mom, it turns out, is disabled and he works to help support her.  Overall good impression.  I still have my reservations, mind you, but it's a start.  After our 'get acquainted' dinner, he took off to get ready himself.

 

On to the star of the hour: Thanks to her mom having friends/family who are professional make up and hair stylists, she had a whole crew of women tasked to make her perfect, and she got it all done free and in the comfort of her home.  Brother and I sat down and disassociated ourselves from that part of the day, or tried to.  Seemed like every fifteen minutes or so someone would realize something they needed or something they forgot.  Guess whose job it was to go and fetch it? :lol:  I literally made five separate trips to a nearby department store for various items.  I think the check out kids probably wondered what the heck I was doing (at one or two points, so did I).

 

But it was all worth it...

 

When she was finally all done up and went to suit up in her prom dress, my word she looked amazing.  The dress was quite formal and conservative (thank God) and just beautiful.  If I'm being honest, yes I teared up.  Couldn't help it.  She looked so beautiful...and so happy.  The whole moment just took my breath away.

 

A little later, as I was giving her a few words (and funds) for the evening, she spontaneously threw her arms around me and squeezed me like a teddy bear.  She's normally not that big on hugs at all, and her girlfriend later informed me that she never did that sort of thing with her biological dad.  I told her I loved her and that I hoped she had a great evening.  Also told her guy after he got there to be sure she had a good time.  he told me he would.

 

We sent them off.  Mom cried.  Grandma cried.  Aunt cried.  Brother snarked.  Me...well, nevermind :unsure:

 

And then we waited...

 

Her mom had set a relatively early curfew (1am; prom ended at midnight) and her guy got her back on time.  She was still glowing, and her mom figured out immediately what I had to be told, that she had gotten her first real kiss that night.  They waited until after the guy was gone before letting me know (wise choice) but I didn't make a big deal about it.  Daughter messed with me some about it, and while I made some noises worthy of Frankenstein, I didn't make a big deal.  Told her more than once that I was glad she'd had a good time.  She didn't actually enjoy the 'prom' part of it especially (music was too loud and she's not much of a dancer) but the night overall was possibly the best of her life.

 

I guess that's what prom is supposed to be, isn't it?  Little girls grow up wanting to be Cinderella and prom is there chance to live that dream.  For one night, she was the princess at the center of the fairy tale.  Me?  Just a supporting character, and very happy to play the role.

 

Now I just gotta be ready to do this three more times (once more for her; twice for her brother).

 

Oy :wacko:



#36 Mr. Scot

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Posted 28 April 2014 - 10:39 AM

Don't sell yourself short (see statement above).  All GREAT dad's were initially someone who had never had kid's before.

 

Your statements show that you definitely have what it takes....love and concern for them.  Think of it this way....they really need you right now.  Both are at the cross roads for defining who they will be and both need your positive influence.

 

By your statements and the tone in your comments above...I would say that "You need them just like they need you".  They are now part of your life.

 

They are.

 

Her mom made sure to invite her  biological dad months ago, and to remind him of it since.  Not only did he not show; he didn't call, he didn't text, he didn't anything.  I'm hoping I never meet this guy because I'd deeply like to rip him a new one.  This was a big day in her life.  I don't know how he could let himself miss this.

 

But the good part: If there was an ounce of disappointment in her mind over his not being there, I never saw it.  Her face was absolutely beaming.  She was walking on air all night, and it was a joy to see.

 

Girlfriend and I talked afterward, and I expressed to her that it no longer matters to me if I'm ready for this.  I don't want to be without her or the kids.  She made sure she texted her ex a couple of times afterward to tell him it was okay that he wasn't there because I was (ouch :( ).  Far as I know, he never responded.

 

No clue why the guy who had the first, best shot at being father to these kids doesn't want the job, and don't frankly care.

 

If he doesn't want the job, I'll take it.  i have no qualms whatsoever about benefiting from another man's stupidity.




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