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Member Since 25 Nov 2008
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#2486101 Boss told me yesterday I had to be in Houston this Monday

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 07:36 PM

...3 weeks ago my neighbor asked me in a text if i wanted to go to the game with him Monday night, i said sure... then last week while watching the game he said he was going with our other neighbor... im like wtf. i feel violated and jilted.... mufker.

That's f'ed up. Step 1, poop in a bag. Step 2, put it on neighbors door step and light on fire. Step 3, ring doorbell.

#2485916 Panthers Sign Travis Bond, Guard from Minn Practice Squad

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 04:54 PM

Better than Fua as a backup RG

#2485877 New England week

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 04:32 PM

Easy bro, I'm from New England.

Because of you and Dex I was very careful not to offend people from New England.

#2485832 New England week

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 04:19 PM

Son of a bitch if we didn’t go out to San Fran and steal the 49ers gold. The last time I was this excited was when Olestra hit the market place and fat free Doritos were invented. Fat free fat? I was sold! I assume the knee buckling cramps I experienced after eating the olestra laced Doritos are kind of what 49er fans were feeling when Thomas Davis drilled Kendall Hunter to cause that fumble. Alas the 24 hour rule has come and gone and I have savored the flavor. Fortunately it’s easier to move on from the 49ers than it was to get those poison Dorito crumbs out of my chest hair. So onward we go to play what is without a doubt the most important game for us this season, the next one. A Monday night showdown against Gisele’s husband and the Patriots.


I’m kind of perplexed about what to expect on Monday night. I’m almost certain I am going to see a poo ton of Patriot "fans" at the Bank. 99% of them are probably Red Sox fans because of that crappy Jimmy Falon movie Fever Pitch. 99% of them probably think New England is a US state. 99% of them probably think Ben Affleck should have won an academy award in Gigli. I’m certain the uptown parking lots are going to be packed full of Honda Odyssey’s with those stupid stick figure family stickers on the back window and "Red Sox Nation" bumper stickers next to a Miami Heat NBA Champ license plate frame. And I am 100% certain that if you ask 10 of these people to tell you who Steve Grogan is, they will all look at you with a blank set of eyes and a slacked jaw. I anticipate the number of "Keep Calm and Chive On" t-shirts to increase ten fold in uptown on Monday night. Most of the people we will see are probably from our neighborhoods and root for the Tarheels or Blue Devils in basketball. These sad little people are caught up in the Patriot bandwagon and most can’t help it because they seek to be a part of something that they feel is bigger than they are. I mean in Fever Pitch, when Jimmy Falon is down in St. Petersburg going crazy for the Red Sox, who didn’t want to join Red Sox Nation? The same can be said about the Ugg wearing douchebags that live in Charlotte and hate on our Panthers and turn their allegiance to a team a thousand miles away. Who doesn’t want to be a part of rooting for a team from Foxboro, MA that won a few Super Bowls? But tread lightly folks, because these people know as much about the Patriots as a certain Saints fan knows about the silky texture of a woman’s labia. Just like putting peanut butter on your sack to entice Mr. Bigglesworth is easier than trying to meet a real woman, it’s easy for these people to root for a team that is constantly being jerked off by the national media. They can suck it on Monday night but soon enough they will be Panther fans.


So come Monday night when these sellouts are trying to out-cheer the loyal Panther fans, we will rise to the occasion. Fua is out and Dan Connor is back. Coach Boomhauer needs more than two weeks to prepare for a Fua-less Panthers team. Shane Vereen and Stevan Ridley will meet Luke and by the end of the game will be calling him father. We are going to exploit that Patriots defense by running it up their ass. Nate Chandler is the next hall of fame guard and will open holes wider and deeper that Vincent Wilforks belly button. Tom Brady is going to need Gisele to wipe his ass after the Kraken and CJ smash the organic poop out of his metrosexual cornhole just as Star and KK come off the top rope like the Road Warriors. If we can somehow pull this off, it’s going to be a fun ride.


Panthers 31

Patriots 21

#2485435 First game where I'm 21

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 12:26 PM

Bring $8,000

#2485263 Boss told me yesterday I had to be in Houston this Monday

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 10:55 AM

We were not supposed to take any vacation next week due to a mock audit, but my bosses let me have half a day on Monday. See you real fans @ noon.

I'm leaving the office at noon. See you at the tailgate.

#2485251 Boss told me yesterday I had to be in Houston this Monday

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 10:48 AM

send your peons to do your bidding

That'd be like Bob Ross sending in a kindergartner to paint his trees and mountains.

#2485244 Boss told me yesterday I had to be in Houston this Monday

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 10:44 AM

I was sad. So I called him on his vacation this morning and said "But Monday night football."

He said "Houston is not necessary".

How sweet it is!

Not even this bad case of diarrhea is gonna bring me down now.

#2485236 Getting Defensive - New England Patriots

Posted by SCP on 13 November 2013 - 10:40 AM

Well, I woke with the challenge of a hot poop. Dealing with it. Wheres SCP to talk me through

I'm working through my own issues this morning. I've been on the John so long my legs are now asleep. How am I gonna limp past the secretary without her laughing?

#2484630 Fua cut

Posted by SCP on 12 November 2013 - 09:36 PM


#2483459 Panthers Are First Purple Heart Team

Posted by SCP on 12 November 2013 - 12:15 PM

As a person who was too big of a pussy to serve, I think this is freaking awesome.

#2483112 Where will YOU be Monday night?

Posted by SCP on 12 November 2013 - 09:25 AM

Section 529 per usual

Suck it Pats!

#2482800 The Kraken

Posted by SCP on 11 November 2013 - 11:39 PM

The L-TownCat would be a foot long tuna salad sub with sour pickles black olives yellow mustard salt and pepper oil and vinegar. Lots of vinegar.

I'd buy that poo but I'd pick off the olives.

#2482768 The Kraken

Posted by SCP on 11 November 2013 - 11:22 PM

My wife makes my sammiches. The Kraken makes my day.

<That's all I got at 11:20 on a sober Monday night, sorry.>

So the SIGCHI222 would be a slice of bologna on some Wonder bread with some yellow mustard and a piece of Kraft cheese.

I'd buy that poo.

#2482748 The Kraken

Posted by SCP on 11 November 2013 - 11:12 PM

If you were a beast what would your sammich be?

The SCP would be a foot long chicken phily with some melty cheese, bacon, grilled onions and peppers, and some damn spicy mustard.

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